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KateSummersXX Public Chat Channel
Date: October 3, 2022
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That isn’t even a good comparison tho. A tampon legit needs to be changed. It would be just like if a woman asked to masturbate in your bathroom.
I agree with everything else. It was def a sexual pass. You don’t just say that to ppl who you don’t want at the very least picturing you masturbating.
Excuse me, she's “below” you? She's not “allowed” to do sexual stuff? She's been “messing up” by not meeting some expectations of yours? This is entirely your fault and you should be dating anyone until you can treat them like a fuckign person.
I would put it this way- just because someone is your friend, doesn't mean they never take someone else's side when they feel that their friend is being unreasonable, or at least when they think the other person hasn't done anything wrong. Honestly, friends who 100% back you even when you need to do some self-reflection or realize something you did wrong to have the best outcome for you are not great friends.
I understand that mental health issues can be very hot, but it's not other people's jobs to bend the world around you so that no matter what triggers you, you never come in contact with it. They can and should be sensitive to your issue when they can, but you also have to understand that there are limits on what you can and should ask other people to do to take on some of the responsibility of your mental health.
It doesn't sound like you two were together very long, or that either of you did something morally wrong like cheat, or steal or anything, right? It just didn't work out? Maybe he cited some issues which upset you, like emotional instability, feelings guilted to do the way you want them? But all in all, he wasn't the bad guy there. It's not really fair to decide who other adults can be friends with in a break up when neither person has done anything wrong. If you have been pushing the narrative that he's not allowed to speak to your mutual friend group, and banned him from seeing them for two weeks, that makes you look like the controlling and unfair person here. They can want your friendship, without giving into requests they feel are unfair to others.
I understand panic attacks are frightening, but when you have been trying to force someone out of a friend group by other means, and then after that doesn't work you have a panic attack about their presence, that might come across as manipulative, even if it's not meant to be. It also doesn't change the fact that in their eyes, you're the one in the wrong and so you having a panic attack because they won't expel someone who hasn't really done anything wrong isn't something they can comfort, because they don't agree with you about the thing you're panicking about.
I think you need to get some help, if you haven't already. Talk to a therapist about how to control your emotions in certain social situations, rather than trying to make everyone alter the social situation because you can't control your emotions. I understand if you need space from your friends for a while, but you need to understand this is about how your issues are affecting you, and not the fault of other people.
Trust me, I'm just figuring this out at the same time you are. I honestly just thought my fiance was overreacting, so I posted and I wrote whatever gave me least discomfort. Then, when I started arguing with people, I thought to myself why am I am fighting these people, I shouldn't care about this anymore.
Then it all started coming. We sat together and she helped me through this and finally I started to get it.
Everything your instincts are telling you are right on. Trust yourself. You are not overreacting and you know that he is developing feelings for her. You know because he's doing all these things that are uncharacteristic of him. But you aren't an idiot for trusting him. Hoping for the best doesn't make you stupid.
Him pretending like he doesn't get why bringing her into your home is disrespectful is stupid. He completely understands that he crossed a line. He knew he was crossing it as he was crossing it and did anyway.
But the thing that him inviting her over shows you is that whatever is happening, it is mutual. I love all my co-worker friends but if I was at a work event that ended at 3am (this event ended earlier than that. No work event lasts that long. Especially not one that starts in the afternoon) I am not going or inviting anyone for drinks. I'm going home. Unless, well, there is something more there.
What is he comparing you to? I mean, does he think that porn is real…does he expect the crazy fake moaning?
Saying what he did was mean and cruel.
If you don't want people to call out your uninformed messages and engage in a response why bother saying anything at all? If you have the urge to type something out type it out and don't hit send…..it allows you to get it out without people calling you out on your opinions
Updateme!
