Regardless if you think you were groomed or not. If you really were the mature well educated woman you claimed to be, you would have realized the red flag that no wen his age wants to date him and the bigger red flag that he was seeking someone out who's in their early 20s. 20 and 34 is different than 30 and 44. If you were in your 30s when you got together, you probably wouldn't be in this mess. He baby trapped you and all these issues you're seeing now is exactly why so many people do not recommend doing what you did.
Here all the ways your husband is immature and why women in their 30s refused to marry him.
He was grossed out by my body while pregnant
While some people don't think pregnant women in general are the sexiest thing ever, most loving husbands will still see their pregnant partner as beautiful and attractive cuz they are sacrificing thier bodies for several months to bring life into the world. More importantly their child. Real men would treasure their partner for doing that.
The fact that he made sure you were aware he was grossed out by a natural thing shows he's immature, shouldn't be having kids, and isn't worth your time.
and after I had the baby the intimacy, affection and kindness has stopped completely (no sex).
It's normal for sex to decrease when you have a new born but in a healthy relationship, affection and kindness doesn't stop. It's more important than ever cuz babies take a lot of energy out of you and you need that time with your partner to rejuvenate yourself.
I've had post partum depression where instead of supporting i was told im a bad and unstable mother
This is the opposite of what any loving partner would do to someone who has depression. So to recap so far, you sacrificed your body for several months, went through the pain of child birth, got post partum depression and your husband just emotionally beats you down and then metaphorically kicks the mother of his child while she's on the ground. See how fucked up that is?
We've had countless conversations about just making me a priority and showing me some love but I get nothing
So he doesn't care about your concerns, emotions, or mental health.
. I gave up not too long ago and have been trying to make it through each day as best I can, making sure my child is cared for and loved and my husband has everything he needs too.
So you keep pouring your cup into other people but you have no one to pour their cup into yours. You're gonna be depleted when he runs you dry. stop caring for 2 babies and take care of your infant who needs you.
I haven't had a good night of sleep for 7 months.
Please do your research on how important sleep is. Your body needs sleep to function properly. People have died from lack of proper sleep. When you sleep, your body actually works very hot to rejuvenate you and let your brain rest. When your brain is overworked and isn't able to rest its basically like a machine that's overheated and when it's not allowed to cool down, it breaks. But in this case, when your brain breaks, you die. Scientists did studies on lack of sleep were people were forced to stay awake for days. They literally went crazy and died because they couldn't sleep.
We sleep separately as he works and the baby's night waking would be an issue for him to get back to sleep.
He's in his 30s. He knows damn well that parents don't get to sleep well when they have a newborn. He shouldn't have helped you get pregnant if he wasn't willing to face the responsibility of parenting. If he doesn't care about you getting sleep, why are you caring about his sleep? If you, the person who sounds like are doing all the parenting work don't get enough sleep, how can you guarantee your baby will be safe? Parents have killed their babies in sleep deprived rages. You're also more likely to cause an accident that could harm or kill your baby. Imagine you're tired and sleep deprived and then while carrying your baby down the stairs and you trip cuz your tired brain didn't focus properly and you drop the baby down the stairs.
Today he asked me why I looked annoyed all day but I just wasn't happy and overjoyed for my birthday. No one really did anything, my husband promised to take me to the beach but in the morning decided the drive was too long
He knows why you're annoyed. He's not stupid. Plus he breaks his promises. So he has not sense of honor and his word is shit. And he's too lazy to drive you to the beach on your birthday.
He always tells me he's tired and busy,
So are you! So why does he make you suffer?
but after working 40-60 hours a week he will have at least 2 events to catch up with his friends when he has time off.
He's telling you that you don't mean shit to him! He's telling you that his friends mean more to him than you and his baby. Why do you think this man is a great father and husband?
I've been studying since I had the baby and while I have some help, it isn't easy and I feel really underappreciated (he had also said im not a good mother for studying with a baby but it increases my earning capacity exponentially when i return to work and his mother helps with the baby a few days a week
Sounds like he doesn't want you to make more money for the family and he wants you to just be a stay at home mom. This isn't something he can decide for you. And he also pawns his parenting responsibilities onto his mom.
