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love [Goal Race]
Date: November 4, 2022
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I spent 3 hours getting ready, and I'm not the one trying to impressing him or pursuing him–that's what his job and that's the opportunity I was giving him.
I tried to brush off him complaining about paying the first time because when I looked at him funny when I said that he assured me he wanted to pay. I guess he lied.
Sure, ignore, or an early message like very AM r u there to him.
What are the reasons for the relationship ending?
He ain’t lying….. the looks lore you in and the personality/character seal the deal!
Have you seen him nude before or would this be a first time?
Ask him why he's not comfortable enough to do that.
Break up with him. Just in case.
I’m sorry but him shaming you / making you feel bad for not doing anal? Big red flag. It’s not even that you haven’t given it a try. Some people are into stuff that their partners aren’t and that’s okay! You tried your best to accommodate his sexual desires even if it wasn’t something you were interested in. Now here’s where it gets tricky. You either continue trying to do something you actually don’t want to do, which is essentially because you’re being coerced and shamed into doing. Or, you place a firm boundary telling him you absolutely don’t want to. Doing anything sexually that you don’t want to do because he’s shaming you or making you feel pressured / guilty is not okay. If he can’t respect your boundaries that’s an alarming red flag.
Get legal help, but also you’re a selfish jerk bc no kid should grow up without knowing their REAL bio parents. You could have communicated with his mother or something but instead you just wanted them for yourself and your kids WILL resent that one day when they find out. It’s better to introduce them now and let THEM decide if they want to know their dad just because he was mean to you.
He threatened to PUNCH YOUR TEETH IN over PAPER!?!
He wanted the mother of his children to potentially die over some green.
RUN
Rather than call it apathy I would call it deflecting. A lot of people just can't process difficult discussions so he shuts down, numbs out, deflects, mocks you, gaslights you. The goal is to just derail the conversation outright and make you long term too tired or scared to even approach the topics. And if and when that happens he can basically avoid anything challenging forever.
Problem is that is toxic. It means that for you to love him you will have to increasingly isolate yourself within a small glass box and avoid the walls. Because the reality is you love him only when he doesn't feel provoked, when you are avoiding anything 'real' or serious. You love the facade.
And note this is the sympathetic take. The reality is that it could also be seen as outright manipulation. It could be that he is just abusive and is slowly wearing you down.
Regardless, you are marching steadily towards a trauma bond dynamic. Be careful with words like 'love' because often they trap us. The dynamic you have with him is one that only works when you are both hiding your feelings, to me that doesn't seem authentic.
I have a bachelor's in pre music therapy (University of Minnesota). So I can't actually be a practicing therapist until I get my masters. There are a couple private colleges in Wisconsin with this degree but I do not have the money for those schools. Plus I ran into issues trying to transfer credits from a public college to a private college before. I started my masters degree before my fiance came into my life. I moved home when COVID hit and we got kicked out of our campus housing. I was in the process of moving back to the twin cities when I met him. He always said I'll be able to finish my degree when he's done and that we would move closer so I could go back to school. I guess a big issue I have too is that he stopped looking for jobs. He found this one and decided to only apply to this one. I looked around and pointed out jobs for him to look at and he was not interested.
Can he smoke weed?