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Date: September 27, 2022
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I haven’t read any of this but since I’m seeing all of Reddit defend the woman I fell as OP is probably right
Her behavior is super toxic! It feels like no one addressed this. Longing for a baby is valid, her feelings are valid, but using sex as a weapon and manipulating you into feeling bad because you feel differently is toxic! That’s not a healthy mindset to have another baby at all :(. I just had a baby at 41 and it’s completely different than having one at 25 like my first. I am happy with my situation but I can recognize it’s definitely not for everyone. I will be retirement age as he becomes and adult. Her feelings are valid and your feelings are valid; her way of going about this is not healthy for herself, for you or for your marriage. This is one of those big things that can ultimately be a deal-breaker, unfortunately.
Any gift, do not open it but simply donate it as is to charity. Tell your children that the only gift you want from them is for them to ‘insert and activity you do together’ like take a walk with you or read you a story or watch a certain movie or do karaoke with you. If a cake shows up, return it when you drop them off. You need to let your children know that it is inappropriate for their mother to treat you like you are a member of her family. You aren’t. They are part of her family and they are part of yours. I would also tell them you are planning to add your gf to your family so she will become part of their family but not their Mother’s family. Children understand more than you think they do. If you have not explained to them that you will never be a family with their mother – time to do it. If you think family therapy would help them understand then undertake that journey. If your ex contacts you about something that is not directly about your children – say you are hanging up and then do it. Have your attorney send her a letter stating the parameters for communication. Keep records, if she persists, get a restraining order. She is unhappy with her life and wants to make you unhappy by using your children as a weapon.
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From what you say, I don't think he doesn't like you or is comparing you to anyone else. It sounds like he does care too much what is “acceptable” by the general public.
When he brought up the video, just say “okay thanks” and move on from it. If he says you make people uncomfortable say “okay I'll talk to them about it.” Short and sweet. It's their problem and not yours if you are happy with how things are. Say “I don't care what people think” if he uses the “what would people think” reasoning.
Im guessing he just has a criticizing personality and likes to tell people what to change so he has more control in his life.
Honestly I wouldn't want to date someone like this, but this is what I would say to annoying family members just to keep the peace.
A serious conversation is in order here. 1) expenses should be split according to percentage of income. Anything less than that, leaves one person broke and the other not.
2) when discussing 'expenses' those also include all utilities, insurance (if any), internet AND groceries, which includes cleaning supplies. If possible, supply him with receipts so you can verify expenses.
3) You need to stop doing 100% of the cleaning and house chores. He lives there too so half of those chores are his. If you cook all the meals, then he needs to be cleaning the kitchen and dishes after. He needs to scrub his fair share of the bathrooms and the floors, not just you.
Yes, it is weird, and no he was not joking. BUT you need to be serious with the above discussion, other wise you are going to end up paying half the rent, all the groceries and doing all the chores and cooking – which is no way fair AT ALL.
If he can't have this discussion, then you need to move on because these are adult things that need to be addressed.
It's a bit rude- but he's right in that there's nothing he'd be able to do besides give you comforting words but he can't give you words while you're on a plane.
Flight trackers exist, you just need to give him your flight number and he can estimate when to pick you up on time. I don't believe his actions reflect him not caring about your safety, I just think he's not thinking of it as big of a deal as you are
I think you need to flat out explain to him that flying making you nervous and while he wouldn't be able to physically do anything, knowing he's conscious of it would be helpful to you.
??? You're welcome.