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Date: October 17, 2022
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what is wrong with your sex life that you both need to sleep with other people?
Yes, I would break up. He knew there was a risk he could lose you if he found out. He didn’t care and did it anyway. Make losing you his reality.
She's moving forward without you. Accept that and move on.
Thank you for this. I’m sorry for what you have been through with your spouse. I am glad he is finally getting help in rehab. It’s just crazy how powerful alcohol can have a grasp on people’s lives and some only get help once at that point. My bf has already started to try and hide the drinking from me or down play how much he drinks. I definitely cannot see myself in 30 years dealing with this or to be put in a more difficult place, so thank you for your perspective and for sharing. Xx
Call her a bomber and see how she takes it /s
You can't trust him again. He literally got a prostitute, and the trigger was he was drunk. Unless he can guarantee he will never talk to any of those friends again, never do drugs again, and never drink to excess again, then I can't see how to move past this. He is a terrible person, and you deserve so much better OP
You sort of glossed over the fact that your therapist also told you that you’re in an abusive relationship. They would know.
Try to read back over your post from a detached observer perspective. Does this seem like a healthy relationship to you?
Yeah, well, it's pretty indefensible. “Look guys, I know he threatened to murder you, but you just don't know him like I do.”
Run away, call the police and make a report about his threats. Record and save all communications from him, though I wouldn't actually engage with him. Get a restraining order if possible.
Even if it turns out these particular threats are all bluster, they are still a huge red flag signaling that this person is emotionally immature, abusive and manipulating. None of those are traits that make for a good partner.
I'm not saying you're wrong, but is this not something akin to confirmation bias? People don't post on relationship advice subs about how great their experience with a threesome is, so literally all we ever see are the posts about bad experiences, no?
And let's be honest, 95% of the time those are clearly posts where one partner suggests a threesome because they want to have sex with someone else without it being cheating and then their partner gets left out of the experience. Is there somewhere with real stats on this because that would be interesting to see.
Again, I'm not trying to say a threesome is the right move at all, but if you go through with it (and this is based entirely on reading people's bad experiences), I'd say make sure everyone participating is equally involved and getting some attention from everyone else there. It seems like the vast majority of the bad posts we see here about threesome are about people ignoring their partner and focusing entirely on the third, which of course means one person walks away feeling ignored and rejected because they 100% were.
Thank you. I’m thinking of talking to her one on one first, this week or next week. How do you think I should bring it up? What should I say? What if she apologises and tries to be my friend again?