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Kaya, ♥, 19 y.o.
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Date: November 4, 2022
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He’s not looking out for her he’s looking out for the boyfriend
Thank you so much for your response.
I do try to communicate, usually it ends up in us fighting. I told him specifically what you said, he told me that he lets me do whatever I want and he doesn’t tell me what to do, that’s how he loves me. I told him that we should see how the other person feels loved and do that. He told me that I don’t do that. I asked him what would make him feel loved, and he gave me the example of the woman doing all the cleanings and chores in the house and that would make him feel loved… I told him that’s a very sexist thing to say. He said he doesn’t make me do that because I work too. I asked him if that sexist thing is his mentality, because if it is, it’s terrible and I don’t like it. He said it’s not…
He told me few days ago, that if all he did was work, he would be very satisfied with his life. I believe him because I didn’t push him for years and that’s exactly what happened. Work, eat, sleep, time with his friends, Netflix.
He told me I should be happy that he squeeze me in his schedule so we could have breakfast outside together. I told him we should plan things too, and someone shouldn’t always be squeezed in and should be a priority as well. But he sees squeezing someone in as prioritising that person. But I guess I don’t always want to be squeezed into cracks, that’s how I ended up being neglected for a long time, because I was too flexible and nice.
We did fight a lot over him getting to know my friends. For years he told me that he would meet them but he didn’t try. Then few days ago, he said he won’t like spending time with them. After many arguments he agreed to at least put the effort and have a conversation with them. I told him that I would be fine if he only wants to come out with my friends few times a year but I at least want him to know them. He said ok, but I’m not sure if it’ll happen.
I don’t understand why there is so much resistance when it comes to relationship things.
No, I am not saying this is what I learned from the comments. It's always been my opinion that parents should try to work things out, but if things are too bad then they should get divorced as friendly as possible. It's only been a few months since things went downhill and I tried to make things work. Now it's at the point where I just want to get a divorce. I thought the least I could do was help her get a green card (yes, I now know that will get me in jail and I won't do it) and then she starts talking about moving in with her bf. I'm done with this. So what I've learned from the comments is that I shouldn't do anything that will get me in jail and I should just go through with the divorce.
You gotta love far leftist policies XD
Yeah I can understand that. I too experienced a similar mentality growing up. The “figure it out yourself” sort of thing but at some point everyone needs a little help. This is only if you really want to go through the effort that is salvaging a train wreck. It will definitely be naked, will it be worth it? Very hot to say. If she cant respect simple boundaries especially when in an argument like the physically blocking you bit. She either needs some serious anger management work or you need to let her know of your position. Either something improves or you might need to call it quits
Man, these comments are disgusting and completely disregard your feelings. You are clearly not the problem here. Your mother is. She is clearly very mentally ill and abusive.
You work incredibly very hot for her yet the way she treats you is so bad that you feel suicidal.
I would like to remind you that you owe your mother nothing. She raised you as a child but the way to pay that back is to provide for your children. It's not fair of her to burden you so much. Is there any way you can move her out? There must be some other places in the USA she can afford to live?
I would also consider seeking therapy for yourself. Feeling suicidal, although quite common is not normal and you need help
God wants the wife to be submissive to her husband, but the husband needs to treat her very well, if he is not doing his part, why should her?
Don't belive a word from her. Let her go. Don't take her back. She's not worth any effort from You.
Honestly I wish you the best but if it’s the money at some point do you just want to accept it and open the marriage or what? It’s been four times that you know of. That’s… just a heck of a lot to accept. And I’m usually one of the only people in these subs who thinks people can change and it’s possible for some individuals to forgive and move past cheating!
or she’s a dependa
OP – it’s time to give it up.
Some people said it might be naked for her to be happy for her kids one day in the other posts, but I'm glad it happened sooner rather than later
Would OP feel differently if he has completed top and bottom surgery?
And not just the locker room. Many years ago I went to an NHL training camp intrasquad game. I sat 6-8ish rows behind the bench and it stank there. I don't need to go near the locker room to know how bad it'll be.
How’s that even desperate? I’m telling him what I want and he can do what he decides
Then what is your suggestion?
You’ve been living with her since you were 22… you’ve never lived in your own. You are only happy when she goes on business trips.
Op… you didn’t get to on-line your 20’s. So now you have major regret about missing out on all the things you should of experienced and because she’s codependently clinging to you, this need is driving you further to want this.
Also her not having friends is a HER problem. She dropped everyone by choosing to overly invest in the relationship instead of MAINTAINING friendships while being with you.
She’s also 35, my age. She truly can’t be throwing a tantrum over having no social life. You want a social life? Go create one! Reach out to old friends and see if they want to reconnect. It’s not that hot. Your GF needs to stop playing the victim about her needs not being met. She’s not five starting kindergarten, she’s 35, with enough life experience to establish a social life at this point.
If she can’t? Get a life coach and turn your life around!
And no, it’s manipulative to say she’s becoming introverted. She’s extroverted with a love language of quality time. She wants quality moments, not quantity moments.
My two love languages are act of service and quality time. She needs to read up on her love language and understand how she’s contributing to her own self sabotaging behaviors by not understanding how to properly address her actual needs.
Healthy relationships have equal balance of quality time and space. It falls apart when you spend too much time together and falls apart with too much space. You gotta do it 50/50 so you can have breathing room to function.
Touché, good point
I am so sorry to hear that. Thank you for your advice. It would be great for me to get out now rather than waste years with this guy hoping he will change…
Please still leave!!! I think this is one of those relationships where you just go to the store and never come back because he is dangerous!!
Get into contact with your local Domestic Violence Center and let them know that he has choked you, has a criminal history of domestic violence and you are pregnant. Read the statistics on choking and murder – it's scary and astounding!
You being pregnant DID NOT CHANGE WHO HE IS!!! As a matter of fact, it makes him even more dangerous because he will use that child to torment you further.
Don't worry for now about how to afford a baby. You have choices regarding that. The most important decision now it to leave!!
PLEASE GET OUT and GET OUT NOW!!!!
It sounds Like y'all aren't compatible. You should break up and find some more mature and who listens.
I did once, he was very convincing about regretting it and feeling bad. Then he did it again, never again will I forgive cheating
I have never mentioned about staking your partner or go begins their back. I don’t know where you get all of this from. I’m talking about communicating and reassurance
He's a sexist dude who believes that his only value as a man is to be “needed” (whether it is as a provider or a repair man). That's why he's taking it so personally.
Not at the moment
Let her be mad. She's already taken advantage of your kindness by getting you to take time off of work for something that does not need a babysitter.
Ew. Dump him.
Thanks, I think that is good advice.
The other girl left him because she didn't want to online with his mom either. Be smart like her. Don't waste any more time on him. I'm sure he will be very happy alone with his mom.