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Date: October 23, 2022
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“I’m sorry, but I am breaking up with you. I’m not ready to have a relationship right now so I don’t think it is fair to you to keep the relationship going.”
It’s half true and half lie but it also lets them down in an easy way.
You are showing some very concerning signs of being a narcissistic sociopath. You don’t get to decide that you’re the best thing for him. He is his own person with his own feelings. Manipulating situations to try to monopolize a person and manipulate their emotions is terrible. You’re taking away his free will. All because you think you know best and you are the best thing for him. You rationalize things in your head by vilifying his girlfriend who is just a normal person who rightfully doesn’t like you because she can sense there’s something off with you (which is 100% spot on). She is just using her instincts to protect herself and her boyfriend from someone who thinks that it’s normal to pretend to be people and sending messages live! anonymously to harass and destroy relationships just because she thinks she knows best (and of course she -meaning you- think you are the best thing).
It’s unnerving how you think people are going to applaud you. For what? Taking away a man’s right to be with whoever he pleases by destroying his relationships and trying to be his shoulder to cry on with hopes he’ll eventually want you? You’re psychotic, sis. Go to therapy. Distance yourself from him because he is an obsession to you. You need to realize something is wrong with your behavior and you’re trying to control things around you like a puppet and you excuse it because you were bullied in the past. Two wrongs don’t make a right. And you’re damn near choosing the path to being a true stalker. If he knew what you were doing, he wouldn’t want you in his life. You’re withholding that information, destroying his relationships and trying to isolate him so he only has you. You are sick. Get help.
I think he's blowing it up internally and making it into a bigger deal than it is.
My take is that OP is assuming that there would be an emotional/romantic element with the third in the threesome (perhaps he's never had sex with someone without those elements there).
The reality is that in the majority of threesomes, it's a couple + an extra. There's no romantic interest, they're there for fun, and then they go. If she wanted it to be more than that, she'd very likely have elaborated.
He's there thinking she's essentially said “I want to have three people in this relationship” when what she's said is actually “do you fancy trying something new in the bedroom with a prop?”
It's either that or, like a lot of posts here, OP is missing some very key context that will eventually get added to the bottom of the comments section somewhere.
Lawyer up and make the decision that's best for you. Your husband doesn't want to be part of this baby's life anymore.
Dump him.
I left my ex-girlfriend of 6 years a little over a year ago. We loved each other so much, at least at the beginning.
Her mental health challenges became a major factor in our relationship about a year into it: PTSD, depression, anxiety, all as a result of major childhood trauma (her mom has schizophrenia, and without getting into details, really fucked this girl’s childhood up).
Those conditions manifested in days where she couldn’t get out of bed, difficulty holding down jobs, erratic mood swings, anger outbursts, inability to meet social commitments, etc. Our relationship turned from two equal partners into me becoming a caretaker, financial provider, and mental health support provider.
Unfortunately, as much as you can love someone, that dynamic can severely impact the relationship. It is exhausting, and at least in my case, none of my emotional or physical needs were getting met, for years. I was 100% running myself into the ground in order to support a person who just couldn’t be there for me. Compound it with the fact that her mental health challenges often manifested in me getting treated like shit (screamed at, insulted, etc), it just destroyed the foundations of the romantic relationship. By the end, I don’t think either of us could remember what that early love looked or felt like.
I finally had to decide whether I was willing to spend the rest of my life taking care of someone else. I had pushed her to get therapy, treatment, etc but progress was slow to nonexistent. At the end of the day, I just couldn’t do it anymore.
I will always feel a little guilty about leaving her. Part of me feels like I abandoned someone who needed me. But I also realized I couldn’t fix someone else, could only destroy myself trying.
I’m much happier since I left. I met someone else soon thereafter, am with a wonderful woman (a mental health provider, go figure) and in the most healthy, healing, supportive and loving relationship of my life.
I have no idea how my ex is doing, we went no contact at her request after we broke up. I hear from mutual friends she’s doing alright, and I really hope that she’s ok. But that relationship was killing me.
OP, it’s very hot to understand how challenging it is to be with someone who’s mental health is negatively impacting you. I have no idea what your girlfriend’s experience was like, but if it was anything like mine, she is probably relieved at the moment to be only be responsible for herself. Treating your mental health is your responsibility, not hers, and letting your treatment lapse might have affected her in ways you can’t see. All I can really say is I’m sorry you’re both going through this, and I only hope you get your treatment plan back on track and keep it on track for yourself. You can’t be in a mutually beneficial and healthy relationship without taking a proactive approach to your treatment.
Hope this long ass posts helps provide a little view through the looking glass. Best of luck to both of you.
You should definitely make it as clear as possible how uncomfortable she makes you, as well as how bringing up your past love life as “evidence” makes you feel. It seems like she likely is interested in you, and is trying to sway you, but that's still not okay. You can't change someone's sexuality. If she is a good friend, she should stop once she realizes how she's making you feel.
Sidenote, I'm sorry you haven't been in any relationships yet, it sometimes takes a while. Best of luck with boys in the future.