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Hiyori ~, y.o.
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Date: January 3, 2023
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Talk about self sabotage bro jeez, Have some confidence my man!!!
Nah, OP wanted his relationship to end, but didn't have the balls to end it. He's seen an opportunity and he's taken it.
Wait so what did he text her back?
We got married young as well, and I was my husband’s first relationship (he was basically mine, but I dated a lot in high school. We were both virgins when we got married).
There are books I’d suggest, though we may be of different religions, and I don’t want to offend.
The other source/thought I’d start with is the research indicating which marriages last and are happy: even though you are newlyweds, this info makes a big difference.
But from me (married mostly very happily for 37 years) to you, here’s some of the most important skills (and they are learned skills: if not, every marriage would always be perfectly happy):
Focus on the positive: as you have done so well already: make a list of what you like and love about your husband.
Compliment him, genuinely, every day. For me, I deliberately say thank you every day for something I appreciate (it can be taking out the trash, or listening when I was sad, or grabbing the lube at a crucial moment) and/or compliment him (you look awesome, your presentation at work sounds great, you were such a sweet/wise/good dad right then).
Learn how to fight/resolve conflict. There are tons of resources, but in general: the goal is to grow your relationship; listen and repeat back to him what his problem is – and he does the same for you: so you come to understand each other’s perspectives; keep to the problem at hand (don’t introduce the unresolved arguments from last week or whenever); take a break if your emotions are sabotaging the goal; find a resolution that works for you both (compromise). If impossible, keep talking with love and strengthening your marriage the goal.
There are other habits and skills you can definitely develop to have a happy marriage, but I’m afraid to go on cause then I’ll probably forget crucial ones! And I don’t want to neglect this:
Realistically, even the best of marriages will go through difficult or unhappy times. The goal is to build a happy & healthy foundation, with skills to get you through. Because there will be times you don’t have the strength or desire to use those skills. And yet, commitment, remembering the positive, even a grudging positive comment on the worst day, can help you through: and you find those desperately bad times were temporary, just as the highest moments can be brief.
For us, there was a two year period that I stayed because I knew it was best for the kids and him. That was about 22 years ago. Now, we’re both adjusting to a new life phase and it’s not easy for us. But we enjoy each day together, are best friends, still enjoy sex, laugh every day: while negotiating empty nest life with some resentment and unfulfilled promises: major issues: to work through.
It is easy, a lot of the time, if you learn the skills needed. It’s a joy, even more of the time. But you already have all the ingredients needed! Best wishes to you ?
Yeah he is to be fair, it’s his work and there has been a loss in the family at the start of the year. But the work stress has been going on longer and the way he acts because of it is not always nice for me
You're here making assumptions. You need to talk about it. If you're adamant about leaving the city, then state as much. As a father, I'd certainly argue the benefits of living near family, but it logically means nothing if you're miserable. Talk to your fiance. Good luck.