It's not fair to expect your partner to not tell a soul about this situation when she is suffering in silence so much from it. Your partner needs some support. Keeping her isolated in this situation will only result in piling a great amount of pressure onto it.
One of the reasons why your other Bi friend couples did MUCH better with this is because they not only communicated with each other, but they clearly didn't treat the subject like it was a taboo thing that had to remain behind closed doors (instead, they allowed their partners to talk about stuff with their friends and process things, etc).
It is not fair to insinuate that your partner isn't being chill about your sexuality when you clearly aren't either because you don't want anyone to know about this side to you. I think you're being in denial when you say you're being all c'est la vie about stuff, and I think that this disparity in words VS reality will not be giving your partner any sense of real reassurrance whatsoever.
Your partner can only process things as much as you have and as much as you allow her to. Right now you are making it very difficult for her to process things or trust you by not being very real and chill about things yourself.
We read enough stories here in RA that start with “My GF went to a party and …” where that sentence ends in all manner of sexual behaviour (also works the other way around, BFs can be just as bad).
He doesn't like the idea of you getting drunk and having sex in a bathroom with some frat boy you've just met. Also he was a frat boy so he knows they they can't be trusted.
Is he otherwise controlling? Does he make your relationship all about his decisions (where you eat, what you wear, how you spend weekends)?
You have a right to live! your life for you and not for anyone else but you need to do what's right for you and he needs to do what's right for him. If you want to party and he says that you're finished then so be it. If you choose him over parties then so be it but don't be resentful later because you have a free choice.
Yeahhh. I would tell him you don’t give a crap that he’s embarrassed. You and your brother were absolutely mortified when he lashed out and insanely suggested that something incestuous happened between the two of you.
Tell him therapy or you’re gone. He crossed a major line and he’s lucky you’re even considering working through it with him.
And look at it another way: How many women have you seen say something to the effect of, “I can dress however I want to! You shouldn't sexualize me just because I dress a certain way!”
So op didn't sexualize her and still got shit for it because “any guy would fuck me”, insinuating that it would be natural fie a man to sexualize her lol
That’s not really how anxiety works
I am also autistic, think OP might be too, and think that regardless he was baiting OP and not respecting her boundaries
It's not fair to expect your partner to not tell a soul about this situation when she is suffering in silence so much from it. Your partner needs some support. Keeping her isolated in this situation will only result in piling a great amount of pressure onto it.
One of the reasons why your other Bi friend couples did MUCH better with this is because they not only communicated with each other, but they clearly didn't treat the subject like it was a taboo thing that had to remain behind closed doors (instead, they allowed their partners to talk about stuff with their friends and process things, etc).
It is not fair to insinuate that your partner isn't being chill about your sexuality when you clearly aren't either because you don't want anyone to know about this side to you. I think you're being in denial when you say you're being all c'est la vie about stuff, and I think that this disparity in words VS reality will not be giving your partner any sense of real reassurrance whatsoever.
Your partner can only process things as much as you have and as much as you allow her to. Right now you are making it very difficult for her to process things or trust you by not being very real and chill about things yourself.
You could check out Awaken into Love, maybe you have some relationship anxiety?
I would just tell him to knock it off, set your boundaries and be firm.
If that doesn’t work then leave
We read enough stories here in RA that start with “My GF went to a party and …” where that sentence ends in all manner of sexual behaviour (also works the other way around, BFs can be just as bad).
He doesn't like the idea of you getting drunk and having sex in a bathroom with some frat boy you've just met. Also he was a frat boy so he knows they they can't be trusted.
Is he otherwise controlling? Does he make your relationship all about his decisions (where you eat, what you wear, how you spend weekends)?
You have a right to live! your life for you and not for anyone else but you need to do what's right for you and he needs to do what's right for him. If you want to party and he says that you're finished then so be it. If you choose him over parties then so be it but don't be resentful later because you have a free choice.
For the record, he was saying disgusting things about men.
Yeahhh. I would tell him you don’t give a crap that he’s embarrassed. You and your brother were absolutely mortified when he lashed out and insanely suggested that something incestuous happened between the two of you.
Tell him therapy or you’re gone. He crossed a major line and he’s lucky you’re even considering working through it with him.
And look at it another way: How many women have you seen say something to the effect of, “I can dress however I want to! You shouldn't sexualize me just because I dress a certain way!”
So op didn't sexualize her and still got shit for it because “any guy would fuck me”, insinuating that it would be natural fie a man to sexualize her lol
Insanity.