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JustIn YourMouth, y.o.
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Date: October 31, 2022
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The fallacy is thinking you can “win” if you just keep putting more time in. As in, you've already out so much time in, you might as well put more in and hope it works out, instead of cutting your losses.
Absolutely terrible idea
It could have been unintentional, but combined with the fact that she was simultaneously screaming that he is embarrassed by her, it seems intentional.
You didn't come anywhere near close to “having” her. She is not a cookie (since you seem so obsessed with them) and the first one there gets it. You never had a date, you have no idea if she was remotely interested in you. You only came close to asking her out once and you have no idea how she would have responded.
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I ain't saying she's a gold digger
This is all super helpful. I ended up sharing my posts with my husband (see, solid communication when we aren't mid-blowout haha) and I think your comment made us both a bit more scared but it was also eye-opening.
We're both definitely at fault for our communication issues – I have used similar phrases to your examples when we're in the heat of an issue – but we also both agree that the withdrawing and silence are the absolute biggest issues we're facing.
I think your comment helped open his eyes to the fact that he pretty much controls this. If he can work on it and make baby progress, it'll help us. If he doesn't/can't, it's much more likely we'll end up in a dead relationship eventually.
Start by reading: Not Just Friends by Dr Shirley Glass
She's the recognized expert on coworker friendships. Her work is based on research (not just opinion) of couples that experienced infidelity with “just a friend “.
Lessons learned, what not to do and what not to talk about with an opposite sex friend.
Finally, you'll be able to discuss your concerns intelligently without feeling you're insecure.
Btw: surveys find coworkers are the #1 source of affair partners. Therefore these friendships have to be transparent as well as managed carefully in order to protect the primary relationship.