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Date: September 23, 2022

12 thoughts on “IamAnna

  1. Thank you for the advice, I have tried talking to people I’m close to but no one has ever been through this that I know of and they have a hard time saying anything other than “I’m sorry” which is valuable but it’s… hard to explain. Thank you for the advice

  2. You sound a little confused, and I think it is the girlfriend who is deliberately doing the confusing. I would suggest Therapy for yourself to begin with. Your person needs therapy, but very likely would be unwilling to engage, or might once again as you mentioned; twist things against you. But please get some for yourself to deal with the trauma they are inflicting on you

  3. gross. you were a 26 year old who was befriending an 18 year old just to get them as a girlfriend.

    sorry, you dropped this pile of red flags. you might want to pick them up.

  4. Maybe you’re right, and she has no problem with you scrolling through three months of her private conversations with her friends and then confronting her about a throwaway comment. But let’s not forget that up until recently, you didn’t know that she gets tired of having to cook for you every day, of being the only one responsible for birth control, of responding to all your texts and calls, and of not having any time or space to herself. You might want to consider that maybe you’re not the best judge of what she has a problem with.

  5. Thanks, the trauma from the diagnosis was a factor as well. Well.. I don't think we're at a point where I can suggest couples therapy, I suggested it when she asked for a divorce, and she refused. Seems like she just has to have this relationship play out, which I told her I'll keep hitting on you until you tell me to stop. I get it, a bit aggressive. Just hot to watch, she'll either commit to not be lonely, and it lasts years, or it starts and dies spectacularly within a few months, once reality sets in that this dude probably isn't perfect either, and has no idea what he's taking on with a dying child and an involved father…among other things

  6. I see four possibilities:

    He has a dislike of non-sexual physical intimacy. That's actually quite common. Many people tolerate kissing and such until they establish their marriage, to keep the spouse happy, but leave it behind as soon as they can. Even hugging or holding hands can almost claustrophobic to them. He was always an “aromantic”, and got burned out on faking romantic feelings to keep you happy (so he is a close friend, but not the same thing as you). He loves having sex, but kissing and similar is off his radar. That condition has no treatment or cure. Some people are sexually attracted to one gender, while they are romantically attracted to another. The classic example I always give is singer Freddie Mercury. He was romantically in love with Mary Austin, but his sexual attraction was only to men. He and Mary remained dear friends to the day he died, but they weren't able to stay as a physical couple due to Freddie's sexuality (“mixed signals”), and he probably never loved any man romantically to the level that he loved her. There is a condition that a specialized therapist could look for: “demiromantic”. A similar well-known condition is called “demisexual”. It's where a person can only feel sexual attraction towards a person of high confidence, and has the horrible caveat that once the connection breaks (e.g., due to an argument), the attraction never comes back. It's a true dead end. In your case, it may be a similar situation, but with romance. If he lost that connection, and if it really turns out that he is “demiromantic”, it isn't coming back.

    To find out, your husband would need to be willing to have an analysis with a psychotherapist or similar, specifically one who specializes in the variations of asexuality and aromanticism. He would need to be open and unashamed to share what he really feels.

    Best of luck! Regardless of what ends up being the scenario, never feel ashamed to prioritize your needs! In my own case, my wife turned out to be asexual, so I'm turned down 100% of the times that I want to initiate, and I have to instead wait for the rare time (it can be weeks) when she has a hint of libido.

  7. Yeah that was not at all the implication or the way he took it. He's mad because it's 'a place for women and he's a big manly man'.

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