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make me wet…control the toy for snapchat …XOXOXO
Date: September 24, 2022
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I have been in a similar situation before. 5 year relationship that started in hs. I apologize if this is an incoherent mess because I am quite sleep deprived at the moment.
Let's rip the bandaid off now: you're bored. and that's okay.
I'll address the other minor red flags in a moment, but my advice for you being bored is don't blame it on anything else. It will be so tempting to point fingers at one particular pet peeve as a scape goat if you have a conversation with your bf and it gets uncomfortable.
Lots of couples get bored and considering that it is your first relationship, it sounds like things are going pretty well considering its codependent origins.
You're worried that if you don't settle down, you'll miss the boat and throw away a perfectly good partnership.
I also discovered that I am somewhat interested in other boys.
As for being attracted to other people, that's perfectly normal. You're gonna look at other people. Looking at other people does not make you a cheater. Being interested in other people does not make you a cheater. Heck enjoying the attention you get from a new person doesn't make you a cheater, even if you feel like the attention from your partner is not as special as it once was. Things have fizzled. It happens. And you sound like you don't want to fix something that's not broken – so let's look under the hood and make sure the engine is working.
don't feel much romance anymore, even though I actively try to incorporate this and have talked about it many times.
It also sounds like you tried to communicate how you feel to your partner at least once. How did this conversation go when you talked about it “many times?” You say that you are compatible partners, but maybe a communication piece is missing if your needs are still not being met.
To make thinks worse, I dream of moving abroad to my second home country after university. It something I never really allowed myself to think about prior but now realized that I really want to do it after my graduation in 2 years. My bf is not on board. He doesn't say a clear No, but that he doesn't really see himself moving away from his family. I understand him, he doesn't gain anything from moving while I gain a lot, having family and friends there. Some years ago I would never have considered moving without him. But now I feel like I should do it, that it's the right path for me, no matter what he wants.
You DREAM of moving abroad. this is your dream and your partner does not support it. You have family overseas.
This is the one true red flag.
So here's my advice: If you see this man (if you still see him as a boy from high school and not as a fully grown man in his 20s, you might be idealizing the boy you fell in love with in HS) as the adult you want to spend the rest of your life with, then provide an adult solution.
I would explain that it is your dream to move overseas and pursue your passion. It may also be worth it to work through your issues in couple's counseling. If you truly see a future with this man then that would be an investment in that future. If you ask for counseling and he refuses, then he is not as invested as you are. The key is to not be accusatory. Something as simple as “I want to pursue counseling because I am not happy and it would mean a lot to me if we could do this together.”
TL;DR – LTRs fizzle and that's normal – if you're bored, you're bored
– Address your communication issues
– Part of being your own person is pursuing your own passion;
– Offer couples counseling if you are ready for the long haul
Your boyfriend “screams at you” and calls you “delusional, psycho” and tells you he’s driving 3 hours to meet some rando female. He’s not empathetic regarding a SA. He has a dubious relationship with a girl who is blatantly rude to you. And you love him, why? Why do you think you should “get over” any of this?
“If she says no- do it anyways!”
It can absolutely be a negative thing. Some people don’t like and don’t want to wear it no matter what their partner thinks. Going against her wishes is rude at best.
You can try sometime in the future. NC doesn’t have to be forever. It just depends if she’s open to acknowledging her faults at some point. The circumstances of her anger are valid but not a reason to redirect it to you or the other living siblings. Hopefully therapy does something for her
Do you want to get better?
First off, no guy friends is a bit much. But if she agreed to it, that is on her. That being said, I don't know how you rebuild trust when she bold face lied about what she was doing and who she was with. And for a photoshoot? That seems sketchy as hell. You can probably guess where she has been for the last coule days. Blocking you on SM is just the icing on the cake to walk away from this mess. Drop off the pet, get your stuff and move on.
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My bf is American and I am English. We pronounce things differently. If he pronounces words differently, I assume it’s because it’s an American way of pronouncing things, but if I pronounce a word differently, he assumes I’m wrong and corrects me. He kept correcting me and it made me question my own intelligence, so I google how to pronounce a specific word and it ends up being just a difference between UK Vs USA pronunciation. It drives me crazy so I told him to stop assuming I’m wrong and make me question my intelligence.
Just today we were talking about methane. I pronounced it MEETHANE and he said it’s not pronounced MEETHANE is meHTHANE. It made me question my intelligence so I googled it and knew it was a difference (again) between UK Vs USA pronunciation. It just makes me so angry because he’s being patronising when he’s trying to correct me when he is wrong. If he wanted someone to pronounce things in an American way, he should be with an american and not a Brit.
How do I handle this? I’ve told him time and time again to stop trying to ‘correct’ me when he’s wrong when he tries since it’s a UK USA pronunciation difference, and I pointed out that in fact, I should be the one correcting him since English is from England. It just makes me feel sad that he assumes I’m stupid instead of just assuming it could be a pronunciation difference. How do I handle this? Thanks!
I mean it sounds like you’re enjoying the things she does FOR you. The fact that you’ve mentioned a couple of times that she “pays” for stuff is very suspicious. But in the same vain you say she “stalks you” and does “unhinged” things.
You need to decide if you’re with her because of the things she “pays” for. Or if you can actually see yourself in a long term relationship and potentially marrying this person. The longer you stay in this type of intense relationship, the harder it is to get out
This is not an unreasonable boundary. If maintaining a friendship with your ex is more important, then you should cut things off with your girlfriend now. If you want to continue the relationship, you need to explain this to your ex. Either way it’s probably going to be a sad conversation, but you need to choose which one you want more.
Being friends with ex-partners is not unhealthy. Neither is being no-contact with them.
Since it is a dealbreaker for you, leave. Please don't snoop through her phone (even if just to check notifications).
You accepted being a placeholder and made it work all these years. He came back to you because she didn’t want him. Now she does and he’s accepted her. Your marriage is already blown up and over. See a lawyer, just what is financially owed to you and then figure out how you will expose them.