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byanca-heart chat
Date: October 16, 2022
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I stopped reading after the first paragraph. Your “friend” is dramatic and self centered to be that way acting like she knows whats best for your love life. She sounds like a closet crush waiting for her chance. You will be lucky if you can turn things around based off of that one bit of drama I read, I see in the comments you lied too so its not looking good.
I used to read poetry at poetry nights & open mic nights. Your ex was right about poetry increasing in popularity for the past few years, she was wrong about anyone being able to get on stage and immediately being on the level of Amanda Gorman. It takes years of regular performances to command the attention of an inauguration or superbowl audience with a poem. You need to have already mastered the skills of stage presence, vocal delivery, cadence, the art of pauses, reading with a mic, without a mic. On top of skills of writing and editing a poem. And not all poems suit being read aloud. Some are better read on a page. It takes skills to command the attention of a poetry audience with your poem, let alone anywhere else.
Your ex ironically did the thing she accused Kate of doing. Your ex expected a handout. She expected her first time getting on stage performing poetry her wedding guests would give her an Amanda Gorman level of praise, without her having the Amanda Gorman level of skill. Your ex didn't even practice privately with someone or attend an open mic night beforehand. Kate has spent years consistently developing her songwriting and performance skills on the side. Her praise was proportionate to her performance, as with any talent show. No handouts to the bride. The only place where a newbie steps on stage for the first time and blows everyone's mind with no practise is in the movies. The poem she read wasn't even a romance poem related to your relationship, so your ex really was expecting your wedding guests to read her mind and react exactly how she imagined and has been throwing the mother of all tantrums that everyone has refused to indulge her delusions. If you want to be a poetry performer, you gotta work at it.
He was willing to gamble your health by lying to you….
He was chatting with ex in a way that suggests he was emotionally cheating.
He didn't lie to protect your feelings. He lied because he is a liar. It comes easy to him.
It didn't cause him an ounce of concern to let you contract a disease that you spent 13 months trying to recover from.
How do you even trust him to do anything at this point?
You are aware that what he did, in certain jurisdictions, would render him liable under the law?
Read this back to yourself. You're staring at his front door if he took the food. You had his dad let you into the house at 4:50am. You're checking his phone availability and if he's connected to WiFi.
This man deserves space, not a stalker. Leave him alone.
But why does she disrespect you and your relationship so much ?
Not exactly nauseuous…. but about wht the heck would one even talk?
I know people on here rush to dump them but seriously. Think about how she uses race in every argument she uses her superiority to win. It will come up if you want to get married, if you have kids, money issues, whether to give financial support to her family, it will be used again and again. She's telling you she's racist against brown people but also against you. You can't share interests or your favorite restaurant even because you're afraid of her reaction.This is going to get worse, not better with time. Everything will be a conflict. She's already dismissive of you. Do you seriously want to deal with this and be treated this way for the next 20 years? Or having her turn your kids against you because you're white? Why does she even want to be in a relationship with someone she thinks so little of? I feel this is a really toxic relationship you should leave and find someone less combative and exhausting.
There's a lot to unpick here. The most important thing is not the flip-flopping on wanting a divorce, it's the reason he gave in the first place. He's been thinking about it for a while. You noticed he's become distant. I'm not sure why he thinks any of this can be unsaid, any more than what he thought can be unthought. And your gut is clearly not buying it. You're too young to tie yourself into a marriage based on such an ambivalent scenario.
Having said all that, you have got him to agree to counseling which might clarify things in a way that could enable you to accept what's happened but as things stand at the moment I think your gut is guiding you well. Good luck to you.
Shockingly bad take!
Girl, I think you should just leave this situation and find someone else that isn't super glued to his mommy. He's never cutting the umbilical cord off, so if that's the life you want, go ahead and stay with him. But if you already know this isn't what you want, then you should walk away from all this and never look back. You're still young, I'm sure you can find someone else who's more mature and independent.
Are you his doctor? Have you diagnosed him?
No. You're talking out your arse.