So relationship started with cheating, having excuse for cheating, not owning the cheating, you being controlling, you being insecure, “triangulation”, other people getting involved, she playing a victim, you being stressed….
Anyway, you choose to stay with her but you made a huge mistake by trying to control her in order to feel secured in a relationship with her. Trust is broken here.
You should ask her to make some changes in her life in order for you to be sure that she'll never cheat again.
She should already come up with a plan to stop drinking because next time she's drunk she'll just hook up with some other friend or with some stranger because she can't control herself!
She never owned the cheating. She should apologized for hooking up with a “friend” and admit that now they are more then “friends”. She should also come up with a solution and not you. She could say that she'll cut contact with that “friend” for 12 months in order to make you feel secured and invest her time in rebuilding the trust that she lost with you.
So, next time before “choosing to say” talk with a cheater, listen carefully who or what is being blamed for cheating and NEVER put yourself in the position to become controlling but instead let the cheater find and implement the solutions for the “problem” and then choose if you'll stay or not!
Anyway, they probably have feelings for eachother, she already cheated on you, they have some emotional connection together and you are already getting hurt and started to miserable in that relationship.
It's still early and the best thing for you is to get out. There were many mistakes made, to many people is involved, so much drama, you were hurt, you are hurting her in order to feel secured in a relationship, she didn't own her mistake, you are being taken for a fool and she's slowly breaking your boundaries.. Know your self worth, have some self respect and get some courage to love yourself more than her! You suffered enough and you deserve better!
If you can't break up with her, try breaking up for at least 6 months in order to heal from the pain she caused you. Also give her that time so she can understand her feelings, her priorities in life and also work on her mental health and alcoholism (she admitted having alcohol problem).
If you are both single in 6 months then you can give the relationship another chance or not…but at least 6 months would give both of you some time to move on and have a less painful break up coz of her mental health.
There are some people who have a hot time with grief and do not know how to respond to it. Simply let him know that you only need him to listen and that’s it. Most people don’t realize that sometimes people tell you stuff just because they need someone to listen.
I’ve been exactly where you are. At least 3 times. And, in my experience, it always escalates. It makes you feel worse every day. And you don’t want to allow a situation where you turn into someone you’re not. If you give him the opportunity, don’t give a 3rd chance. Leave if he does it (or anything like it) again. Don’t doubt yourself or make up excuses for him. He isn’t stupid. He knows right from wrong (which is why he didn’t tell you to begin with). Do not listen to any bs about how it isn’t the same because it’s a different site, or I didn’t know. Just protect your heart…
Kudos for doing yoga, it is a really great way to get a supple body. It's also a great way to gently build up body strength. You can add in demanding postures like planking and push-ups to turn your routine into a gentle workout.
I would suggest taking some kind of dancing lessons, or just practise dancing at home in front of a mirror, to keep loosening your body up and ease it into the rhythm – I assume you'll striptease to music? Choose something sexy but funny, you need to lean into the fun side of it since you're not a Chippendale.
Oil up definitely. Coconut oil is absolutely great for your skin, and leaves it soft and shiny. Be careful though it might stain your clothing too and can be hot to get out.
And keep your hat on since you're self-conscious about balding!
He knows…I've mentioned it multiple times before. I don't know if it's a healthy approach but I don't want to bring it up to him because I feel like he'll feel obligated to act like he likes them. I don't like the sound of that
I… Actually have no idea if this is morally 'right' or 'wrong'. On one hand, I have no issues with porn. And at the same time, pictures of my ex's do pop up on my cloud drive, but I've deleted them out of respect of their own privacy.
However, these are dudes that consented to sharing images exclusively with him. Not to have a relationship with. Not even with the intention of having physical sex with him. They're strictly used as a source for him to masturbate then go about his business…
Wow, I'm actually really torn on this. The bottom line is this is a boundary you're not comfortable with, and he should put that into strong consideration. I wish I had more for you OP. This situation is a real head scratcher for me.
You can have a civil divorce with lawyers involved. In a non-contentious divorce they're just there to sort through the legal red tape of dividing assets and such to make sure nothing is done improperly that would cause headaches down the line. And if your wife DOES make the divorce contentious, your lawyer is there to protect you from that.
It may be possible to go without depending on where you are, but given your descriptions of your wife I wouldn't recommend it.
I do that.
“drunkenly hooked up with one of her guy friends”
How about you “drunkenly ” break up with her?
So relationship started with cheating, having excuse for cheating, not owning the cheating, you being controlling, you being insecure, “triangulation”, other people getting involved, she playing a victim, you being stressed….
