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  1. Hello /u/Strict-Schedule-3829,

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  2. Yeah but cheaters always say “it was a mistake.” They’re trying to minimize their guilt.

    You don’t fall down and get another man’s dick in your vagina. They also don’t care how much they hurt you.

  3. This may not be the best advice, but this is what I would do…..

    I'd text her one last time. Explain that you are concerned and that you want to make sure she's ok (not making it sound as dramatic as I just made it). That you care about her and that if she wants to talk/whatever you'll be there. I'd also mention that you don't want to bother her, so you won't reach out anymore unless she initiates first (obviously stated nicer than that).

    In my mind, if she's talking to everyone but me, I'd be wondering what (if anything) I did wrong. I'd make one last attempt, and then if I got nothing back, cut my losses. I have severe mental health issues as well, and even during bad episodes, you still need to communicate with people.

    I don't know if that's exactly the best advice/thing to do but that's how I'd handle it.

  4. Studies show that people who move in together after marriage have a lower divorce rate. Although it might just be attributed to religious people saving themselves for marriage and not wanting to get divorced due to religious reasons.

  5. She lies. She is using you. Who knows why. Clean break and go. You will not always feel like this and will one day be fine without this weirdo woman in it.

  6. I appreciate your reply, but I am well aware of that (I'm in a predominantly female department, and I never take their friendliness as them being into me).

    How would you advise moving on, though? I'm not gonna do anything, I just need to get over her.

  7. So I think the choice of either putting up with this or full on divorcing is probably one of the reasons you have put up with this for so long. There is a whole host of choices between those two things, and it is time to start standing up for yourself.

    I will tell you it isn't normal, and even if it is for some people, it doesn't have to be for you. I am pretty open about sex, so is my partner, but anything that can video me would make me uncomfortable, and so would anything that is a distraction- aka I wouldn't read a book during sex, so I wouldn't want someone on their phone either. And again, even if he thinks it is normal or okay, it doesn't mean you have to agree. So stop doing it.

    Step one: Stop having sex when he is using his phone. You can tell him in advance- you being on your phone during oral is something I have put up with but you know it bothers me. I just can't do it anymore, so if you pull your phone out, sex is over for the night.

    Step two: When he pulls out his phone, stop. You don't have to have a fight about it, just stop whatever sex is happening and get ready for bed/get in bed/go back to whatever it was you were doing before sex. You have warned him, you don't need to make a production of it, just have the attitude and approach of -phone is out, sex is over- and act accordingly.

    Step three: Do not fight about this. You do not want him on his phone during sex, you have expressed this, and if he does it anyway, he doesn't want to keep having sex. There is not a negotiation to be had, he doesn't need to convince you or make any more points.

    Let me be very clear, sex is about mutual satisfaction, and any and all kinks, positions, locations, accessories need to work for ALL the people involved in sexual situation. If one party doesn't want something, that's it, it is a no go. Sure, people can do certain things they don't enjoy once in awhile for the benefit of their partner, but that is also a choice and shouldn't be about active discomfort, just something you aren't that in to but fine with. And partners who trust and value each other would never want their partner to be in a position to do something they don't enjoy. Your husband is making it clear he doesn't care about your feelings, your desires, or in making you feel good during sex. So stop.

    After you stand up for yourself- and do not argue about whether it is okay to have a phone, it doesn't matter, you don't like it so aren't participating, the end- then you can see if you can stay married. You have stood up for yourself and created a boundary, and then the two of you can decide if the marriage can work. And if he sticks with he deserves 20 minutes of oral while on his phone and it must happen, well then get a divorce.

  8. loving someone unconditionally doesn't mean your partner has the license to become lazy.

    /laughs in dictionary

  9. I don’t think you have too much to worry about. Your boyfriend did not ask you to cancel. When you asked him the loaded question about being with her if you weren’t around, his first answer was to ask why wouldn’t you be around. It sounds like he really wants you in his life. Let that help assuage your insecurity.

    You aren clearly the priority. But it is clear that the friend doesn’t have any regard for you and wants to get you away from him.

    I say tell him the truth. Admit that it was wrong to see what it was about, but it was concerning. But let him know that you how much appreciate that he didn’t cancel on you. Really let him know that. Don’t make him feel like he did anything wrong. Act confident even though you feel insecure. When you have to deal with her face to face, be nice, be gracious, but if she is ever disrespectful to you, handle it in a civil manner.

    One of my husband’s former buddies told him to ditch me on my birthday because he was lonely. My husband (then boyfriend) declined. I thanked him for not ditching me and he said I shouldn’t have to thank him. (After a few years, the guy screwed over my husband on some work.) He made me the priority. I think your man made you his priority. And he sent a message to his friend, too. She learned that she is not the priority. To be fair, she asked him to be a “friend date,” so it’s good that she herself made the distinction.

    Can people of different genders be platonic friends? Sure, sometimes. But sometimes not.

    One last thought: I don’t know what you look like, obviously, so this advice may not apply at all. I found it helpful to better myself to build my confidence. Learn a new skill, or sharpen one you have. Diet and exercise if need be. For me, diet and exercise made me feel a lot more confident.

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