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Raven, 22 y.o.
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Date: November 6, 2022
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Have you guys tried couples counseling? You’ve had issues for a while now. And you already know that he does have some reason to be frustrated with you. Are you seeing anyone or getting medication for ADHD?
But..but..she's a literal FBI agent!
insert eye roll thingy here
GMAFB
Did you ask for them?
Break = impending breakup.
I think she is young, facing many changes and a move and that is messing with her.
Ship her things back. Do not wait for her to change her mind. Go on-line your life.
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Whatever you do: Don't quit your job or get in a situation where you might not be able to leave if you wanted to. Always have an exit plan. There are too many women on here who “did the right/ expected thing” and took on the role of the caretaker, bug ended up as a desperate, under appreciated, burnt out bangmaid.
Consider your options and boundaries, communicate them to your boyfriend, don't budge and if they are pushing you into something you don't want, you leave. One of the conditions of taking on some responsibility should be financial aid provided vy inlaws. Refuse to do anything of it lowers your quality of life. The brother of your boyfriend is not your responsibility.
I always try to see things from both points of view but can't come up with any valid reasons or justifications for what you're describing. I could see him letting you know there was a specific dress code for an event he invited you to or something so you wouldn't feel out of place, but day-to-day, no.
As a general rule, unless it's out of concern for health or safety, or you were asking for advice, don't tolerate sentences that start with “You should…” or “You need to…”.
It sounds like he's immature and more concerned with having obedient arm candy than he is about your feelings. Comparing you to other women he sees IRL or gets off to online is just…ewww. Start suggesting he make himself look more like other guys that you find attractive and see how that goes over.
Yeah, time to nope on outta there. If it were a longer-term relationship and something he had just started doing, it might be worth addressing further, but if it's like this right out of the gate, it's a lost cause. Cut your losses and move on. I think you probably know this in your heart; trust yourself and find someone who appreciates you the way you are.
Yeah, those dudes are in the fantasy because they’re eating at her dining table.
So when he rapes you it will be your fault because you shouldn’t have done whatever you did to make him hate you. That’s basically what he’s saying. I’m willing to bet he has raped previous girlfriends and they are all ‘crazy’. JFC get away now!
I’ve read of your few replies and see that your daughter has been raised by her grandmother since day one. It sounds like Grandma is her whole world right now and leaving could be traumatic for her. It’s a massive loss (or may feel as such). Sometimes this loss can manifest in complex ways—she may need a therapist to unpack this. It might be worthwhile for you and your wife to see one, too. This is so much more than just adding a kid to your lives—which is a great undertaking in itself.
Is it worth fighting for? Absolutely, yes.
When approaching your wife, just be honest. Share the situation like you have with us here. Tell her you understand that she never signed up for this. That this wasn’t the plan, and you totally can appreciate if she is feeling sad or frustrated or at a loss (for a life she has had and has envisioned with you). You understand if this is a deal breaker for her—but you really hope it isn’t. That you have a child that you are responsible for that you already love and want to protect and raise. And that you hope she will be with you every step of the way, but it isn’t fair of you to ask, and so you respect that she will need to process this in her own way and in her own time.