) I was made to feel like I was asking for a lot (on dates or when he wants to spend time with me he will be on his phone chatting to friends or scrolling, not hearing a word I say when I try making conversation) and essentially after some arguing and a breakdown he told me I put in no effort and I'm fat now and my self esteem is ruining this relationship.
You were asking for the bare minimum and he couldn't even be bothered. And yet again, another example of him putting his friends before you. And now he's insulting you (calling you fat) and he's the one who ruined the relationship. Fix your self esteem so you can see he's not worth your time and leave him.
You literally don't mention any reason you should stay with this guy. He's immature, doesn't on-line you or the kids, doesn't wanna be a parent, insults you, you say it yourself that he's unkind. Are you finally gonna wake up or are you gonna allow him to treat you this way for many more years to come.
what would you tell your child if they come to you and tell you their spouse is doing the same things your husband is doing?
What age do you have to be to not be bothered by your partner lying and keeping secrets? My grandparents are in their 90s and would be bothered by that, so you must be pretty old
No shit Sherlock. I also said I did everything I could to facilitate their relationship. Like you've no idea the lengths I went to to ensure they had a relationship. Even we he was too busy with his extras to bother. Me having feelings doesn't mean I'm a bad mother. I hope you never have to understand that pain and deal with something that might shatter your seemingly perfect view of yourself hey.
Your partner is being insensitive. And, there are things that you can do for yourself to help you feel better.
If he starts scrolling TikTok, leave the room. If he asks why you keep leaving the room, be honest. Tell him you don't want to control him but that the scrolling makes you uncomfortable, so you're removing yourself.
Sounds like you're self conscious about your post-baby weight. That's also something that you can put some energy towards. Not that you have to lose it or work out all the time, but just moving your body a bit can be enough to change how you feel about yourself. Go for a walk, do 10 minutes of yoga, anything that involves a bit of movement with the intention of caring for your body.
Your body is yours, and it's done some wonderful things for you. No need to steal the joy you can take in yourself, by comparing you to others ❤️
Dont push for more of her time. Send texts of affirmation about her being in your life, acknowledging how nude she is working etc.
Regardless if you think you were groomed or not. If you really were the mature well educated woman you claimed to be, you would have realized the red flag that no wen his age wants to date him and the bigger red flag that he was seeking someone out who's in their early 20s. 20 and 34 is different than 30 and 44. If you were in your 30s when you got together, you probably wouldn't be in this mess. He baby trapped you and all these issues you're seeing now is exactly why so many people do not recommend doing what you did.
Here all the ways your husband is immature and why women in their 30s refused to marry him.
He was grossed out by my body while pregnant
While some people don't think pregnant women in general are the sexiest thing ever, most loving husbands will still see their pregnant partner as beautiful and attractive cuz they are sacrificing thier bodies for several months to bring life into the world. More importantly their child. Real men would treasure their partner for doing that.
The fact that he made sure you were aware he was grossed out by a natural thing shows he's immature, shouldn't be having kids, and isn't worth your time.
and after I had the baby the intimacy, affection and kindness has stopped completely (no sex).
It's normal for sex to decrease when you have a new born but in a healthy relationship, affection and kindness doesn't stop. It's more important than ever cuz babies take a lot of energy out of you and you need that time with your partner to rejuvenate yourself.
I've had post partum depression where instead of supporting i was told im a bad and unstable mother
This is the opposite of what any loving partner would do to someone who has depression. So to recap so far, you sacrificed your body for several months, went through the pain of child birth, got post partum depression and your husband just emotionally beats you down and then metaphorically kicks the mother of his child while she's on the ground. See how fucked up that is?
We've had countless conversations about just making me a priority and showing me some love but I get nothing
So he doesn't care about your concerns, emotions, or mental health.
. I gave up not too long ago and have been trying to make it through each day as best I can, making sure my child is cared for and loved and my husband has everything he needs too.
So you keep pouring your cup into other people but you have no one to pour their cup into yours. You're gonna be depleted when he runs you dry. stop caring for 2 babies and take care of your infant who needs you.
I haven't had a good night of sleep for 7 months.
