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im love “control her”
Date: September 22, 2022
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You shouldn't have to tolerate your parents racism. If they treat you like that just because you're dating someone that's black, it sounds like you have very different values and outlooks on what is important in life.
If you see yourself staying with your gf, you're going to have to tell her. And it's probably going to cause a big rift between you and your parents. But you have to online your own life and choose to be around people that make you happy and share your values. If my parents thought like that and treated me like that, I would probably cut them off completely.
Sounds like she has a violent streak in her. Read you was planning to propose? Sounds like you dodged a bullet there. I agree with you as woman who has been in a dv relationship be done with her. This relationship will not get better and possibly progressively worse. She says she doesn't want to you to stay away from public physical contact even though you've offered her space is not anxiety. Honestly she needs to go to therapy now if she ever wants to have a happy, successful relationship.
Simply put, use “I feel” statements. People can dispute pretty much everything, minus feelings. We don’t control them. Talk about how you felt in that situation/ how you feel currently.
And then just listen. And when I say listen, I don’t just mean paying attention to her speaking. Listen to what she’s communicating, don’t offer advice or criticism. Even if she’s irrational or goes off topic, recognize where her thoughts are coming from emotionally. But most importantly, validate her feelings. As humans, that’s all we want. To be validated.
What not to do:
Her: “I feel like all you care about is sex.”
You: “You’re just being hormonal right now.”
What to do:
Her: “I feel like all you care about is sex.”
You: “I hear what you’re saying. I validate your thoughts, and once we get off the phone, will take some time to think this over. I care about you wholeheartedly. I appreciate you being vulnerable and communicating your feelings to me.
Jesus, why are you still with this guy? This is “break up and never look back” territory. Please don't tolerate any more of his selfish manipulation. If he won't respect you, respect yourself and leave him. You've given him plenty of opportunities to change and he has clearly indicated he won't. It's time to leave.
A few questions: how many times over 7 years has he discussed this issue with you? You said you 'lash out at him sometimes'. How often is sometimes? And what does the 'lashing out' entail?
One of the better ways is to hash it out with a counselor. On your own. Then, try to bring her into it. People can and do work through situations like this, but it takes time, patience and hot work. The key point here is that your feelings about this matter. The anger, resentment… All of it. You have to actually accept those emotions, move through them, and come out the other side. You need to tell her exactly how you feel. She betrayed your trust. She has to earn that back. That being said, don't set up camp in this hell. Don't beat her up over it. Aim to move through it. Look for compassion and understanding, and those emotions will help you.
Thanks for the tip!
Tried to be friends with his wife, but she actually complained to my face with me, getting treated better, and even at work functions, she says stuff like that. My wife was open to it, but not now. My wife sees her as controlling and manipulative with her actions.
I tried to set boundaries, but if my friend is not able to vent, what good am i as a friend? i am supposed to be a safe space as his friend.
No wedding, no drama. No?
You do know that moving long distance is incredibly expensive, right? And also comes with having to find new jobs?
Actually, you can have privacy if you're on social media. Limit the number of people you allow to friend or subscribe or whatever, don't be searchable, etc. Set your outgoing posts to “friends only.” Things like that.
Also you shouldn't accept messages from people outside your immediate acquaintance. In this way he continues to get to you.
You don't owe these other girls any favors, although I get that you feel solidarity with them. But this is rattling you, so you need to stop allowing it.
Good luck with your upcoming marriage. You might want to have security at the door checking invitations and looking out for your ex.