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Hey im new, make me naughty (topless) [GOAL MET]
Date: October 9, 2022
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You've selected a very feminine man, and if I had to guess you're a very masculine woman. An educated woman and an ambitious person who knows what you want and goes to get it. You probably get irrationally upset when someone tells you no.
It would make sense if I described you above for you to have chosen a guy who is very emotionally vulnerable and generally agreeable. His desire for your love is a consequence of his feminine side. Your complaints about him will likely be that he's lackadaisical, waits for your orders, and generally you sometimes feel like he wants a mother rather than a girlfriend/wife. You selected him because he was easy to get along with, and now you recognize that you're having to step up and lead and that's not comfortable.
The problem is that in your past relationships, your boyfriends would likely all call you bossy and angry and disagreeable. If this is correct then I've described your problems and why they will either continue to exist as is, or you'll continue to believe you can be a bossy person and get the benefits of someone who doesn't argue but is ambitious and independent. And I regret to inform you that if he's the guy you want, you won't find him. He'd be just like you, and you'd fight a lot and you'd quickly realize that he is bossy and doesn't tell you anything and would leave rather quickly.
You want all the benefits of an agreeable and dependent person with all the benefits of an ambitious and independent one. Ambitious people are leaders who want a followers. Agreeable people are followers who want to be lead. Dependent people want orders, independent people want to give orders. Neither the masculine nor the feminine come without some traits that are undesirable, and those who fail to recognize that some undesirable traits are a consequence of the positive ones end up alone. There is nothing perfect in whichever way you choose to be. There are tradeoffs and complaints you can make about any personality because the qualities of people are at odds with another.
I mean there is a lot for you guys to discover. Everyone's jumping to cheating, but you said yourself that she has always had a low sex drive, is it possible that she is asexual or on that spectrum? I think counseling could help discover if that's true. Did she specifically say she wanted to open up the relationship so that she could also sleep with other people? Or is it maybe that she feels the resentment from you building up, and is trying to to keep the emotional side together but trying to offer you a way to also get your sexual needs met while she isn't interested in sex. I can't say for sure that that's what's going on but it's a real possibility and counseling will her discover that part of herself.
If you wouldn't look at her in certain ways, discuss certain topics or touch her in front of her husband, then I'd say it's likely inappropriate.
She sounds like she's on the verge of cheating with you. Emotionally and/or physically.
Why did she intentionally leave out what she said in response to being asked to go upstairs?
What exactly do you mean by that?
Or boyfriend could just use condoms.
However we did meet right after I moved into a new state and didn’t know anybody. He’s given me a timeline too on when he wants to buy a home but “forgets” how serious I take getting engaged or married prior to buying property. It does make me considered that I’m being led into a trap.
Honey. I did this when I was 17-23. Dated the same man for six years, and only when I left FOR REAL, he offered to “actually” tell everyone. I went to his soccer games, stayed in his house secretly, wasn’t allowed to post photos with or of him (let alone take pictures WITH him), and joined his family for holidays as his sister’s friend (who didn’t even know). I look back and literally cannot believe I put up with that. My self esteem was low. My trust for him was high. My need for love was extremely high. But my respect for myself was non existent. Love yourself first. Put yourself first. You deserve someone that jumps around to show you off and hype you up.
For what it’s worth, he had a serious girlfriend during our “relationship” that I didn’t know about. He was 7 years older than me so it was easy to hide from me as we did not have the same friends and he blocked me on all social media. He’s now 35, never been in another serious relationship, lives with his divorced 33 year old brother, and just got his first real job a few years ago. I did better. And so can you.