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Bella, 18 y.o.
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Date: November 4, 2022
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I would be petty and take a screenshot. Post it on sm. Tag her.
He didn't forget, why else would he have asked you if you wanted flowers on your ANNIVERSARY and then say it's because YOU didn't pick out a vase, which you implied to be part of the present?! That interaction shows he knew exactly about the flowers and the vase, he most likely just didn't want to go out of his way for you. Please put yourself first, either he gets off his ass to be a partner or you should drop him like the baggage he acts like.
Bro this is the hardest decision of my life. It’s basically like if I’m gonna ask her to marry her tomorrow. She wants me to assure her that I AM gonna marry her. I’m terrified and I don’t wanna be an asshole.
Asking her to change who she is or what her line of work is for you is not the setup for a healthy relationship lmao
If you keep this a secret its going to eat at you until the resentment is uncontrollable.
Tell him you've talked to others. You shouldn't have but you went through his phone. You need to talk about what you've found.
If he's realized he was wrong for burning money and has changed his ways? Or has he decided to settle? Or – as you said – is he holding on until he finds “better”? These are huge questions and you can't simply bottle this up and ignore it.
Worst case? He admits it and your exit stage left… Best case? This starts dialog about your feelings of being treated as less and you can fix this.
But better rip the bandaid and either kill the relationship now it fix it better for the long run.
It's completely up to you as to how you do it.
As this is an abusive relationship (or is progressing into one), it's best to get all your ducks in a row and then once the final duck is lined up, you make your move.
The “ducks” in this case are going to be living arrangements, working out what you are going to take, making a stash of important documents (copying them and storing them on a cloud service is a good idea), arranging finances, getting a lawyer to draw up the papers, etc. It may take you some time so in the meantime, you can slowly start to disassociate from her if you like – which with her work is probably not going to be an issue and she may not even notice.
Involve your family in the process HOWEVER do not do this over text, emails, etc. Just do it via voice calls only just in case she is snooping on you.
As regards a lawyer, you do not have to file for divorce immediately and you can leave, move back home and file from there.
For now though, just play along and if you can, read up on Gray/Grey Rock as a means of doing that slow dissociation from her. You have some planning to do and some school to concentrate on. So make these your priority. Set your goal in your head and work towards that result.
And then when the time comes, you grab what you planned to grab and walk away and go home. Leave nothing behind but your wedding ring and your keys, get a new number and get off all social media. She'll know what is happening when she gets the divorce petition.
Oh fuck off with this garbage.