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Your post was removed for the following reason(s):
Your title did not include at least two ages/genders or was not formatted correctly
Posts must:
include details about the involved parties including ages, genders, and length of relationship, and
request advice in real situations involving two or more people
We are enforcing the two rules listed above by making all titles start with ages/genders in the following format:
[##X][##X], [## X][## X], or [##-X][##-X] where ## is the age and X is the gender (currently M, F, T, A, NB, FTM, MTF but more can be added). You can have more than two ages/genders listed, but you must have at least two at the beginning of your title. Here is an example:
Maybe see a professional about whether 1-2 months is enough of a porn detox – if you’d been watching quite a bit then it may take longer than that to reset?
I think a key question is also whether you were ever attracted to her in that way or if something has shifted at some point.
My advice is to untangle whether is a problem that comes from your porn use or not. Then you can make a better decision.
There are great starter resources out there in the sex therapy space that can get you thinking about things in a different way. Might help you untangle things.
Also you can consider that our culture promotes certain sexual norms and it’s actually really ok if sex doesn’t occur to you that often. However the fact that you use porn and masturbate makes me think you do have a naturally strong sex drive.
Ultimately she deserves to be with someone who does have that oo ah ah sensation for her, and you also deserve to be with someone who excites you in that way (assuming that sex is important to both of you).
Long term relationships that lack physical attraction often end up in pretty sad places so if you think you’re just not that attracted to her then at your age I’d suggest moving on. I know sex is just one issue now but trust me when the attraction really wanes when one person still has a strong desire, you can end up in a pretty dead bedroom and it becomes THE issue, and takes up a lot of space.
So you’re saying instead of helping him I’m supposed to just abandon him because he may never have ambition for anything? Maybe he’s just in a rough spot
Just leave him he is wasting your life. If he wants he can come back to her ex.
Do not date people that are emotionally attached with romantic feelings to other people. Just don't. They should first work this issue out and only then start dating other people.
Thank you for this, this would make sense. He is 2.5yrs out of a 13yr marriage, one that didn’t sound particularly loving which may he the cause of the intensity he is feeling that he can’t describe appropriately. Especially because it has been so long for him since these fizzy excited feelings. Do you have any advice on what words I could use to express my apprehension without coming across in a way that might hurt his feelings? I am working on my communication skills within relationships as its not been a strong point for me (I have CPTSD.)
There is no second guessing this one. You have to be mentally prepared to do it for the next 18 years. You have to be very very sure of this. You need to have a plan in place. You need to come to an understanding with your parents if you are thinking on depending on them. You need to have a agreement in writing through a lawyer about his financial contribution.
You cannot just assume that parents will help. You cannot just assume that your boyfriend will stick around and be a good partner and a good father or even contribute financially. You need to first decide if you want to be a parent without a gun to your head and if the answer is yes then you need to get all your ducks in a row.
Right! This is good advice. Thank you for taking time to read and respond.
Our breakup was a spur of the moment decision, and for almost 2 years, our relationship felt perfect. I can’t even remember why we broke up, – other than the fact I was having a hard time dealing with my recently diagnosed bipolar disorder.
I definitely have to think as much about this as possible. I have not responded to my ex.
The only reason I feel that I would not miss my current girlfriend as much as I miss my ex, is because I have felt as though I have “settled” with my current girlfriend since the start. But with my ex, I wanted to be with her forever. I just didn’t know how to?
Yeah but it’s not an accident is it. You could have been honest with Daniel in the first place and told him you had a boyfriend but instead you chose the deceitful route hence why he probably thought it was safe to assume you liked him too so he told you. NONE of this would have happened if you had just done the right thing in the first place. Not an accident.
In my friends group, we've made jokes about me being shared between partners (I'm the only single one right now) and it is all in good fun and everyone laughs. What your friend is saying is not that. Your friend is just being a rude asshole. If you want to de-friend them over this, then I see this as being a valid reason for doing so. I wouldn't even say this is over a joke, this is over some rude comments.
Talk to a financial planner then and map things out and see what makes sense. Buying now/soon probably isn’t a smart plan given the market and interest rates. But maybe in 2 years or so.
First: Don't stop taking your medication just to have sex with this loser. Second: Break up with him. He doesn't make you happy. He is like an old habit that is bad for you. Get rid of you and you will feel better. To think that you stop medications, feel awful about weight, the women, whatever and what does he? He also does nothing about his problems to stay naked. And if i just read the title of your post of one year ago, this guy really doesn't seem like a win. Why oh why don't you break up?
You seems to be a great woman. You will find a partner you deserve with no problem! Stop staying in a relationship that makes you unhappy.
And i don't know if you already are in therapy, but if not, you should go. And take your medication again! Instead stopping to take them, you should talk with your doc if there is another kind that doesn't kill your sex-drive. But… were the medication really the cause?
This is a great way to start. Make sure to have this conversation *not* while trying, but rather when you are relaxed and just spending time together.
Also make sure to bring up the oral.
