the fun part of life is, we are all entitled to live! it the way we want. no one needs to lighten up, you need mind your own business. at your big age you should know better than trying to get people to compromise on their values and beliefs. maybe try a hobby instead?
1) She is gaslighting you, and you’re starting to believe it. Stop apologizing to her so much. You’ve done nothing wrong here.
2) She is abusing you. I know your threat of divorce was just an emotional outburst, but maybe it should be more than that. You need to take a step back and ask yourself, is the way she’s treating you the way you would want someone to treat your new child in the future? And vice versa of course, look at how you treat her as well, but in this situation it seems pretty one-sided.
3) Keep the evidence of that physical abuse.
4) TELL THE FUCKING TRUTH AT THERAPY! Do NOT let her override you, do NOT let her lie to the therapist, and provide context for EVERYTHING she says.
I’ve done quite a bit of “you make me so incredibly happy” “the things you make me feel” I even went so far as to say something along the lines of “…but I can’t say the words I want to say until you do!” (I know pathetic) But the later was over text so I don’t expect him to say it over text for the first time. But your wording is great ! Thank you for the advice!
Did it occur to you that him saying “You sound sad” was his way of gauging to see if you're open to discussing what was wrong with your day? To give you a opening to reveal your issues without him feeling or seeming like he's being nosy?
He's not a mind reader. If you want to tell him your day sucked then tell him.
My husband doesn't pry if I don't tell him why I'm having a bad day. He knows that if I wanted him to know then I'd tell him. I'm an adult woman who doesn't need to be coddled or pressed to reveal what's wrong. If I have something to get off my chest, I tell him without getting him to fish for it. I suffer PTSD so most times, I don't want to talk about it. It's my choice to share what I do, just as it's yours.
Maybe he is concerned. Maybe he's not. Maybe he cares but doesn't want to ask in case you don't want to talk about it? Maybe you're right and he doesn't give a flying ducky.
Perhaps instead of observing and making assumptions on his apathy, you should communicate? You and him both. You're not at a zoo studying animal behaviours, you're in a relationship with a human being and need to be open with your communication and expectations, because he may not have been brought up like you have to press for answers when someone he cares about is hurting. And let's be honest here, a lot of men aren't exactly as emotionally mature as a lot of women, a lot have been taught to actively avoid emotional conversation, so they need some prompting in the right direction.
Point is, open up communication and tell him what's going on. You'll be able to see much more clearly if he cares or not.
Truly this sounds like I could have written this. Your post gave me some serious flashbacks. I shared it with my current partner and he told me that the similarities are uncanny. I am almost 2 years divorced at this point. It was hot. And the pictures and privacy invasion he has done to you make me so sick. I am sending you love and hoping for you and your kiddo to get away and have a much better future. You both deserve so much more.
Reach out to her
the fun part of life is, we are all entitled to live! it the way we want. no one needs to lighten up, you need mind your own business. at your big age you should know better than trying to get people to compromise on their values and beliefs. maybe try a hobby instead?
1) She is gaslighting you, and you’re starting to believe it. Stop apologizing to her so much. You’ve done nothing wrong here.
2) She is abusing you. I know your threat of divorce was just an emotional outburst, but maybe it should be more than that. You need to take a step back and ask yourself, is the way she’s treating you the way you would want someone to treat your new child in the future? And vice versa of course, look at how you treat her as well, but in this situation it seems pretty one-sided.
3) Keep the evidence of that physical abuse.
4) TELL THE FUCKING TRUTH AT THERAPY! Do NOT let her override you, do NOT let her lie to the therapist, and provide context for EVERYTHING she says.
Good luck OP.
OP, my family is going through the same thing. DM if you have any questions.
Hah, yes. I would get it if they were like 6 months or more in, doing it daily.
He's talking like a 50yo guy, not 30.
Id bet on some level he feels the age disconnect and its subconsciously making him feel older than he is.
I’ve done quite a bit of “you make me so incredibly happy” “the things you make me feel” I even went so far as to say something along the lines of “…but I can’t say the words I want to say until you do!” (I know pathetic) But the later was over text so I don’t expect him to say it over text for the first time. But your wording is great ! Thank you for the advice!
Come on, have some self respect and get out of that relationship
Get your mother involved with neighbours or some program that keeps her engaged with people. You can call her up regularly too.
Why are you marrying your sister though? Is it going to help with some documents or citizenship?
Did it occur to you that him saying “You sound sad” was his way of gauging to see if you're open to discussing what was wrong with your day? To give you a opening to reveal your issues without him feeling or seeming like he's being nosy?
He's not a mind reader. If you want to tell him your day sucked then tell him.
My husband doesn't pry if I don't tell him why I'm having a bad day. He knows that if I wanted him to know then I'd tell him. I'm an adult woman who doesn't need to be coddled or pressed to reveal what's wrong. If I have something to get off my chest, I tell him without getting him to fish for it. I suffer PTSD so most times, I don't want to talk about it. It's my choice to share what I do, just as it's yours.
Maybe he is concerned. Maybe he's not. Maybe he cares but doesn't want to ask in case you don't want to talk about it? Maybe you're right and he doesn't give a flying ducky.
Perhaps instead of observing and making assumptions on his apathy, you should communicate? You and him both. You're not at a zoo studying animal behaviours, you're in a relationship with a human being and need to be open with your communication and expectations, because he may not have been brought up like you have to press for answers when someone he cares about is hurting. And let's be honest here, a lot of men aren't exactly as emotionally mature as a lot of women, a lot have been taught to actively avoid emotional conversation, so they need some prompting in the right direction.
Point is, open up communication and tell him what's going on. You'll be able to see much more clearly if he cares or not.
Has he even mentioned leaving his partner for you or does he just want to cheat?
Truly this sounds like I could have written this. Your post gave me some serious flashbacks. I shared it with my current partner and he told me that the similarities are uncanny. I am almost 2 years divorced at this point. It was hot. And the pictures and privacy invasion he has done to you make me so sick. I am sending you love and hoping for you and your kiddo to get away and have a much better future. You both deserve so much more.
Might want to send an email (or letter) to your friend telling him that any distribution of those pictures will result in a lawsuit.