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Languages: en
Birth Date: 2003-02-23
Body Type: bodyTypeAverage
Ethnicity: ethnicityWhite
Hair color: hairColorBlack
Eyes color: eyeColorBrown
Subculture: subcultureStudent
Date: February 7, 2023
Your husband is your husband. He can do that. This girl had a bf at the time and he still thought about doing it. That’s wrong and creepy. Why doesn’t anyone see that
Honestly, that depends on what the “something big” is that happened between you and your boyfriend.
Because if this was about a fight or something like that, then involving mutual friends is not a good idea. You're basically asking people who like both of you to pick sides. That never, ever ends well – as your boyfriend now learned, since your friends seemingly sided mainly with you. However, it is just as valid for friends to step back in such a situation to avoid blowing up the rest of the group.
But if this was more about something you and your partner went through together (like, you were out together as a couple, got mugged and now don't feel safe anymore) and your friends are then not supportive when there are no sides to pick, essentially, then they are really shitty friends.
That said, some people generally are only “fairweather friends”, meaning they meet up with friends to hang out and have fun. Nothing deeper and if things ever aren't as “sunny”, then, for those people, the friendship has basically run its course. They want fun, not invest work or time into a friendship. If your friends fall into this category, then it literally doesn't matter what that “something big” was – they would have always reacted the same way and only cared about their fun. Deeper friendships aren't possible with such people.
Get the starter marriage out of the way!
Just to clarify. How long have you been broken up officially?
How are you aware about the engagement?
OP, I have a personal rule that I don’t tell people “I’m sorry” when they have an illness because I have an illness and I know how old that gets fast.
This SUCKS!
As this progresses, you will want someone steadfast by your side. She is showing symptoms of not being that person.
her refusal to tell her parents meant she knew this was how they would behave. She didn’t disclose that before you insisted she tell them.
she accepted distance from you during the decision month but didn’t insist on it from her parents.
she makes impulsive decisions and regrets them later.
Is is extremely vulnerable to manipulation.
Sadly, being with you is a nude road. Caregiving isn’t for the feint of heart.
Not to sound too transactional, but you may be wise in suggesting she take a few courses in caregiving. Being a CNA could help her later on when you need the care, but also would get her the experience to know what she is getting into.
Also, consider if children are an option. If you had kids today, they would be 10-15 when you decline your wife would go from caring for small children to caring for you with almost no time in between.
Add in that her parents are probably banking on her helping them as they decline (they seem like the type). And she is going to basically have 20-30 years of being a caregiver for 3-5 people.
She wont be able to online her life until she is 60+ and that is assuming the money hasn’t run out by that point because she likely will be taking care of so many people that she wont have time to work.
If you do have kids, they will be at a significant risk of parentification even if 100% healthy. That can really mess people up over the years.
Consider a long engagement at this point. I know you are excited to set a date, but her taking a few caregiving courses and maybe volunteering in a skilled nursing facility might help her understand the challenges.
A long engagement could also give her parents time to either calm down and stop being asses or to really show their true colors.
There are no good answers, only shades of bad.
Break up with him. His behavior is unacceptable and it may be a matter of time before you regret giving him a chance to act on it.
I think you have the upper hand in that case. I don't know how you can do it legally, better if you do it by the books and consult a professional.
In the meantime, 2 months have passed, so maybe look into it a little if the dog is fine and take much evidence as you can without rising any suspicion and see what is the best course of action.