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DANNA-LENA lovense
Date: October 25, 2022
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Sociopaths and psychopaths all fall within the umbrella of antisocial personality disorder. It would be important to know if he has undergone a mental health evaluation to help determine what/if any disorders exist. It is essential that he is in therapy to help ensure he is functioning well on a personal level with psychiatric help to focus on the medical aspect.
It is truly up to you as you know his actions best. Sit down with a self help book about signs of abusive relationships and mark anything that applies to your relationship. Does he care about your feelings? Can you trust him? Do you feel safe around him? Is he verbally abusive? This will help you remove the emotions when considering if this is a relationship to continue. Sociopaths are known for manipulating situations to benefit them and to a normal person they have no moral code. This makes having a relationship very difficult and if you decide to continue the relationship I would suggest that you have couples counseling. Have firm rules for the relationship and ensure there is an agreement if things were to end. It is possible.
Now with all of the helpful parts I understand your fear. I was married to someone who was diagnosed as a sociopath as a child but more likely falls under being a psychopath. Granted I didn't know this until after I got away from the relationship and I wish I knew before going through all of that pain. Nothing was about what was best for me. I always felt trapped in the relationship and he gaslighted me and other abuse tactics to where I likely developed Stockholm syndrome. He would beat and torture me, he would threaten my family, and when he realized for some reason that never made sense to him that I care more about others than myself he abused it. He tortured and killed my pets forcing me to watch. I have lived an awful and abusive life to where I didn't see an issue with the way he treated me. I developed CPTSD and being with a sociopath broke me as a person.
Please be smart and focus on what is right for you. There is nothing wrong with admitting that this is too much for you to handle and end the relationship.
If she does ask for the advice (rather than just complain and its assumed she wants advice) then the problem is even though she sees the advice is useful it’s not the advice she needs.
For example telling her to stop smoking pot would be decent advice, but if she smokes to self medicate for depression, then it’ll be hot to do. The advice and help then that she needs, isn’t to stop smoking pot, it’s to help her to get on depression meds. Figure out the root emotional need and address that with your advice, it’ll work much better. And if you don’t want to do that, that’s fine, but then stop giving advice, as clearly it’s not helping her and just frustrating you.
WTF is wrong with your girlfriend?
I mean, yeah, if you’re that checked out, you’re pretty much done.
I agree with you: therapy so you have no regrets, but I’m not sure how successful it can be if you don’t want to fight for the relationship.
If it's possible, you may want to try and change schedules. I know this sucks and I'm sorry
Like what if my sister wanted to do something with him instead of pulling away? Would he have cheated on me with my own sister?
Yes. He would have.
Is that someone you want to marry?
Gah thank you ? that means a lot
Thanks for the advice! I'm thinking somewhere around the 3rd date might be better if this one works out? And hopefully he doesn't lol
I have seen a doctor, and they basically told me that I have vaginismus; physically I'm technically fine, I just kinda need a workout plan? As in building up slowly and practicing regularly. I'm just aware that that's definitely not what most guys expect to need to deal with in a relationship.
Thank you so much for such an affirming, beautifully written post! The point that it’s always scary to help strangers is true and one I had not considered. This is a thoughtful perspective and perhaps it is one reason the thought of messaging her makes me so anxious. I do think the moral thing is to message her, it’s just fear and self protection that’s holding me back. Thank you again for your input, I appreciate you taking the time.