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Date: October 23, 2022
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It’s a reasonable boundary that your husband set. And it sounds like he’s explained himself well. There is always 3 sides to every story. As a person in a relationship, he’s allowed to set boundaries on unexpected issues. If the situation with your sister is that dire then she needs professional help, inpatient. You are completely invalidating and disrespecting his choices by pushing the issue. How would you feel if your husband invalidated a very strong feeling of yours, multiple times?
Come on now why do you hate yourself so much? Throw him away, you will find someone better. Don’t be so naive he will cheat again and again because you would forgive him.
There’s nothing wrong with being non monogamous, there’s nothing wrong with being monogamous, however, both people have to want one or the other unless you’re okay with him doing whatever and you’re not, which obviously isn’t the case since you made this post.
If it’s really something you can’t see yourself doing, unfortunately you guys are incompatible, and something that big of a deal, it’s probably best if you leave and avoid getting traumatized.
Given that she's not even 12 weeks yet, if he's already seeing/talking to someone and is with the same person once she gives birth I don't think it's unreasonable for him to slowly introduce them to his child since that gives around 6 months. There would also be plenty time for this new person to be introduced to the ex so she does know them. It's a very unique situation with the baby not even being here yet but he has as much input to the child as she does and it shouldn't just be a case of her dictating what is happening, there should be compromise and discussion.
she told me there’s not much she can do as they are just friends now and that we have different views on how friendships work
What does she mean by this?
My advice is to atsnf firm on your boundaries here. It'll probably mean the end of your relationship, but no relationship is better than an unhealthy one.
She had made it clear that she still wants a relationship. He was the one to end things with her over the summer. I think she believed that they would get back together but that’s clearly not the case. Which is why I’m confused as to why he would still essentially do things for her that a boyfriend would (and even beyond that.. with how much he has been helping her financially) but there’s no physicality there anymore, he is just super “close” to her even if he doesn’t directly say any of that to me. I don’t understand their relationship dynamic or his motives.
Consider marriage counseling first before you move her in. If not for you, do it for your children. This is not good for them. She is flaky and willing to leave at the drop of a dime and there is no doubt you are her second choice, not her first.