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  1. So, you committed to a household obligation without communicating to the other head of household. I'd be pretty pissed as well.

  2. she felt that we were both very close and she saw me as a very good friend


    i never spoke to her

    we talk here and there

    we’ve never hung out outside school just me and her and only once with some other friends

    So then…why did she think that?

    It sounds like you barley interacted with her at all and she is all like “but I thought we were besties 😭”

    i sound like a dick too for not considering her a good friend when she did me

    Just because she was apparently under the misapprehension you had a close relationship doesn’t mean you need to feel bad you weren’t actually close

    Not sure you did anything wrong here tbh 😐

  3. There are no excuses for his behaviour, and you should seriously think whether you want to stay with him.

    HOWEVER, had you gone to classes, you would have not only put your health at risk, but also that of your classmates and professor, which is NOT OKAY. Why couldn't you do a zoom class and attend that way?

    Please please please do not go outside among other people when you're sick!

  4. I said he shouldn't wait a year, but a month and the pressure is too much.

    So because he has 20-30 years she has to make a decision about the rest of her life in a month?

  5. Your husband wanted you to watch him have sex, wanted to turn to you for flirty kisses or even sex; but for colleague to then get his attention back directly and resume their sex or perhaps for colleague and him to start to have sex with you or for him to watch you and colleague kissing +++. All to turn him on even more and then he could steal you back. Likewise her husband was meant to be a supportive role to make his wife feel more desired and turned on. And then you, not understanding any of this, and feeling uncomfortable with group sex had solo sex with the husband. You and your husband both have reason to feel upset, and you definitely need to let him know that this entire thing was deeply uncomfortable for you. Do not let his narrative that you were “into” the husband be the focus. It’s not; the miscommunication should be the focus of all conversations from here forward. You and the husband are absolutely not having an affair, and he’s acting like that’s what this is or why he should feel upset.

    I do think that the role playing should have been MUCH more defined…. After all, if this is such a turn on for your husband he should have enjoyed talking about how he imagined it going, in explicit fantasy detail followed by passionate love making because all that talk got him so turned on. And this should have happened several times to reassure you of your role and how to go forward (and to decide if you even wanted to go through with it) to reassure you of his loyalty etc. Talk to him about that, about how you were confused, uneducated, nervous as hell, and obviously more comfortable (at the time) with 1:1 sex; and since that seemed to be the “chosen activity” at the time, you tried to go with it with the husband. And that you fully expected/hoped that once the intimacy had been “reached“ by everyone (not just him and colleague), and once everyone had loosened up more that someone would have started a new sex game and you were absolutely open to give all of this a solid try FOR HIM.

  6. As someone who has OCD to the degree that I am considered fully disabled because of it and who inherited it from my mother: Your concerns are indeed very valid.

    And, you know, you did say that your ex, too, said before that the relationship was the best he ever had. But “the best I ever had” isn't the same as “amazing” or “good”. Like, let's say that someone was only in relationships which were full of physical abuse and then they find a partner who is “only” verbally abusive. That is, then, technically also “the best relationship they ever had”, but that doesn't mean that it's a good or healthy relationship in which they should stay.

    I mean, look at the relationship you described in your text:

    You weren't on the same page when it comes to children (and with children, there should never be a compromise, only enthusiastic agreement).

    He said that he would cheat on you if you were to stay together (aka do something that shows you have no respect for your partner whatsoever).

    You considered leaving him before.

    You considered opening the relationship because of different sexual needs, despite you clearly not wanting an open relationship.

    Both of you weren't great at communicating in general.

    Despite being aware of severe issues, neither of you suggested getting outside help (counselling) to fix matters.

    None of this sounds healthy. At all. And I also noticed that neither of you seems to have wanted to do any work at all. As in, your thought was “maybe I should just let him sleep with other women” instead of “I'm gonna try different meds” and he didn't even open his mouth and just let his resentment build up. It's like you were both completely passive and preferred a “I'm just gonna let this happen to me”-approach instead of actively doing anything at all.

    Relationships shouldn't be super-hard work. However, some work needs to be done regardless. But you two just sat around and let things fester until your relationship was rotting away – and like it is with, for example, rotting wood, you don't see it from the outside. You only notice it when you touch it and it crumbles away in your hand. No one touched anything, though. You both sat around forever, you not seeing what was rotting, and now he got up and touched the wood and you are shocked to see how it has fallen apart.

    Relationships need dedication and willingness to work on issues together as a team, but with effort from both sides. And when both partners want that, issues can be fixed – sometimes. Relationships require compromises, but sometimes, good compromises are impossible (“good” meaning that both are happy with the compromise and it's not a “well, I don't like it, but what can I do?”-feeling) and in some cases – like children – there shouldn't be any compromise, ever, at all. So sometimes, no matter the work being put in, the foundation of the relationship might just not be strong enough to last at all because of incompatibilities. And here, I really see a mixture of both – lack of work put in, but also incompatibilities. While the sexual incompatibility seems to stem from medication, the child-thing should likely have been a dealbreaker before this relationship even got anywhere in the beginning.

  7. Sorry that happened but it happens to the best of us. You had no reason to think that anyone could lie the way he did straight to your face. Sorry it turned out the way it did, but now you know that the guy you were with never really existed. He was living out a fantasy with you. Meanwhile, his wife is probably still with him and has been cheated on multiple times. If she was going through divorce proceedings, she probably would want to get more information about you. I would try not to get any more involved with them because you don't know what kind of relationship they have. It's possible that she has been through a constant cycle of cheating and lies with him for years, and who knows what that does to a person's psyche.

  8. I would just walk. She is already checking out. “We don't have much to talk about.” “Yeah cuz you are spending your energy on other guy.”

    I would say something like “Other guy wants to eat you? And your reply is hearts? Fuck you get the fuck out.”

  9. If you guys can’t communicate well enough to organize a wedding then perhaps you shouldn’t get married.

    You absolutely are dismissing his feelings, changing plans, and trying to rationalize it so that your “reasons” are more important than his.

    I’d suggest some couples counseling and put the wedding on hold.

  10. you don't actually need to buy anything. You can try out both locations and see what you each prefer.

  11. Op, how magical is that D?

    Truly you are worth more than that dude.

    Unless you actually really don’t care.

    I mean you’ve put up with the disrespect to you for however long. AND your bf bitching at you for cussing.

    I’d totally lean into cussing around this kids. If scolded I’d be like so what? This is who I am. You’re the dude dating me. Get over it.

    Seriously op. Find some new D. Do better to you.

  12. She probably wanted to break up already, and is just grasping at straws for a reason, instead of just saying she isn't into you.

    You don't have anything to apologize for, you tried your best to give her the space she wanted, she could have told you where she is going, and didn't, she can't expect you to know ahead of time. And if she had been interested in continuing the relationship would have laughed it up as a funny coincidence.

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