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Date: October 31, 2022
There were many times when work kept me from things I'd rather be doing with my family. It happens. And there can be many legitimate reasons why he wasn't able to move dates. Arrange for a backup date.
So he fooled you once, fooled you twice some time ago, but only now you know the extent of the deceit, and you're trying to decide if you should stick around hope that these old deceits were situational in the aftermath of his breakup, or a fundamental part of his personality.
I know Reddit's usual advice is to burn the ground and salt the earth for lying, but with a child in the mix, it's more nuanced and complicated than a simplistic black/white solution..
My gray area positive resolution of the situation is based on two major assumptions: #1 at the baseball date, did you ask if he was also monogamous or did you assume his return monogamy due to the nature of his question? If “no”, then continue to assumption #2 has BF has exhibited perfect (committed) behaviour since January & the kitten. If #2 is yes, I would advise you to extend trust but verify, and get both of you into couples counselling to work through this sudden disclosure under professional guidance.
If the answer to assumption #1 is yes, he professed return monogamy (ie lied), or the answer to #2 is no he's been sniffing around other women, then don't stick around long enough for him to fool you thrice. Good luck.
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They’ve already told you they’re not interested in having a third so if you want to keep what you have then say nothing.
I can totally relate! So many victims of abuse don't realize it's abuse. Some think we can love someone enough to make someone better, or save them. But no one can do the emotional labor for another. Those of us with unhealthy role models were not taught how to keep healthy boundaries. What really burns me sometimes, is the fact that my childhood abuse made me succeptable to abuse as an adult. It's incredibly unfair.
It is really controlling to be saying, “you want me to trust you're not cheating? Prove it!” That's not trust. And if someone feels they need to do that and can't compromise, then they can find someone who's okay with that.
He sounds like he will just find something else to fixate his unhappiness on. He should probably talk to someone.
The cheating might have been 10 years ago, but every single day since then she has chosen to lie to you and not tell you. She hasn't been a great partner, she has been a dishonest one.
She works for 30k without using her degree needs a masters to get 80-120k even if she makes 120k the debt wont go away anytime soon. Her degree is in science so not a medical or law degree she just choose poorly. Paid insane amounts for a useless degree. She has no longterm financial goals as op mentioned. This is not someone who planed out their future. She burried her head and pretends all is fine.
Just tell her you want a divorce so she needs to get her shit together.
No I think he means you included. You could have him give back that $150k and still have a down payment for a very nice house and not have to worry about paying his brother back
He’s controlling and systematically isolating you from friends. You need to run like hell.