It sounds like you have been putting in all the emotional work with little help, and that's no way to continue a marriage. No, best girlfriends are not supposed to be closer than your spouse. You shouldn't shoulder the burden of her mental illness when she won't even try. There are professionals better suited to that. Doyourself a favor and allow yourself to move on and truly live happily.
My mother is white and my father is black and all my life I've dealt with racism from my mother and from her white children from her first marriage, and I think the people telling you that having black grandchildren will automatically flip a switch in their brain are very wrong. If I were you, I would try to limit contact between my kids and the grandparents and in instances where they are the subject of verbal attacks, try to instill a sense of self-worth and pride in them.
You sure he even likes you? Some people just aren’t affectionate but honestly, I’d seriously evaluate if you two are compatible. I’m not super affectionate but I do want the occasional cuddle and nice words.
It’s just too much my family think I should just sign my rights away because that’s better for everybody else. But i feel like it’s wrong because my daughter will get the benefit of knowing her whole family while my son will never know anybody
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The most you can give a cat, at a given time, is 20 mg. While it shouldn't hurt the cats, it's still not a good idea. You might want to, at least for now, move the water and food dish for the cats. I realize that cats hate having their environment upset like that, but they can adapt. (had to do it with mine a couple of times)
It’s not automatically wrong. But I would encourage you to pause and examine your long term priorities, values and goals.
My main reason for pausing would be the financial imbalance. Looking back, at 20 I wasn’t financially independent and wouldn’t be compatible with someone who’s over 30 and “has it all figured out”. On the other hand, if at 30+ they would be in the same financial pickle as me at 20, I’d be concerned. But that’s just me and my fixation on financial stability and independence.
If the two of you are compatible and healthy – keep on dating!
also, his explanation for his bad behaviour might not be correct. It might be the opposite of what he says. Think back OP, if you take the explanation away, how many times have you suffered “minor bad behaviour” from him that you have forgiven? Watch the pattern.
Everyone is different. And individual libidos can ebb and flow.
My wife is 50. I'm a few years older. We've been married 30 years. We're having more frequent and more adventurous sex now than we were 15-20 years ago. The difference there mostly being a house full of teenagers and their friends all day and night then – and an empty nest now. Plus life was more stressful for both of us then. That's not to say we had a bad sex life. But once a week was the best we could average.
Now, things are far more relaxed. We're in a better place in life. And we have more free time and the whole house to ourselves. And we're making the most of it. It's not perfect. We having opposite work schedules, so we don't see each other as much as we'd like. But when were are together, it's great.
But I will add that we make it a priority in our lives. No. It's not the most important thing. No, we don't make it a point to have sex every “x” amount of time. Nor do we usually schedule it. When I say we make it a priority, I mean we try not to be complacent and miss out on opportunities. It's easy to start binge watching something, or get absorbed in a hobby, going out with friends, etc. And then the day is gone. So we try not to let the day get away from us. And we're naturally affectionate with each other anyway. We can't be near each other without some form of affection, even if it's just a quick hug, hold hands, or a quick kiss. But even those small gestures of affection add up over time and build anticipation or desire.
I think as we get older, the old adage is true: use it or lose it. We don't want to lose that part of ourselves.
I'd say by the sounds of things you're out of the love-bombing stage. By any chance was he always loving and sweet up to this point or something similar? It's unfortunately very common with abusers to have a period of time where things are picture perfect, then all of a sudden things start to change negatively
Wow, I must be a sucker for a love bomber because I thought he might be pushing his boundaries (I didnt see the original story) but then after he thought he lost you he realized he needs to pick and choose his battles.
But these girls may be onto something, flowers not caring if you ran around hot of course he didn't mean that literally.. that is a little overboard, be careful.
You’ve found yourself a small man who needs to bring you down to feel better about himself. Don’t waste your time with small men, find someone who would be proud their girlfriend is smart, driven and self reliant.
She won't even touch him. It sounds like she is not mature enough for a sexual relationship, or highly traumatized, or something else. In any case, pursuing anything is not worth it. If it's trauma, he can try being a supportive friend, but that is not the read I'm getting.
The food argument was because he got upset I wanted to buy tacos when their was food in the fridge. The volume was the fact that he always plays videos on his phone hella loud in the middle of the living room where people are doing hw, studying, etc. and I asked him to turn the volume down. Both times he escalated the situation as I was apologizing and asking him to pick our battles and let it go.
I am in no way saying I am a saint. I do things that I’m sure irritate him and things that make me less than a perfect wife. All I’m saying is that this unnecessary bickering is not something I can handle right now.
And yes you are right I think logically the decision to separate myself from the situation is the right one. I am just worried he will see that as I’m running away or that I want an excuse to not be around him to do other things or take it as something that it isn’t and that our marriage will be ruined off my decision to take some time apart.
He is not a bad husband and he is a good dad. We just both have made mistakes in our lives and I want to right them together. It’s just proving to be hard.
Why does everyone feel they have to tell all about their sex lives?
This is the same stuff as the “my son fucked my girlfriend” post in r/BestofRedditorUpdates
It sounds like you have been putting in all the emotional work with little help, and that's no way to continue a marriage. No, best girlfriends are not supposed to be closer than your spouse. You shouldn't shoulder the burden of her mental illness when she won't even try. There are professionals better suited to that. Doyourself a favor and allow yourself to move on and truly live happily.
Go see a doctor now. If you're watching porn stop now.
If she has stayed with you through 8 years of this, she's a keeper. Take this more seriously than your job.
