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Date: September 29, 2022
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Sounds like you're having trouble believing she truly feels indifference, if not actual dislike, about receiving oral, and maybe you're trying to “get to the bottom of it” to be helpful.
I get it, or I'm totally projecting, lol. Especially if your partner isn't having orgasms, you want to make sure you're a loving, considerate, fabulous lover! And especially if the thing she loves to give she hates to get. I understand that can feel imbalanced.
So reframe the situation to identify your true insecurities and work on figuring out why you are struggling to take “because I don't love it and don't see the point” as a complete answer. Are you feeling inadequate, mistrustful, insecure, rejected, etc? Whatever it is, that is the real conversation and the real work.
This one, OP. This is the best answer.
It's not “best to tell”. It is absolutely critically necessary to tell, because it's an issue of consent.
Deliberately hiding your std status with sexual partners is rape.
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Go back to work full-time. Or take a second part-time job as an accountant. And let him pay for the costs of childcare, why should you when you don't have a “real job”?
My (M20) girlfriend (F21) followed a bunch of guys on instagram on her girls trip
So?
As much as I hate to admit it, you are right. As someone who spent much of my life in abusive situations and most of this relationship with my boyfriend assuring me I don't have to be so mistrusting of people and so hypervigilant anymore and I don't on-line in that world anymore, I really wanted to believe I wasn't in that world anymore. But the fact of the matter is any professional would call that abuse.
I am not the kind of person they would usually vibe with. I eat mostly healthy, I really only drink water, I am very focused on my spirituality, I am a yoga teacher, reiki master, practice sound therapy, and a certified meditation teacher. All of these things are part of my daily life. I am very holistic minded. I have a gentle montessori style of parenting. And I do affirmations daily with my son and my boyfriend before all of this and believe strongly about breathing life into my loved ones. My lifestyle and career choices may not be super digestible but I am not over the top and in people's face about it. I don't talk down to people who don't on-line that way. I don't make passive aggressive remarks if people move differently. That's just what works for me and it's not for everyone. And I know that. I never push my views. But they are more wired to think everyone around them has to be like them or it's unacceptable. They're high status and have a lot of money and believe you're supposed to act a certain way and if you don't drink and/or do the activities they do, you're being a sour puss and don't have a personality. I have never disrespected them or treated them poorly. But they certainly have to me a lot.
If we are to work, I would really hate to be the one to say he has to go NC with them and I wish there was a different way but I don't know if there is. I really thought all of this would show him what he needed to know and he would make his own choice. I never wanted to give an ultimatum or make him feel like I am controlling him but this really is very toxic.
Las Vegas really was insane in hindsight. I just tried so very hot to not make a fuss and I didn't even want to go on that trip and told my boyfriend to just go have fun and I would have a much better week staying home with all of my books and my yoga mat. But he didn't want us separated as a family, which is a bit ironic now that I know how things played out. And once I went I didn't want everyone feeling like I made the whole trip about me so I just tried to make the best of it as much as i could but once my feet were so swollen I couldn't get them in my shoes…that was too much. I needed rest.
I have thought about that. I can't have my son growing up around these behaviors which is why I said at bare minimum me and our son cannot be around them any more. They have repeatedly shown they are not stable and have no remorse and have literally torn their own son apart with all of this and still don't seen to care. It might be mean but I cannot be around that and neither can my son. I have a tendency to try and people please but this is something I just can't move on.
I have had a nude time feeling like I am safe and protected with my boyfriend with all of this and some of our last blow out was about feeling like he's repeatedly picked his parents over the family he created with me and our son. If we are to work, a lot will have to change. For sure.
Also I really appreciate your long thought out response. I hope you have a great day and get some unexpected good news!
lol reasonably creative
I appreciate the advice.
They pretty much consider him a lost cause at this point and won’t do anything to help him or want anything to do with him. They are afraid by being involved with him they will get into trouble.
Let me tell you love is NOT pity. You pity him and think you can heal his childhood trauma but that’s just not realistic. He needs help not a relationship.
ok
Absolutely do not get back with that woman. You're a consolation prize for her and she's already shown you her cruel side. Fuck her.
First of all your disgusting wtf, second : tell her because she clearly deserves better