I think at this point it sounds like maybe you guys need to see a different therapist if you feel the one you are currently seeing hasn’t made any progress or change the tactic, as well as individual therapy, particularly for her as it seems like she has a lot of insecurities that are coming out in a way that is negatively impacting your relationship. Yes therapy can take a long time and is a lot of work, but after a year you would hope to see some change. Or as much as I hate to say it, maybe it’s time to evaluate if you are both happy/see a future for your marriage. If you don’t see things changing do you want to be where you guys are now in 20 years?
Others have touched on her guilt, insecurities and withdrawal of affection which isn’t fair on you. At this point I’m sure you’re wondering if it’s worth staying together, and that’s only something you can decide. I’m not sure if you have kids etc (in my opinion it’s better for kids to have two happy homes than one miserable one). The best advice I can give is you’re a long time dead, and sometimes love in a relationship isn’t enough, it has to be a two way street where both parties try to be good partners. And I hate the sunk-cost fallacy in a relationship but it’s true, you are only 44, you have a lot of life left to on-line and it’s up to you on how you want to live! it.
This happened with my best friend when he and his husband were first exclusively dating. Turns out the answer wasn’t as ominous as we suspected.
His husband just likes to keep this really clean during his periods of “self-reflection.” They are both meticulously clean and tidy individuals so it made sense.
The only way you’ll ever really know for sure is to ask (unless they are VERY expired).
Literally during sex
Can she sign up for classes now or try an online Spanish program?
Her main issue is speaking, which is made worse by the social anxiety. The thing about those classes and programs is that often, they unfortunately focus on everything but the aspect of actually forming sentences out loud in a foreign language. I learned mostly from talking to randos on language exchange servers, among other methods of comprehensible input. I've showed her a number of ways she can move forward for free, with me holding her hand the whole way, but she just doesn't consistently put in the time. She'll do it here and there, but that's really it.
Are you ever able to talk calmly about your feelings without it escalating into an argument/fight?
I struggle with reacting calmly sometimes, but she's honestly the more explosive and dominant personality. It takes nothing for me to set her off.
A few months later, a few days before our baby turns 6 months, I’m telling my fiancé how proud I am because he was 20 pounds at his 6 month weight check all from my breastmilk. He looks at me, to the baby, back at me, back to the baby. Shrugs and says “maybe it’s just genetic”. I’ll add now that I was always fat even before he met me, it’s not a shocking change that happened and he knew I was fat. My dad died days later. The day before he died, we thought he was going to. So I have fiancé come get the baby so I can be alone with my dad. He does, then texts me 30 minutes later saying I need to come home FROM MY DYING FATHER because he can’t get the baby to sleep. I come home and he’s sat on the bed watching bobs burgers with the baby between his legs facing the tv…. My dad died the next day, again I made him take the baby home and I turned my phone off. I go home after my dads body is taken and my fiancé speaks not a single word to me, knowing my dad just died.
I spiral, I’m sleeping, I can’t eat. He comes home every night and complains about dirty dishes (his. I wasn’t eating.) and any laundry or trash. One day im over it so I clean the house spotless and stay up until 2 am when he gets off work! He comes in, im sooo happy, he says hi and goes to the bathroom. Comes out asking me why there’s a hand towel on the floor? Says not a word about all the cleaning. Only one hand towel. Around this time I notice odd things happening, our toothpaste would end up on top of the toilet tank or be nowhere to be found. Odd but okay. One day he accuses me of never brushing my teeth and admits he’s been loving the toothpaste and hiding it from me to see if I would move it back or ask where it is!!!! No? I just use a different one wtf. And I have beautiful straight white teeth btw no reason to assume I don’t brush besides him never seeing me do it. He worked until 2 am and slept in until 10-12 the next day? Was i supposed to wait to do it together?
I had Covid a year ago and was so horribly sick. I couldn’t stand long enough to walk up the stairs and I was burning up 24/7. He immediately gets in bed one night and starts calling me smelly, seemingly in a joking way. I tried to joke back and said something like “well too bad, I’m not showering learn to love it” as a joke. He suddenly got very serious and said “I will drag you in there and freaking baby wipe you all over myself then”.
