At my workplace I met a woman who started flirting with me, a married man. I had been married for 17 years at that time. It felt good to be on the receiving end of her flirting so I rolled with it and started flirting back. It was all harmless until it wasn’t. I soon started catching feelings for her, realized I had a major crush and that things had gone to far. I remember being confused because it felt great to have those “butterflies” again but it really got me thinking about my own marriage. Why wasn’t I feeling this way about my wife anymore?
So I pulled her aside one day and told her the flirting needs to end and that what we were doing wasn’t appropriate. She didn’t take it well but it had its intended effect and she stopped flirting with me and only communicated with me when it was something about work. A week later I’m being pulled into HR being accused of sexual harassment. The company wanted to keep me and just write me up but they didn’t even ask my side of the story so I walked.
The crush started to die pretty quickly once I was out of there and had no contact with her anymore.
My advice? Cut contact with this person completely if you can. Most crushes are intense but short lived and it will pass with time and no contact. Next you should exam your own relationship and figure out why you’re feeling this way? Is there an aspect of your marriage that isn’t fully meeting your needs? Talk to your husband about it and seek counseling (that’s what me and my wife did) and you might find things changing for the better in your relationship.
Why would you want to be with someone who keeps trying to basically “catch you” being racist and makes everything about race? Making a historically accurate movie shouldn't have added token POC characters. Just like a movie about the building of the Great Wall of China shouldn't have a token white character.
Why would you want to be with someone who keeps trying to basically “catch you” being racist and makes everything about race? Making a historically accurate movie shouldn't have added token POC characters. Just like a movie about the building of the Great Wall of China shouldn't have a token white character.
So he could have easily saved money all this time because he makes a great salary but didn’t because he prefers to live in the moment. These are roughly your words here. I interpret this to mean that he’s not entirely responsible with money and that he isn’t a planner, not financially speaking anyway. But you are.
So, what about him leads you to believe that he will be able or willing to be frugal for a while and pay back the loan? What leads you to believe that he will change after you two are married?
How would the mechanics of your finances and the repayment of the loan work? Would you share an account? Keep separate ones? Who would track how much is paid to his brother and when? How much does he expect you to contribute toward the repayment of the loan? How much are you contributing from the get-go? And when would his brother expect to have it repaid by?
You were led to believe that he had his own money in savings. But it wasn’t exactly his money, he’s not the one who saved it, right? I’m guessing it was inherited? Has he had free access to it all these years or can he only get to it with his brother’s permission?
Full stop, think about who your fiancé is, not who you were lead to believe he was or who you hoped he was. You are about to combine your financial futures which will include debt, loans, savings, and trust. If you add kids to this then your dependence on him could drastically increase. And what are your retirement plans? How many years do the two of you plan to work and when do you hope to retire?
Yes, it’s a lot to consider and discuss with him. Remember, you are engaged to a guy who “lives in the moment”. So you’ll need to decide whether you are willing to take control of your financial future for the two of you, hit the pause button and reconsider going forward, or wing it and hope he changes.
Have the very hot talk and either make a plan you can online with or back out of this.
Regarding your friends mock controller: does he just change controllers when he gets mad? I can’t really imagine how that could integrate into intense gaming habits. Also my boyfriend mostly uses his keypad and mouse.
Sounds like he needs to be getting his life together, not dating right now. A simple “sorry, not interested good luck with everything” is all you owe at this point
First off, so sorry about your mother. That must be difficult. Perhaps difficult enough that maybe you were a bit emotionally raw when you met this guy and maybe didn't make the best decisions for yourself. At just three months into knowing him you'd both discovered that he was incapable of monogamy. Yet just seven days later you were still fighting this futile battle to force him to be a boyfriend (when he clearly wasn't interested in that). You're just never going to get over this until you stop having contact with this guy. He's a grown adult so doesn't even have the excuse of immaturity. You're probably not wrong that your seemingly irrational decisions with this player were the result of still being in mourning when you met him. But don't let yourself keep falling back into this. He's never going to be what you want.
Most people can only relate to what they are hearing through their own experience. It takes skills and maturity to do better.
What are you doing to put yourself into a situation where can connect with mature, skillful, empathetic people?
