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Date: October 6, 2022
Don't tell reddit about it man. Identify your problems and the things that trigger shitty behavior. You already have an understanding it sounds like. Change them. Then do better. It's not enough to just change you need to make up for what happened. Be prepared to not be accepted anyway. I had shitty behavior and a girl I loved left me and she wouldn't come back after I worked on myself because of what I put her through. That's fine. You aren't changing for her first you're changing for you first. Then you can try to start over. Have willpower and self discipline. Good luck.
I'll try… i'm a extrem overthinker ?
This is like when people turn the conversation back towards you to detract from themselves- “You would ONLY bring that up if you didn’t trust me!”- or “see I KNEW you would react like that- that’s why I didn’t tell you. I told you it’s nothing but you always act crazy.”
It IS gaslighting. You didn’t do anything wrong but notice a fucked up objects in the back/foreground of a photo. You didn’t TAKE the photo- you didn’t SEND the photo.
I dated a guy once that loves to use the line “that’s just you having a guilty conscience, that’s why you think that way-“ or my personal favorite, “well I’m not like you, cause I wouldn’t think that way- so obviously if you thought that- that’s something you would do”….
Actually, no it’s not. Lol. But the whole truth is generally appreciated when it comes to situations that involve friendly get-aways with people who have sampled your? or your ?- yanno? Lol.
And I don’t feel like it’s asking too much to expect that level of honesty- or to give that much either.
Ok well then it's alcohol that is the problem? Or if she was skinny and it didn't make her gain, would OP care? Which is it, the weight or the alcohol? Cus getting someone to cut down on drinking by complaining about their weight and gym time would be really freaking stupid.
Look at what you’ve written. Imagine your daughter asked you what to do, and do that.
That's assuming they are swingers. It's not stated if the husband knew his wife was saying/offering things like this.
Ah yes. I forgot in this snowflake crybaby generation, asking your partner for ANY boundaries is now considered “controlling”. Everyone's a crybaby nowadays. Everyone wants to be free to do whatever they want while in a relationship. Like okay, good luck with that.
If you cannot compromise, stay single kids.
So the first few days of the trip bil had a buddy show up with no SO and you were there without your husband and this is the trip that you had a better time on? Hmm…
This sounds awful. Why are you staying?
Would your family refuse to “maintain relationships” with you if you moved in with this new partner? (They are allowed, even though I think that would suck.)
And, lots of relationships fail. People end marriages after DECADES. Having lived with two people is FINE.
You are an adult. At some point you will have to decide if it is more important to you to not upset your parents, or if you want to online your life.
I got a skin rash when visiting my brother in Prague. I had to remove all my rings – including my engagement ring. I wore it as a necklace.
I told my now husband as soon as I got the rash and what I planned.
Try talking to her about it.
Difficulty regulating emotions and getting easily overwhelmed are symptoms of being on the spectrum even for those of us considered high functioning.
Does he get the same way when something you do bothers him or does he only get tongue tied when he feels like he's upset you?
Grief is naked. I lost my dad 8 years ago to cancer. I was in the army, stationed 10 hours away, and it took him fast. He went from completely healthy to in the ground in 4 months. The first two months after he passed were the worst, but it slowly got easier from there. I still miss the hell out of my dad, but I can think of him with more fondness than sadness nowadays. Grief isn't linear, and it has no timeline. You'll recover at your own pace, and that's perfectly okay.
I had two huge things that helped me heal. First, I'm a huge animal lover and had no pets at the time, so I got a cat. She was cute, fluffy, and sassy, but having something to look after gave me motivation to take care of myself a little better.
The second thing was me sending my dad a message on Facebook about two years after he died. I struggled HARD for a long time with guilt. I felt really intense guilt because I felt like I failed him by not spending more time with him before he passed. I felt like a bad daughter, and like I wasted away my opportunity to squeeze out even a few more seconds with him. I sent him that message apologizing for everything and told him how much I loved him and missed him, all of that. It helped me SO much. It was like a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders. Even though it was just a message, I felt like I had said it to him directly. I felt like I was finally able to start to heal and let go.
Don't be afraid to lean on your family and friends. Visit her grave often. Talk about her to people you know. I know you feel like you're drowning in sadness right now, but it'll get better, I promise.
Therapy and empathy.
But if there’s a lot of resentment, to me, that means you’ve still got a lot that you’re holding on to and that needs to go somewhere. Have you talked about your feelings with your partner? Neither of you can pretend that nothing happened. That’s not going to fix anything because the hurt is still there. You’re going to continue to feel resentment until you both take accountability for what’s happened, agree to what you want in a relationship and come up with a solution.
However, not being toxic sometimes also means recognizing that this person isn’t good for you and that you need to move on. It sounds like a lot of trust has been lost. I personally would move on and start anew elsewhere. Sometimes the resentment doesn’t go away. Sometimes it’s too late to fix things.
Think things through and trust your gut. Don’t feel bad because he’s trying now. You have to make a decisions that change your life for the better. You’re the only one that can take care of you. You’re the only one looking out for yourself.
Not worth staying, there is no compromise on this, the sooner you call it a day, the better. There are lots of people that don’t want kids, please don’t stay with someone that does.
Can I ask what part is abusive? I know that she was selfish, but I dont know if the line was crossed for it to become abuse
DO NOT CONTACT HIM!
Just leave him be. You tormented him enough because of your own bullshit. You emotionally abused him, tried isolating and manipulating him just because you couldn't handle him having others in his life. He deserves better than you being back in his life.
And, you need to continue therapy.
He automatically went on the defence to your innocent question. That says everything there.
Woah, why u living together soo soon? So what happens if u do get pregnant, bc thats always a possibility if ur having sex. Is he gonna accuse u of baby trapping him? Which is ridiculous bc that rarely works. Soo many dads not in their kids lives or with the mom.
my previous relationship I let my ex disrespect me
Ah, makes sense, you're exactly the kind of person who would get into a relationship with a guy twice your age and take 5 years and a kid to realize that he's manipulating you