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Well now, if she can't take care of kids he should find in the court for sole custody. As for the ex-wife herself. I will be heartless, but unless he can promise to literally leave her on the street rather than let her in his house then you should leave him. He can take kids in, just not her. Should he agree, but not comply you should leave the firs timet you get wind of it. I mean leave, leave no negotiation or further contact (and tell him that's what is going to happen).
The following is just a wild idea:
To make things easier you can ask him to move to where you live!. If anything it will make their contact harder. I am sure it is inconvenient for him, but it is him begging you stay where it's clearly time for you to leave him. Of course this does not mean he should leave with you while giving them his house to leave in meanwhile. IF he leaves he sells it or rents it (not to her).
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Its a little more complicated than that but I am a bit too depressed to type a 2000 word essay rn. I thought i’d truncate and suck up the flagellation as part of my self-punishment.
OP, I wore the hijab for most of my adult life until recently. 18 years of covering my hair, dressing in unflattering, shapeless clothes, the only makeup I wore was a little eyeliner. No perfumes, no jewelry. That’s almost as modest as you could get. And get this…GUYS STILL HIT ON ME. I’m not even that pretty! But if a guy wants to pay attention to you, they will no matter how you dress. This is not about what you wear. What is he going to demand next, you only go out with him so everyone knows you’re his property? This is the beginning of extremely controlling behavior and you need to know that no matter what you change, there will always be something else
I, like a dickhead, say “our Car” when she says “my car”
He corrects her to “our car”.
I wouldn't say it's “our drill” because I know nothing about this drill. I didn't buy it, don't maintain it, and wouldn't use it without asking him. The only reason to call it “our drill/our car” is to make some type of point about it.
He says something about how he spends more than her in other things. As it was going to the joint expenses then it may be 50/50