Why is everyone miss reading this? You’re not in the wrong, you have your own views on it and that’s fine!
At my workplace I met a woman who started flirting with me, a married man. I had been married for 17 years at that time. It felt good to be on the receiving end of her flirting so I rolled with it and started flirting back. It was all harmless until it wasn’t. I soon started catching feelings for her, realized I had a major crush and that things had gone to far. I remember being confused because it felt great to have those “butterflies” again but it really got me thinking about my own marriage. Why wasn’t I feeling this way about my wife anymore?
So I pulled her aside one day and told her the flirting needs to end and that what we were doing wasn’t appropriate. She didn’t take it well but it had its intended effect and she stopped flirting with me and only communicated with me when it was something about work. A week later I’m being pulled into HR being accused of sexual harassment. The company wanted to keep me and just write me up but they didn’t even ask my side of the story so I walked.
The crush started to die pretty quickly once I was out of there and had no contact with her anymore.
My advice? Cut contact with this person completely if you can. Most crushes are intense but short lived and it will pass with time and no contact. Next you should exam your own relationship and figure out why you’re feeling this way? Is there an aspect of your marriage that isn’t fully meeting your needs? Talk to your husband about it and seek counseling (that’s what me and my wife did) and you might find things changing for the better in your relationship.
Why would you want to be with someone who keeps trying to basically “catch you” being racist and makes everything about race? Making a historically accurate movie shouldn't have added token POC characters. Just like a movie about the building of the Great Wall of China shouldn't have a token white character.
Why would you want to be with someone who keeps trying to basically “catch you” being racist and makes everything about race? Making a historically accurate movie shouldn't have added token POC characters. Just like a movie about the building of the Great Wall of China shouldn't have a token white character.
So he could have easily saved money all this time because he makes a great salary but didn’t because he prefers to live in the moment. These are roughly your words here. I interpret this to mean that he’s not entirely responsible with money and that he isn’t a planner, not financially speaking anyway. But you are.
So, what about him leads you to believe that he will be able or willing to be frugal for a while and pay back the loan? What leads you to believe that he will change after you two are married?
How would the mechanics of your finances and the repayment of the loan work? Would you share an account? Keep separate ones? Who would track how much is paid to his brother and when? How much does he expect you to contribute toward the repayment of the loan? How much are you contributing from the get-go? And when would his brother expect to have it repaid by?
You were led to believe that he had his own money in savings. But it wasn’t exactly his money, he’s not the one who saved it, right? I’m guessing it was inherited? Has he had free access to it all these years or can he only get to it with his brother’s permission?
Full stop, think about who your fiancé is, not who you were lead to believe he was or who you hoped he was. You are about to combine your financial futures which will include debt, loans, savings, and trust. If you add kids to this then your dependence on him could drastically increase. And what are your retirement plans? How many years do the two of you plan to work and when do you hope to retire?
Yes, it’s a lot to consider and discuss with him. Remember, you are engaged to a guy who “lives in the moment”. So you’ll need to decide whether you are willing to take control of your financial future for the two of you, hit the pause button and reconsider going forward, or wing it and hope he changes.
Have the very hot talk and either make a plan you can online with or back out of this.
Regarding your friends mock controller: does he just change controllers when he gets mad? I can’t really imagine how that could integrate into intense gaming habits. Also my boyfriend mostly uses his keypad and mouse.
Wow OP you're dense, that guy actually dodge a bullet
Sounds like he needs to be getting his life together, not dating right now. A simple “sorry, not interested good luck with everything” is all you owe at this point
First off, so sorry about your mother. That must be difficult. Perhaps difficult enough that maybe you were a bit emotionally raw when you met this guy and maybe didn't make the best decisions for yourself. At just three months into knowing him you'd both discovered that he was incapable of monogamy. Yet just seven days later you were still fighting this futile battle to force him to be a boyfriend (when he clearly wasn't interested in that). You're just never going to get over this until you stop having contact with this guy. He's a grown adult so doesn't even have the excuse of immaturity. You're probably not wrong that your seemingly irrational decisions with this player were the result of still being in mourning when you met him. But don't let yourself keep falling back into this. He's never going to be what you want.