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Date: October 18, 2022
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I've been in, and know plenty of people who have also been in, “monogamous” relationships where the woman hooking up with other women wasn't considered cheating.
That's perfectly fine, if that's what the couple agree.
In hindsight though, and with the benefit of maturity, I also recognise the latent homophobia of being ok with such an arrangement and not considering it an open relationship, because it generally indicates a fetishisation of female sex and relationships and indicates that the parties don't consider female in female sex “real” sex.
It IS a health appointment for your wife. Pregnancy is a medical condition that can lead to babies, yes, but also disability and death.
I think you should sit down with the builder and have a ball buster of a conversation. “As you know, we have cameras on the property. I heard your extremely inappropriate conversation with my husband. Regardless of whether anything he told you is true or not, we are only 30% through this renovation, and I am no longer comfortable working with you. Do you have any suggestions for how to handle the situation?” You may be able to wrangle some discounts or something out of him by putting him on the defensive, especially if he said anything out of line. You can finish off by letting him know that since your husband wants to be a big shot he will be handling the project going forward, but if things get fucked up because you were no longer in a position to manage the renovation properly, you expect to be fully compensated for the error, as you would not feel comfortable having them complete any repairs. (I'd get that in writing!) This should at least clue the builder into being on their A-game for the rest of the renovation.
I'm not sure how you handle finances as a couple, but fuck ups have consequences. In addition to having the responsibility of managing the project solo, I recommend that your husband pay for a larger percentage of the repairs personally. I can't say to what degree, but at least enough to cut into his personal or play money.
Finally, it's a great lesson in the virtue of professionalism for the builder. There's no reason to be talking to married clients about their sex life unless you're in the therapy business.
I would not accept this. Given you've decided to stay, I don't know if this falls on deaf ears, but I would mandate couples' therapy and her taking full responsibility or I walk completely.
Otherwise, if she blames you now, she's just going to blame you next time.
That’s correct. As if suggesting to sleep with you had any level of humor. It’s an attempt, not a joke.
Imagine what marriage will look like to him. Draw the line in the sand now.
Has she changed any of the behaviors that were a problem before?