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Date: October 16, 2022
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I lived in a building by campus when I was in college. My upstairs neighbor had been a friend of mine but he had a pretty gnarly mental health crisis and moved out. Was replaced by about six college girls in a two bedroom. No problem, they were all blonde sorority girls but polite enough. Then the semester started and they started having Britney Spears (lol the year 2000) dancathons IN THEIR BEDROOM at 6:30am every single morning.
Now, at the time I was full goblin mode. My mental health had caused me to withdraw from the previous semester and I was just starting to get my shit together. Part of that was knowing my sleep cycle and balancing it with work. I had no classes that started before noon, and I worked til 11pm. 11pm-4am were my homework/hobby time. So these girls start pulling this shit and it really fucks with me. Like, badly. I get being a morning person but you don’t need to subject your neighbors to it. I didn’t subject them to my night owlness because I had headphones.
So I knock on their door of day three of this and explain it as nicely as I can. “Hi, I on-line downstairs and have to keep late hours for my job and my classes don’t start until noon. I’d really appreciate it if you could keep it down in the mornings because 6:30 for you is basically my 2am and I really need the sleep.” They apologized and I thought done was done. Then the next morning it was twice as loud and I heard one of them scream “FUCK THAT GUY, ITS TIME TO GET UP BIIIIITCH.”
So I knock again. Hear more laughter, “hahah it’s him again!” they don’t answer this time.
What they didn’t know is that I’m a low budget audiophile. I had 100w of pure 70s receiver and a pair of tower speakers with two 8”s, two 6”s, and a tweeter each. I also threw local parties so I knew the exact volume you could have something at any hour and where it could legally be measured from. I also had a friend with a good decibel meter and a recently acquired “Boston’s Greatest Hits” CD. So I moved the stereo into my bedroom during the day when they were all out. I pointed the speakers at the ceiling. I let my neighbors who weren’t them know I was going to be ruining lives from 2-4am that night. I checked the exact volume from 20ft at all four corners around the building.
At 2am I queued up More Than a Feeling on repeat. It was about 105dB in my bedroom, probably around 90 in theirs. 72 exactly outside (thanks slightly below ground apartment!) I went outside and smoked and read my homework for two hours. Saw the lights come on and them glare at me from the windows. Cops showed up after an hour, they did the decibel check while I chatted with them. One of them told me they love Boston and left. Then I turned it off at 4am and went to bed.
Next afternoon there was a “sorry” note under my door. No more Ms Spears dance parties in the morning.
Anyway in retrospect that was a total dick move and they could have made my life a living hell but then I almost committed suicide two months later so it’s not like they really could have made things any worse for me.
I can't speak for all men but personally no it doesn't matter to me if she is enjoying herself and isn't replacing sex with her vibrator
His behavior is emotionally abusive and not ok at all. Sounds like an endless stream of red flags. You can do much better than this guy.
I think people in the post are missing that it was an emotional affair, not a confirmed physical one (which it could be, but OP might not have caught that).
Girl he wants a mommy. Get out while you can. I understand when emotions get involved we tend to throw things to the wayside. Such as we both thought we’d change our minds about kids. He’s overstayed his welcome so it’s time to move on. Also, I’m sure dudes got a phone so he could literally set an alarm to remember important dates. I’m sure you love him (or maybe the idea of him) but he doesn’t sound like he’s planning on changing anytime soon. Especially bc you’ve told him these things and he doesn’t change or make any effort and you still stick around. You’ve trained him how he can treat you.
You deserve two women now. You deserve better than being lied to for years. You deserve a woman who is honest, not a deal breaker. Tell her she can stick around if she wants, but what you need from a woman you can no longer find from her. Either way, fuck that bitch for giving you the run around and wasting years of your life. You deserve better.
Buy her some
This is awesome. Thank you so much.
? This would piss me off.. That isn't a gift!
Nay
You’re right im just so low and angry and I have nowhere really to go
Am I being too paranoid that he just wants the benefits of a situationship, and is making excuses for not getting into a serious relationship?
That is exactly what he's doing. He is just like 90% of men in the dating world right now. They feel lonely, need attention and some validation and to feel loved. Nothing wrong with that, i mean who doesn't like those things? But at the same time they want freedom. They don't want to be able to be held accountable if they upset you and they make it seem like being committed is some sort of prison. When in reality all they would have to do is learn how to communicate and be respectful and considerate. But something this easy is too much when you don't genuinely have feelings for someone and it's more about the experience than the person you're dating. So you're really just wasting your time dating this guy.
I do groceries already, both planning and picking up. And yes lol, I'm well aware of milestones and we work together on them with our child. And I found the pediatrician whom we go to together for appointments.
Tell her so she can decide for herself if she wants to continue her relationship with an insecure intrusive ass
“No”
Sexual act with another human is still cheating. If it's not agreeable to you, she should respect that. Maybe you should reevaluate if you really have a common ground in this relationship. This woman may not be the one.
Cross that line. Ask her why said family member is trying to concern her with that information. Followed by “you feeling sad about that is affecting me”
Move on!! Your old relationship has been beaten into the ground. Go NC with the ex.
Sam may have introduced you two, but he didn't interfere with your relationship. To me he is caught in the middle. Maybe he should have come to you sooner. But he's young too just like you! Your both friends of his. Leave him out of it.
Let it go!! Your beating a dead horse!! Too much drama. Find a loyal honey!!
Yes it absolutely does matter! There is an entire world of difference between asking someone out and asking someone to be your on demand fuck buddy, and if you still can’t see that, then you’ve learned nothing.
I can guarantee this drama wouldn’t have been happening if you’d just asked her out for lunch. She would probably still have rejected you, but she wouldn’t be as hurt and humiliated and you wouldn’t have come off as a giant creep.
She's selfish, extremely selfish. My advice is to get a new gf. One that actually cares about your health and wellbeing.
This is all really great advice. Thank you very much for all your help.
Yeah. Honestly, this is also what my guts are telling me to do. Again, while I really appreciate everyone's comments, I do believe that he genuinely wants the best for me. I have experienced things in the past (bf who yelled at me during sex and cheated), and this.. This feels different. I really want to make it work, because I do still believe him. But yeah, I probably won't be comfortable doing anything intimate for a while, and I need time to rebuild my trust. So I really appreciate your advice.
Thanks for this, it’s great advice. I’m not sure if I’m ready to get back in the dating game yet though. I guess I just have to work through getting the right mindset to move on properly.
Uhhhh all your post does is further prove that my fiancée should be more responsible with his money if a $1.5 million dollar home is what he wants…… which he isn’t.
I’ve already thought about everything you posted. My game plan for when we buys his dream home is to have the basement ready to rent out if something happens to him or his business so that we can at very least make our mortgage payments.
Of course I’m “all for it” when he spend the past 5 years deceiving, me telling me that he’s financially responsible and can afford this lifestyle… I’ve only recently found out that he cannot and wasn’t being honest. Otherwise I would’ve been happy to settle down in a mediocre house/ condo. I grew up in a 2 million dollar home and I actually prefer smaller “homey” type houses myself.
Sorry but you come off as pretty pretentious just cuz you own a couple of properties, you literally just overlooked everything I said. I find it funny that my fiancé gets labeled as a “nice man” when I’ve clearly stated the deceit and you know nothing else about him.
Your focus is still on your cheating ex when you should be focusing on you. I know it hurts but you literally have so many years of excitement ahead of you. Get out there and focus on the future instead of the past!