Please don't think you are being unreasonable. You should be able to enjoy a good sex life with your partner
It's smaller town people talk that she has slept around she introduced me to her kids and all that but that just puts me off should I risk it
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Posts must:
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We are enforcing the two rules listed above by making all titles use the following formatting:
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[##X][##X], [## X][## X], or [##-X][##-X] where ## is the age and X is the gender (currently M, F, T, A, NB, FTM, MTF but more can be added). You can have more than two ages/genders listed, but you must have at least two at the beginning of your title. Here is an example:
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What the hell did I just read
Maybe see a professional about whether 1-2 months is enough of a porn detox – if you’d been watching quite a bit then it may take longer than that to reset?
I think a key question is also whether you were ever attracted to her in that way or if something has shifted at some point.
My advice is to untangle whether is a problem that comes from your porn use or not. Then you can make a better decision.
There are great starter resources out there in the sex therapy space that can get you thinking about things in a different way. Might help you untangle things.
Also you can consider that our culture promotes certain sexual norms and it’s actually really ok if sex doesn’t occur to you that often. However the fact that you use porn and masturbate makes me think you do have a naturally strong sex drive.
Ultimately she deserves to be with someone who does have that oo ah ah sensation for her, and you also deserve to be with someone who excites you in that way (assuming that sex is important to both of you).
Long term relationships that lack physical attraction often end up in pretty sad places so if you think you’re just not that attracted to her then at your age I’d suggest moving on. I know sex is just one issue now but trust me when the attraction really wanes when one person still has a strong desire, you can end up in a pretty dead bedroom and it becomes THE issue, and takes up a lot of space.
So you’re saying instead of helping him I’m supposed to just abandon him because he may never have ambition for anything? Maybe he’s just in a rough spot
That’s what I was telling myself while crying in the shower! But I don’t know because I don’t have much experience with relationships
Just leave him he is wasting your life. If he wants he can come back to her ex.
Do not date people that are emotionally attached with romantic feelings to other people. Just don't. They should first work this issue out and only then start dating other people.
And guys wonder why older men say never stick your ? in crazy
She needs an absolutely massive amount of therapy and if you spend another day even considering staying with her then you do too
If she hurts herself that’s on her, not you
Thank you for this, this would make sense. He is 2.5yrs out of a 13yr marriage, one that didn’t sound particularly loving which may he the cause of the intensity he is feeling that he can’t describe appropriately. Especially because it has been so long for him since these fizzy excited feelings. Do you have any advice on what words I could use to express my apprehension without coming across in a way that might hurt his feelings? I am working on my communication skills within relationships as its not been a strong point for me (I have CPTSD.)
1000 on a friend and spent nowhere near that on you……… nah either he’s fucking her or wants to be.
you are not his priority……. time to make yourself a priority and get rid, find someone that will prioritise you!
Life happens when a condom breaks or birth control fails, not when you purposely choose to have unprotected sex, which it sounds like you did.
Don't be an idiot and block him!!!
There is no second guessing this one. You have to be mentally prepared to do it for the next 18 years. You have to be very very sure of this. You need to have a plan in place. You need to come to an understanding with your parents if you are thinking on depending on them. You need to have a agreement in writing through a lawyer about his financial contribution.
You cannot just assume that parents will help. You cannot just assume that your boyfriend will stick around and be a good partner and a good father or even contribute financially. You need to first decide if you want to be a parent without a gun to your head and if the answer is yes then you need to get all your ducks in a row.
Right! This is good advice. Thank you for taking time to read and respond.
Our breakup was a spur of the moment decision, and for almost 2 years, our relationship felt perfect. I can’t even remember why we broke up, – other than the fact I was having a hard time dealing with my recently diagnosed bipolar disorder.
I definitely have to think as much about this as possible. I have not responded to my ex.
The only reason I feel that I would not miss my current girlfriend as much as I miss my ex, is because I have felt as though I have “settled” with my current girlfriend since the start. But with my ex, I wanted to be with her forever. I just didn’t know how to?
Yeah but it’s not an accident is it. You could have been honest with Daniel in the first place and told him you had a boyfriend but instead you chose the deceitful route hence why he probably thought it was safe to assume you liked him too so he told you. NONE of this would have happened if you had just done the right thing in the first place. Not an accident.
If my best friend's wife pulled some shit like this to my wife on our wedding day I would tell him to get fucked also.
In my friends group, we've made jokes about me being shared between partners (I'm the only single one right now) and it is all in good fun and everyone laughs. What your friend is saying is not that. Your friend is just being a rude asshole. If you want to de-friend them over this, then I see this as being a valid reason for doing so. I wouldn't even say this is over a joke, this is over some rude comments.
Talk to a financial planner then and map things out and see what makes sense. Buying now/soon probably isn’t a smart plan given the market and interest rates. But maybe in 2 years or so.
First: Don't stop taking your medication just to have sex with this loser. Second: Break up with him. He doesn't make you happy. He is like an old habit that is bad for you. Get rid of you and you will feel better. To think that you stop medications, feel awful about weight, the women, whatever and what does he? He also does nothing about his problems to stay naked. And if i just read the title of your post of one year ago, this guy really doesn't seem like a win. Why oh why don't you break up?
You seems to be a great woman. You will find a partner you deserve with no problem! Stop staying in a relationship that makes you unhappy.
And i don't know if you already are in therapy, but if not, you should go. And take your medication again! Instead stopping to take them, you should talk with your doc if there is another kind that doesn't kill your sex-drive. But… were the medication really the cause?
I wish you the best ❤️