My dilemma is I don't know what to do to help her. I'm not going anywhere in the friendship. I'm not going to pack up and leave. I'm upset because I only want to help her and she's just hurting so bad and keeps going down that path. I'm not trying to make her feel like she's being “kicked further”.
Baby trapping is when you lie to someone that you are on birth control or sabotage theirs so that you “accidentally” become pregnant/make someone pregnant. Sometimes it even goes as far as “if you don’t have a baby with me, I’ll do XYZ and it’ll be you who takes the blame.”
It’s not used to describe a situation where a guy willingly has unprotected sex for whatever reason and then bails because he doesn’t want to be a dad.
I feel like you already know the answer to your question. You need a more diverse social network. You're sitting on a stool with one leg, your wife. You don't just love her, you're completely and totally emotionally dependent on her, and that's not healthy for either of you. I guarantee she loves you too. But a stool with one leg will eventually break or fall over.
I believe it's important for you to: 1. Go on your journey of total independence. You need to learn how to trust and rely on yourself for literally everything in your life. This includes self-determined physical, intellectual, and creative activity. 2. Bring something positive to a group of people that can help you develop varied friendships. 3. Let her go while you're on this journey, then reintroduce yourself to your ex-wife as an independent, secure individual who is a valued part of your community.
You could either desperately pine after her, or you can do what's necessary to earn her. And if it happens that in the time it took you to gain this independence, she's able to move on into a healthy relationship… Be happy that someone you love was able to find happiness. You might just find it in your own journey that someone else is able to accept you for who you are and it won't feel like work to them.
Does it ever upset you knowing she’s with someone new? Another reason I was afraid to leave was because I thought he would move on and treat the next person amazing, and then that would be like confirmation that I was the bad guy
'he's probably not a prick because he made her breakfast' was off.
Naive at best.
My dilemma is I don't know what to do to help her. I'm not going anywhere in the friendship. I'm not going to pack up and leave. I'm upset because I only want to help her and she's just hurting so bad and keeps going down that path. I'm not trying to make her feel like she's being “kicked further”.
Baby trapping is when you lie to someone that you are on birth control or sabotage theirs so that you “accidentally” become pregnant/make someone pregnant. Sometimes it even goes as far as “if you don’t have a baby with me, I’ll do XYZ and it’ll be you who takes the blame.”
It’s not used to describe a situation where a guy willingly has unprotected sex for whatever reason and then bails because he doesn’t want to be a dad.
I feel like you already know the answer to your question. You need a more diverse social network. You're sitting on a stool with one leg, your wife. You don't just love her, you're completely and totally emotionally dependent on her, and that's not healthy for either of you. I guarantee she loves you too. But a stool with one leg will eventually break or fall over.
I believe it's important for you to: 1. Go on your journey of total independence. You need to learn how to trust and rely on yourself for literally everything in your life. This includes self-determined physical, intellectual, and creative activity. 2. Bring something positive to a group of people that can help you develop varied friendships. 3. Let her go while you're on this journey, then reintroduce yourself to your ex-wife as an independent, secure individual who is a valued part of your community.
You could either desperately pine after her, or you can do what's necessary to earn her. And if it happens that in the time it took you to gain this independence, she's able to move on into a healthy relationship… Be happy that someone you love was able to find happiness. You might just find it in your own journey that someone else is able to accept you for who you are and it won't feel like work to them.
Thank you so much sir. I’ll let him know I support him but I will continue to give him time and space
Does it ever upset you knowing she’s with someone new? Another reason I was afraid to leave was because I thought he would move on and treat the next person amazing, and then that would be like confirmation that I was the bad guy