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Play tits [200 tokens remaining]
Date: October 26, 2022
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You are not weak for wanting love and validation, it's only human. But yeah, if you stay/get in relationship just for the sake of someone and not even liking them then that's unhealthy – but, good on you for realizing and wanting to change that! That's a great first step.
I would recommend to simply not get in any relationships for a while. Give yourself that year. Focus on yourself, care for yourself and don't be afraid to do fun stuff just for yourself! Learn to love your own company, focus on your hobbies, etc. Ask yourself: what's the worst thing that can happen if you stay single for a while?
Spend time with friends, foster those relationships. If you don't have many, try to find people you vibe with. I know, it's always easier said than done but if you are in school/college/university you have the opportunity to get in touch with a lot of people.
If you have low self-esteen then work on that. This one is a bit trickier (negative self-talk is a very powerful thing – but so is positive self-talk! Try to write positive things about yourself and put up reminders when you have bad days. Be kind to yourself.)
Depending on your age, it doesn't hurt to take steps to being independent. Do you have a job? If you are in school, even a part time job for a couple hours is enough. Knowing you can earn your own money and take care of yourself is also a beneficial thing, it helps with basic existential fears and if you are in a good and positive work environment, being praised for a good job can help wonders with self esteem too (though a job is always double edged sword, I admit. But, I think more life experience helps a ton, whether goof or bad).
And lastly, if your self-esteem issues are deeper seated then don't be afraid to seek out counseling/therapy. A professional can see and pick up on your behaviors or discuss where that fear of being alone comes from. Understing that is so important to work on it.
Good luck on your journey!
Hence why I reminded OP that he is not married to his partner.
Joining finances before marriage isn’t a good idea. After marriage, it is whatever works best for you and your spouse
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I'd disagree there. I never had any FWBs who were in relationships, but it would make for some protection against them catching feelings/getting overly attached.
Anyone can pretend to be someone for a few months. This man isn't who you think he is.
A 30 year old dating someone who is barely I their 20s is BIg red flags. These relationships never work out & the younger one always gets abused.
It's 100 people telling OP that their age gap is a red flag. Relax
Me either but I am almost and never married but plenty of sex so….
You’re an adult that got drunk and ran your mouth, your boyfriend isn’t your minder and doesn’t need to pull you aside to “check you”. You embarrassed yourself, own it and don’t blame him for your actions.
It’s what I can’t work out as there was a chat bubble I the top corner which to me suggests that she was involved in a chat. None haven’t checked anything else on her phone as I think she would have deleted all evidence now
I petitioned the court for the name change, got that done. Then I sent the document to every government agency and creditor I had. I contacted them after 30 days to make sure it was done. That was it.
people always assume cheating but it’s just as likely drugs or something financial
Could have a tumour in your dick. Get yourself checked out too.
Did she start it though? It seems OP blames his fiancée but based on the facts stated here, it seems Sarah trauma dumped on OP’s fiancée constantly and then failed to show up as a friend in any other manner unless OP’s fiancée was willing to go out and party constantly. Seems the fiancée got to her wits end and rightfully said something. I don’t believe for a second based on everything else said here that Sarah isn’t at fault.
The poor fiancée. I wish she knew how much OP doesn’t care about her or have her back. This whole post is blaming the victim and making excuses for incredibly vile people.
I definitely would never take it that far, that’s not what I want to do at all. I actually loathe the idea of that, I also had an extremely controlling partner in the past who made me delete all my male friends and share my location.
I was actually incredibly terrified and having a really difficult time communicating my boundaries about this particular ex because I was having mixed feelings about whether or not it was controlling or reasonable for me to feel insecure.
However I think it’s very relevant to this specific situation that I was never threatened by this ex UNTIL it actually became a problem and she did threaten our (freshly forming) relationship. And it started off by them being friends, then ultimately she pushed for more and it was a HUGE mess for all of us, it was really fucking hurtful and sucked. I am really really afraid of that happening again and just simply couldn’t bear to stick around to have it happen again. That’s why I’m not comfortable with him leaving the door open like that with her and he says he wants to move on (and I do too!) but I don’t see how keeping her on Snapchat when she’s actively messaging him is conducive to that. And now the fact that he said he’d delete her almost 2 weeks ago and hasn’t, makes me even more worried that it actually is a problem. If it wasn’t a problem and I was being insecure, why would it be so difficult for him to just do?
I don’t know what to do myself. I could sacrifice my own boundaries and just say fuck it, let him do whatever, and try to repress my feelings of insecurity & fear but I’m not sure if that’s fair or healthy. What would a compromise be here?
Um it kinda is in 2023 USA….gestures wildly at everything going on