after a while, sex drive dies down in a long term relationship. worsening depression also will kill libido. if it's his depression, and it hasn't improved, tell him to get professional help. usually you'll be able to tell that it's not you, since he'll likely be more tired than normal, agitated, or uninterested in other things he might used to be interested in. that tells you right there that you are not the problem, his depression is.
if it's just him slowing down from being comfortable in the relationship, you might have to take care of your own needs if you really want to stay with him. you can probably figure out which of the two it is by thinking back to when this problem started.
did it start when the depression started, all at once? or did it gradually slow down over time?
He is either banging the 20 year old or is appreciative of the attention and validation he is getting from her when she is (presumably) praising, thanking and complimenting him for his helpfulness and usefulness.
There is a reason the “damsel in distress” trope dynamic is a thing-be it right or wrong-it exists
Men want to feel needed and wanted and like a “provider”.
So if he isn’t banging her, this is likely the root of his motivation to keep tending to “the house”.
I’d have a honest discussion with him to understand how he feels when he can help her to see if this is true and explore why getting this validation is so important-is he not getting it at home? Is this a mid life crisis and he feels less needed at home? Does he feel under appreciated at home and doesn’t even realize it and is subconsciously seeking it out through her?
After you get to the root, express your boundaries and ask that he honor them and do the work toward either: 1) supporting him in resolving the underlying drive or 2) becoming more aware of his love language if he is feeling under appreciated at home
Husband and I have separate accounts, and I bring home a little more than him, but he covers the family health insurance. Right now, we split bills about 60/40, so on his pay days, he sends me a set amount of money for the bills that come out of my account (rent, Internet, phones, groceries), and then he covers the Electric/Gas bill out of his own account.
I also pay for most of our daughter’s expenses, and we take turns for date nights.
It’s worked for us for the 16 or so years we’ve had combined bills, and we almost never fight over money, because we both have autonomy, and we can’t complain about what the other spends, as long as the bills are paid!
You’re not wrong in how you feel. I’ve been there, I felt stuck and like I was waiting for people around me to move so that I could finally get where I wanted to be – to live the life that I wanted. It’s freaking naked. But you need to move – you need to make things happen for you! If you want a house – figure out a way you can get it on your own. Do you want to be a homeowner? Buy something small and upgrade later.
This guy’s excuse sounds stupid and honestly I’m worried he’s leading you on. Once this issue isn’t a concern then something else will become one, etc. etc. – it’s often a vicious cycle and …. timing is NEVER perfect, there will always be a million reasons why not to do something …none of it matters if you truly want something.
I watch movies, but I would never want be be married to an actress. I vote for politicians, but I would never want to be married to one. I can think of many more professions in which this is true.
![](/cs/camsoda2500.jpg")
after a while, sex drive dies down in a long term relationship. worsening depression also will kill libido. if it's his depression, and it hasn't improved, tell him to get professional help. usually you'll be able to tell that it's not you, since he'll likely be more tired than normal, agitated, or uninterested in other things he might used to be interested in. that tells you right there that you are not the problem, his depression is.
if it's just him slowing down from being comfortable in the relationship, you might have to take care of your own needs if you really want to stay with him. you can probably figure out which of the two it is by thinking back to when this problem started.
did it start when the depression started, all at once? or did it gradually slow down over time?
This is Reddit. No one here can communicate properly, otherwise they wouldn't be here.
Since you are less imporpant to her then singer she has never even met I would reconsider (not) being in relationship with your gf.
Could you emphasize mental health and exercise in that context along with other things to improve his mental health?
Good luck dude!
I'm embarrassed because I'm anxious about being seen with him.
He is either banging the 20 year old or is appreciative of the attention and validation he is getting from her when she is (presumably) praising, thanking and complimenting him for his helpfulness and usefulness.
There is a reason the “damsel in distress” trope dynamic is a thing-be it right or wrong-it exists
Men want to feel needed and wanted and like a “provider”.
So if he isn’t banging her, this is likely the root of his motivation to keep tending to “the house”.
I’d have a honest discussion with him to understand how he feels when he can help her to see if this is true and explore why getting this validation is so important-is he not getting it at home? Is this a mid life crisis and he feels less needed at home? Does he feel under appreciated at home and doesn’t even realize it and is subconsciously seeking it out through her?
After you get to the root, express your boundaries and ask that he honor them and do the work toward either: 1) supporting him in resolving the underlying drive or 2) becoming more aware of his love language if he is feeling under appreciated at home
Husband and I have separate accounts, and I bring home a little more than him, but he covers the family health insurance. Right now, we split bills about 60/40, so on his pay days, he sends me a set amount of money for the bills that come out of my account (rent, Internet, phones, groceries), and then he covers the Electric/Gas bill out of his own account.
I also pay for most of our daughter’s expenses, and we take turns for date nights.
It’s worked for us for the 16 or so years we’ve had combined bills, and we almost never fight over money, because we both have autonomy, and we can’t complain about what the other spends, as long as the bills are paid!
I’ll echo what others have said.
You’re not wrong in how you feel. I’ve been there, I felt stuck and like I was waiting for people around me to move so that I could finally get where I wanted to be – to live the life that I wanted. It’s freaking naked. But you need to move – you need to make things happen for you! If you want a house – figure out a way you can get it on your own. Do you want to be a homeowner? Buy something small and upgrade later.
This guy’s excuse sounds stupid and honestly I’m worried he’s leading you on. Once this issue isn’t a concern then something else will become one, etc. etc. – it’s often a vicious cycle and …. timing is NEVER perfect, there will always be a million reasons why not to do something …none of it matters if you truly want something.
You can block porn on your laptop and have him get therapy!
I watch movies, but I would never want be be married to an actress. I vote for politicians, but I would never want to be married to one. I can think of many more professions in which this is true.