One strike and you’re out. Move on.
My mother is white and my father is black and all my life I've dealt with racism from my mother and from her white children from her first marriage, and I think the people telling you that having black grandchildren will automatically flip a switch in their brain are very wrong. If I were you, I would try to limit contact between my kids and the grandparents and in instances where they are the subject of verbal attacks, try to instill a sense of self-worth and pride in them.
You sure he even likes you? Some people just aren’t affectionate but honestly, I’d seriously evaluate if you two are compatible. I’m not super affectionate but I do want the occasional cuddle and nice words.
It’s just too much my family think I should just sign my rights away because that’s better for everybody else. But i feel like it’s wrong because my daughter will get the benefit of knowing her whole family while my son will never know anybody
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I just didn’t really it was awkward and I didn’t view it an important part of me and still dont
Literally nobody asked if you understand that element of the post. Nobody.
And you obviously lack the ability to read and comprehend what the OP has said.
The most you can give a cat, at a given time, is 20 mg. While it shouldn't hurt the cats, it's still not a good idea. You might want to, at least for now, move the water and food dish for the cats. I realize that cats hate having their environment upset like that, but they can adapt. (had to do it with mine a couple of times)
It’s not automatically wrong. But I would encourage you to pause and examine your long term priorities, values and goals.
My main reason for pausing would be the financial imbalance. Looking back, at 20 I wasn’t financially independent and wouldn’t be compatible with someone who’s over 30 and “has it all figured out”. On the other hand, if at 30+ they would be in the same financial pickle as me at 20, I’d be concerned. But that’s just me and my fixation on financial stability and independence.
If the two of you are compatible and healthy – keep on dating!
Read edits and comments from OP. His mother was best friends with her grandmother.
It's one month. Chill.
It won't get better If you start pressuring him already.
also, his explanation for his bad behaviour might not be correct. It might be the opposite of what he says. Think back OP, if you take the explanation away, how many times have you suffered “minor bad behaviour” from him that you have forgiven? Watch the pattern.
god i should probably leave him i know. but, i said id try so i feel im going back on my words. i dont know im so tired or this
So he did not do it to you, why are you wording it like that?
Your body your choice, don’t have intercourse with him.
I don't think there is a “normal.”
Everyone is different. And individual libidos can ebb and flow.
My wife is 50. I'm a few years older. We've been married 30 years. We're having more frequent and more adventurous sex now than we were 15-20 years ago. The difference there mostly being a house full of teenagers and their friends all day and night then – and an empty nest now. Plus life was more stressful for both of us then. That's not to say we had a bad sex life. But once a week was the best we could average.
Now, things are far more relaxed. We're in a better place in life. And we have more free time and the whole house to ourselves. And we're making the most of it. It's not perfect. We having opposite work schedules, so we don't see each other as much as we'd like. But when were are together, it's great.
But I will add that we make it a priority in our lives. No. It's not the most important thing. No, we don't make it a point to have sex every “x” amount of time. Nor do we usually schedule it. When I say we make it a priority, I mean we try not to be complacent and miss out on opportunities. It's easy to start binge watching something, or get absorbed in a hobby, going out with friends, etc. And then the day is gone. So we try not to let the day get away from us. And we're naturally affectionate with each other anyway. We can't be near each other without some form of affection, even if it's just a quick hug, hold hands, or a quick kiss. But even those small gestures of affection add up over time and build anticipation or desire.
I think as we get older, the old adage is true: use it or lose it. We don't want to lose that part of ourselves.
Imagine living the rest of your life wondering if you are being cheated on again.
And most likely you are
I'd say by the sounds of things you're out of the love-bombing stage. By any chance was he always loving and sweet up to this point or something similar? It's unfortunately very common with abusers to have a period of time where things are picture perfect, then all of a sudden things start to change negatively
Wow, I must be a sucker for a love bomber because I thought he might be pushing his boundaries (I didnt see the original story) but then after he thought he lost you he realized he needs to pick and choose his battles.
But these girls may be onto something, flowers not caring if you ran around hot of course he didn't mean that literally.. that is a little overboard, be careful.
It will be sad rehoming your boyfriend but you will find d a better one. You can't replace your dog.
You’ve found yourself a small man who needs to bring you down to feel better about himself. Don’t waste your time with small men, find someone who would be proud their girlfriend is smart, driven and self reliant.
She won't even touch him. It sounds like she is not mature enough for a sexual relationship, or highly traumatized, or something else. In any case, pursuing anything is not worth it. If it's trauma, he can try being a supportive friend, but that is not the read I'm getting.
Is it fair toward other guys? I’d literally be hiding there existence, or if I explain it, will that make it fair? Thanks for commenting btw
The food argument was because he got upset I wanted to buy tacos when their was food in the fridge. The volume was the fact that he always plays videos on his phone hella loud in the middle of the living room where people are doing hw, studying, etc. and I asked him to turn the volume down. Both times he escalated the situation as I was apologizing and asking him to pick our battles and let it go.
I am in no way saying I am a saint. I do things that I’m sure irritate him and things that make me less than a perfect wife. All I’m saying is that this unnecessary bickering is not something I can handle right now.
And yes you are right I think logically the decision to separate myself from the situation is the right one. I am just worried he will see that as I’m running away or that I want an excuse to not be around him to do other things or take it as something that it isn’t and that our marriage will be ruined off my decision to take some time apart.
He is not a bad husband and he is a good dad. We just both have made mistakes in our lives and I want to right them together. It’s just proving to be hard.