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1. No, it is not normal or healthy to have cycles of love bombing and abuse in a relationship. That's what's happening. He is literally messing with your cognitive function, keeping you off balance, making you believe you must be crazy to be unhappy with him.

   My ex did what your husband is doing. My current partner has not once, NOT ONCE, insulted me. He has not once been rude or unkind to me. He has never been cruel. If he has something he needs to address with me, he does it with respect and understanding. If I screw up, he has compassion, because he remembers that he's not perfect either. He would rather the two of us manage an issue together, as a team, than dominate and control me. He does not believe it is his job to manage what my body looks like. He loves me, and my body, even though I am middle aged and chonky and have a pooch and saggy boobs. I have NEVER felt unsafe nor insecure in his presence. This is because he is a genuinely kind, loving, accepting, caring person.

   I don't know if it was your history, or just the jackass of a man you married, but somewhere along the line, someone persuaded you that you are not worth respect and genuine, consistent love. And that's a tragedy.

   You are smarter, stronger, more competent, and more beautiful than this man wants you to believe. He needs you to think poorly of yourself so that he can continue to use you as an emotional punching bag. I hope for the sake of your children that you will wake up and get yourself free from this. You deserve better. So do they. And he doesn't deserve you at all.

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