Please do your research on how important sleep is. Your body needs sleep to function properly. People have died from lack of proper sleep. When you sleep, your body actually works very hot to rejuvenate you and let your brain rest. When your brain is overworked and isn't able to rest its basically like a machine that's overheated and when it's not allowed to cool down, it breaks. But in this case, when your brain breaks, you die. Scientists did studies on lack of sleep were people were forced to stay awake for days. They literally went crazy and died because they couldn't sleep.
We sleep separately as he works and the baby's night waking would be an issue for him to get back to sleep.
He's in his 30s. He knows damn well that parents don't get to sleep well when they have a newborn. He shouldn't have helped you get pregnant if he wasn't willing to face the responsibility of parenting. If he doesn't care about you getting sleep, why are you caring about his sleep? If you, the person who sounds like are doing all the parenting work don't get enough sleep, how can you guarantee your baby will be safe? Parents have killed their babies in sleep deprived rages. You're also more likely to cause an accident that could harm or kill your baby. Imagine you're tired and sleep deprived and then while carrying your baby down the stairs and you trip cuz your tired brain didn't focus properly and you drop the baby down the stairs.
Today he asked me why I looked annoyed all day but I just wasn't happy and overjoyed for my birthday. No one really did anything, my husband promised to take me to the beach but in the morning decided the drive was too long
He knows why you're annoyed. He's not stupid. Plus he breaks his promises. So he has not sense of honor and his word is shit. And he's too lazy to drive you to the beach on your birthday.
He always tells me he's tired and busy,
So are you! So why does he make you suffer?
but after working 40-60 hours a week he will have at least 2 events to catch up with his friends when he has time off.
He's telling you that you don't mean shit to him! He's telling you that his friends mean more to him than you and his baby. Why do you think this man is a great father and husband?
I've been studying since I had the baby and while I have some help, it isn't easy and I feel really underappreciated (he had also said im not a good mother for studying with a baby but it increases my earning capacity exponentially when i return to work and his mother helps with the baby a few days a week
Sounds like he doesn't want you to make more money for the family and he wants you to just be a stay at home mom. This isn't something he can decide for you. And he also pawns his parenting responsibilities onto his mom.
) I was made to feel like I was asking for a lot (on dates or when he wants to spend time with me he will be on his phone chatting to friends or scrolling, not hearing a word I say when I try making conversation) and essentially after some arguing and a breakdown he told me I put in no effort and I'm fat now and my self esteem is ruining this relationship.
You were asking for the bare minimum and he couldn't even be bothered. And yet again, another example of him putting his friends before you. And now he's insulting you (calling you fat) and he's the one who ruined the relationship. Fix your self esteem so you can see he's not worth your time and leave him.
You literally don't mention any reason you should stay with this guy. He's immature, doesn't on-line you or the kids, doesn't wanna be a parent, insults you, you say it yourself that he's unkind. Are you finally gonna wake up or are you gonna allow him to treat you this way for many more years to come.
what would you tell your child if they come to you and tell you their spouse is doing the same things your husband is doing?
What age do you have to be to not be bothered by your partner lying and keeping secrets? My grandparents are in their 90s and would be bothered by that, so you must be pretty old
No shit Sherlock. I also said I did everything I could to facilitate their relationship. Like you've no idea the lengths I went to to ensure they had a relationship. Even we he was too busy with his extras to bother. Me having feelings doesn't mean I'm a bad mother. I hope you never have to understand that pain and deal with something that might shatter your seemingly perfect view of yourself hey.
Your partner is being insensitive. And, there are things that you can do for yourself to help you feel better.
If he starts scrolling TikTok, leave the room. If he asks why you keep leaving the room, be honest. Tell him you don't want to control him but that the scrolling makes you uncomfortable, so you're removing yourself.
Sounds like you're self conscious about your post-baby weight. That's also something that you can put some energy towards. Not that you have to lose it or work out all the time, but just moving your body a bit can be enough to change how you feel about yourself. Go for a walk, do 10 minutes of yoga, anything that involves a bit of movement with the intention of caring for your body.
Your body is yours, and it's done some wonderful things for you. No need to steal the joy you can take in yourself, by comparing you to others ❤️
Why don’t you want to lose him? He’s a bully. 5 mo relationship?? Cut your losses and dry your eyes
So you are ok with it?
Get mental help asap — rape is a very serious thing and no one would blame you if you can’t come back from that.