Back to the clean freak thing. He will sometimes stop helping around the house at all and admittedly does it to “see how bad” I let it get. He would even open the dishwasher and pull the racks out and leave it that way. I knew what he was doing so I texted and told him to stop, he tried to lie and said he meant to load the dishwasher and got busy so he forgot. I said he’s done it a few times and it feels disrespectful then he admitted he does it because it’ll get me to notice it all.
He’s such a miserable cry baby. He complains all day, always too tired or too something. Never wants to go out or have fun, we have never been on an actual date and haven’t even been to dinner (without kids) or a movie in over 6 years. Any time I mention hey I don’t like this he takes it extreme. I have our youngest clothes organized by drawer, he will just throw stuff anywhere. I told him if you pull open the drawers you’ll know where stuff goes and he was so offended he said I can just do it if I don’t like the way he does. So he won’t touch kids or my laundry now. I, early in our relationship, noticed him following like 5 hard model pages. I went to check the next day and now he was following 12, so I questions it. He unfollowed everyone and deleted his Instagram in a tantrum.
I’ve begged for therapy for years YEARS and he has excuses. Money, time, etc. He finally agreed once maybe 5 years ago but never did it. In feb 2019 we got knew phones so he gave our oldest his old one to play on. I went through it and found texts of him and his family talking bad about me. DAYS after my dad died he told his mother he was doing dishes before work, she asked why he has to, he said if he doesn’t nobody will. She said that’s crap bc he works and I was a stay at home mom, he said he agreed then they started making plans for him and our son to go out to lunch with her alone. One year his family invited him and our son only to Christmas Eve dinner (they HATE me over them not being in the delivery room. That’s it. They swear he had no say at all and he will tell them he didn’t want visitors either) and he said no bc we are a family. Two weeks later they changed their minds so he would come. I said me and son still aren’t going, you can make your choice if you’d rather spend Christmas Eve with them but we won’t. In those texts I found him and his mom are talking bad about me for “keeping his son away” it was Christmas Eve and we have a rule to stay home on Christmas Eve and even told my family no days before! Her texting asking if he’s not allowed to text family when he’s home. His sister was meant to get married the 1 year anniversary of my dads death. They cancelled months before. Fiancé took the day off to be with me for my dads death and his family is pissed he had the day off and they didn’t know. Texts of her asking if I “Makel him stay up with our oldest. Who was a fully breastfed infant and her son never even acknowledged. He did so little to help I even asked about it and he told me the baby has me and I have the baby so he had nobody and was left out!!! His moms an alcoholic and the last time I saw her was 4 years ago, she was drug and screaming in my face while I was pregnant and holding my then 2 year old. He sat silently. Did nothing. Didn’t defend me.
I am fat, as i Said. I struggled with various eating disorders growing up he knows about. He kept making comments about me going to the gym, fasting, etc. one day I said maybe I’ll just start starving myself again and he said… as long as you can still take care of the kids….
As far as our sex life. ? always sucked. I love giving head, but he expects it every time and only reciprocates 3 times a year max and never for any decent amount of time. And I am clean and fresh down there. He won’t use sex toys with me because he “doesn’t know what to do”. Complains about giving me clitoral stimulation during sex. When he does make me cum he stops touching me AS SOON as the orgasm starts so it lasts maybe half a second. He won’t speak during sex, I told him to ASK for head one time and it took him about 8 minutes to be able to say it. He’s silent. Maybe some groans. I’ve asked him to tell me kinks or things that interest him, literally have asked for years, even sent him links to kink lists and NOTHING. He just won’t. Last time we had sex he went flaccid inside me and said I was “too wet”. I had to try not to roll my eyes and laugh in his face. Claims he doesn’t watch porn or masturbate. I don’t even desire sex from him and am bored. It’s been years of shitty selfish 4 minute rounds happening MAYBE 1x a week if I’m lucky.