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Miki, 18 y.o.
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Date: October 24, 2022
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I updated a few days after I posted this. Do I do 2 updates for posts? If so, I definitely can do a most current update for everyone 🙂
You guys were basically broken up. You get back together and he is making you feel like crap. Sounds like being broken up was the better answer. You might want to make it work but seems like he doesn’t…
I hope you don't take that person's comments to heart.
Marriage is absolutely not a “lifelong union” if one spouse disrespects those vows by mistreating the other. I don't know what your husband did to you specifically, but being “treated terribly” for half a decade by your partner is more than enough reason to leave. You did NOTHING wrong by choosing yourself.
This is extremely common for people who have been mistreated by a partner, especially if the behavior was abusive. Guilt is normal. It sucks, but it's normal. I still struggle with guilt for leaving a partner who raped me multiple times years ago, and for leaving a person I dated for 3 years and planned to marry, who cheated on me repeatedly.
Just my personal opinion but sometimes I think we feel guilty in situations like this because we spent so long putting someone else first that it feels unfamiliar and weird to put ourselves first. It feels wrong because we're not used to it. But that's not disrespecting your vows; it's finally respecting yourself over someone else who disrespected your vows.
Keep in mind that was over 18 years ago, the process has very likely changed by then
Applied for 2 jobs in 3 months.
No. That is absolutely unacceptable in a mid 30’s man.
He’s holding out until you start covering his mooching at home lifestyle then he will stop looking for jobs altogether.
You absolutely need to give him an ultimatum that you are not moving in with him until he has got a job and held it for 6 months.
Sounds harsh? Well the alternative is you being the parent to an approaching middle aged loser for the rest of your life.
That is an enormous thing to keep from your significant other. Move on, this relationship is new and you’re too young for all of this mess.
Mutual consent is the minimum standard in all things.
Apologies are in order, and not the “sorry you felt that way” kind. Actual apologies.
Learn Nonviolent Communication, and use it so you are both heard and understood.
Partnership is just that. Mutual consent can’t happen without it.
If your boyfriend were to put the “I” before the “we,” and that came at your expense, how would you feel?
This isn’t about laundry. You do realize that, right?