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saskiaken chat
Date: October 27, 2022
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Have you talked to your mutual friend? Maybe he knows what’s going on and you can tell him to stop bringing her around because she’s weirding you out
Oh, I didn't think of that when I wrote the comment! My bad, thank you for clarifying!
I don't hate men. I think men are great. It's you I don't like ❤️
I suspect sadly that a good chunk of what you've said is true.
What I will say, is I rather suspect it's more that his mother doesn't trust on-line banking. She's of a generation who are cynical and think it isn't safe. She's never had online banking and has had this arrangement with boyfriend's older siblings until each of them moved out, when she set it up with the next one.
I find it bizarre that she'd rather go all the way into town to the bank with his card than do a few seconds on online banking. We've had calls when we've been at my house, having to arrange money stuff. It's almost like she's helpless, akin to weaoonised incompetence with bills and banking, yet she's a grown woman who goes out to work every day.
He's been quite sheltered in his life by her and he doesn't seem bothered or
There is a difference between not being ready yet and not wanting to have sex at all. The first is something that is completely okay and if your boyfriend wasn't okay with waiting he wouldn't be the right person for you. You should never feel pressured but it's also okay for him to be ready already and have this desire. If the 'issue' is just being ready then you can do it in small steps. If for now you only like making out and maybe some touching over clothes then do just that. Maybe in a few weeks you're okay with taking off your clothes and doing it in underwear and a bit later you feel comfortable giving him a handjob, then after that you want to try letting him touch your vulva. In my opinion as long as there is some sort of progression it's fine. There is not fixed time by when you would need to progress of course it's just that if you have zero desire to do anything sexual with him ever then it's not really about readiness, but a massive difference in sexual compatibility. And this would be a reason to break up, because relationships don't work that way. You would feel pressured to do things you don't want and he would constantly feel rejected and undesired.
You're right, she didn't need to do that. But she already did. And after that, she asked to be transferred, is now working from home, and went to both couples and individual therapy. Now, do all those things not have merit? Don't those things prove that she chooses to commit to you? Does her telling her feelings to the guy erase all the other things that she has done ever since to prioritize you and commit to you?
he will not get 'better' after the baby arrives, there are stats to prove in fact he will be worse.
do you have to have this baby ? do you want to be tied to him forever? If you want to have the baby, try moving far far away before you have it.
He feels like he isnt “allowed” to be alone because I want to hang out like an hour a day minimum, seeing as we live in the same house (it's how we met). The more i nag, the more he pushes me away. The more he pushes me away, the more i nag. I just want him to want me and he doesnt. I've said we could just break up several times but he alwsys gets upset and says no, he loves me, etc.
If you want to break up you break up – he doesn't have to agree.
Spending some time together daily (since you live! in the same house) doesn't seem unreasonable, but if he wants to limit it each day that seems reasonable too.
It sounds like you both need some time and space to work on your mental health – perhaps a relationship is not a good idea for either of you right now.