Anyway, you choose to stay with her but you made a huge mistake by trying to control her in order to feel secured in a relationship with her. Trust is broken here.
You should ask her to make some changes in her life in order for you to be sure that she'll never cheat again.
She should already come up with a plan to stop drinking because next time she's drunk she'll just hook up with some other friend or with some stranger because she can't control herself!
She never owned the cheating. She should apologized for hooking up with a “friend” and admit that now they are more then “friends”. She should also come up with a solution and not you. She could say that she'll cut contact with that “friend” for 12 months in order to make you feel secured and invest her time in rebuilding the trust that she lost with you.
So, next time before “choosing to say” talk with a cheater, listen carefully who or what is being blamed for cheating and NEVER put yourself in the position to become controlling but instead let the cheater find and implement the solutions for the “problem” and then choose if you'll stay or not!
Anyway, they probably have feelings for eachother, she already cheated on you, they have some emotional connection together and you are already getting hurt and started to miserable in that relationship.
It's still early and the best thing for you is to get out. There were many mistakes made, to many people is involved, so much drama, you were hurt, you are hurting her in order to feel secured in a relationship, she didn't own her mistake, you are being taken for a fool and she's slowly breaking your boundaries.. Know your self worth, have some self respect and get some courage to love yourself more than her! You suffered enough and you deserve better!
If you can't break up with her, try breaking up for at least 6 months in order to heal from the pain she caused you. Also give her that time so she can understand her feelings, her priorities in life and also work on her mental health and alcoholism (she admitted having alcohol problem).
If you are both single in 6 months then you can give the relationship another chance or not…but at least 6 months would give both of you some time to move on and have a less painful break up coz of her mental health.
There are some people who have a hot time with grief and do not know how to respond to it. Simply let him know that you only need him to listen and that’s it. Most people don’t realize that sometimes people tell you stuff just because they need someone to listen.
I’ve been exactly where you are. At least 3 times. And, in my experience, it always escalates. It makes you feel worse every day. And you don’t want to allow a situation where you turn into someone you’re not. If you give him the opportunity, don’t give a 3rd chance. Leave if he does it (or anything like it) again. Don’t doubt yourself or make up excuses for him. He isn’t stupid. He knows right from wrong (which is why he didn’t tell you to begin with). Do not listen to any bs about how it isn’t the same because it’s a different site, or I didn’t know. Just protect your heart…
Never respond to him again. And notify his wife.
You aren't the only one he's stalking . His needs to know.
Stay in your lane, jeez
Your wife is a lucky woman!
Kudos for doing yoga, it is a really great way to get a supple body. It's also a great way to gently build up body strength. You can add in demanding postures like planking and push-ups to turn your routine into a gentle workout.
I would suggest taking some kind of dancing lessons, or just practise dancing at home in front of a mirror, to keep loosening your body up and ease it into the rhythm – I assume you'll striptease to music? Choose something sexy but funny, you need to lean into the fun side of it since you're not a Chippendale.
Oil up definitely. Coconut oil is absolutely great for your skin, and leaves it soft and shiny. Be careful though it might stain your clothing too and can be hot to get out.
And keep your hat on since you're self-conscious about balding!
Good luck!
He knows…I've mentioned it multiple times before. I don't know if it's a healthy approach but I don't want to bring it up to him because I feel like he'll feel obligated to act like he likes them. I don't like the sound of that
I… Actually have no idea if this is morally 'right' or 'wrong'. On one hand, I have no issues with porn. And at the same time, pictures of my ex's do pop up on my cloud drive, but I've deleted them out of respect of their own privacy.
However, these are dudes that consented to sharing images exclusively with him. Not to have a relationship with. Not even with the intention of having physical sex with him. They're strictly used as a source for him to masturbate then go about his business…
Wow, I'm actually really torn on this. The bottom line is this is a boundary you're not comfortable with, and he should put that into strong consideration. I wish I had more for you OP. This situation is a real head scratcher for me.
We usually have more rational arguments, but this hit a nerve for him because it triggered some past issues. I'm not sure how to approach.
You can have a civil divorce with lawyers involved. In a non-contentious divorce they're just there to sort through the legal red tape of dividing assets and such to make sure nothing is done improperly that would cause headaches down the line. And if your wife DOES make the divorce contentious, your lawyer is there to protect you from that.
It may be possible to go without depending on where you are, but given your descriptions of your wife I wouldn't recommend it.
Nope. But like I said, we don’t really have them to begin with.
What you’re describing is stonewalling and it’s considered emotional abuse.