Yikes. PTSD and trauma responses come to mind. I’m anxious af and live in a city like this…BUT if I was ever that close I would need to revisit my therapist, which I HATE to do. But that’s what I feel she needs and is her responses. Good on you for wanting to help her. ?
There's nothing to reconcile. You got into this mess because it's what other people wanted for you to “succeed”, and now you're afraid to correct your mistake and leave because of what other people will fell about it.
It's your life. Stop wasting your wife's time so you can both find people who share your life goals.
examples like this are really illustrative of a basic principle in life, that a situation can be unfair and wrong (this worker being lambasted for prior risque photoshoots) but still part of the social structure and thus something to take into consideration.
it's a fundamental part of adulthood to acknowledge that even through a principle exists, the reality is what affects your security (especially financially). well written
I mean he definitely has some issues having taken this to such an extreme when it seems like there was nothing going on. It’s also a little too convenient you found a list of his passwords like that. I agree with some of the other comments—you got and saw what he wanted you to, and he probably deleted everything he was hiding beforehand. Otherwise, there is no logical reason for him to have been acting like this. Though, even if nothing was going on it’s still a problem that he’s this paranoid and untrusting. At this rate it sounds like even if there was an emergency he wouldn’t let you use his phone. He could have signed into messenger for you, and sent the message for you, but instead later went out of his way to contact the homeowner on their vacation about their laptop password? He was insistent on inconveniencing and not helping you—his _partner_—and inconvenienced the homeowner, as well as put them in an uncomfortable position. If they know he has a laptop, etc they’re probably wondering wtf that was about as well. It’s important for people to have their own devices and privacy, but he’s taken it to a bizarre extreme that also isn’t healthy.
I believe you did the right thing in leaving to think about things, and I also agree that you should end the relationship. Yes, you violated his privacy, but there are also big issues with his behavior too. It might be past trauma on his part, or just plain incompatibility. Either way, it doesn’t sound like something worth diving into unless you’re serious about trying to fix things.
he isn't as emotionally tied to his city as I am to mine
Look, yes, you listed a few things, however, that doesn't mean that you're automatically more attached to your city and that he should move.
As you can see, I would rather live in my city.
You want to stay where you are, he wants to stay where he is….this could simply be an incompatibility.
At the same time I've commuted from my city to the Big city every day for 7 years and I don't see it as such a big deal
The older people get, the more they prefer NOT having to commute too much a day.
What do you guys think?
Sit down together and stop avoiding talking about the issue. Yes, it might be that you decide on breaking up, yes, you might find a compromise that works for BOTH of you (e.g. moving to a third city altogether).
If your dad doesn’t want to make a will due to choosing you and not your brother, he should probably just leave it all to a charity or set up a trust for grandchildren. Seems like you will still get 1/2 since you are co-owner. If he doesn’t make a will, you and brother will split it. I’d see an estate lawyer and use your own time to enjoy getting married.
“You will have access to a baby.” Wtf?
Yikes. PTSD and trauma responses come to mind. I’m anxious af and live in a city like this…BUT if I was ever that close I would need to revisit my therapist, which I HATE to do. But that’s what I feel she needs and is her responses. Good on you for wanting to help her. ?
There's nothing to reconcile. You got into this mess because it's what other people wanted for you to “succeed”, and now you're afraid to correct your mistake and leave because of what other people will fell about it.
It's your life. Stop wasting your wife's time so you can both find people who share your life goals.
examples like this are really illustrative of a basic principle in life, that a situation can be unfair and wrong (this worker being lambasted for prior risque photoshoots) but still part of the social structure and thus something to take into consideration.
it's a fundamental part of adulthood to acknowledge that even through a principle exists, the reality is what affects your security (especially financially). well written
I mean he definitely has some issues having taken this to such an extreme when it seems like there was nothing going on. It’s also a little too convenient you found a list of his passwords like that. I agree with some of the other comments—you got and saw what he wanted you to, and he probably deleted everything he was hiding beforehand. Otherwise, there is no logical reason for him to have been acting like this. Though, even if nothing was going on it’s still a problem that he’s this paranoid and untrusting. At this rate it sounds like even if there was an emergency he wouldn’t let you use his phone. He could have signed into messenger for you, and sent the message for you, but instead later went out of his way to contact the homeowner on their vacation about their laptop password? He was insistent on inconveniencing and not helping you—his _partner_—and inconvenienced the homeowner, as well as put them in an uncomfortable position. If they know he has a laptop, etc they’re probably wondering wtf that was about as well. It’s important for people to have their own devices and privacy, but he’s taken it to a bizarre extreme that also isn’t healthy.
I believe you did the right thing in leaving to think about things, and I also agree that you should end the relationship. Yes, you violated his privacy, but there are also big issues with his behavior too. It might be past trauma on his part, or just plain incompatibility. Either way, it doesn’t sound like something worth diving into unless you’re serious about trying to fix things.
he isn't as emotionally tied to his city as I am to mine
Look, yes, you listed a few things, however, that doesn't mean that you're automatically more attached to your city and that he should move.
As you can see, I would rather live in my city.
You want to stay where you are, he wants to stay where he is….this could simply be an incompatibility.
At the same time I've commuted from my city to the Big city every day for 7 years and I don't see it as such a big deal
The older people get, the more they prefer NOT having to commute too much a day.
What do you guys think?
Sit down together and stop avoiding talking about the issue. Yes, it might be that you decide on breaking up, yes, you might find a compromise that works for BOTH of you (e.g. moving to a third city altogether).
If your dad doesn’t want to make a will due to choosing you and not your brother, he should probably just leave it all to a charity or set up a trust for grandchildren. Seems like you will still get 1/2 since you are co-owner. If he doesn’t make a will, you and brother will split it. I’d see an estate lawyer and use your own time to enjoy getting married.
That is such a cop out
That explain a lot, I’m not bored with him. When we stay home and not do anything I feel anxious and just overthink.
Adults over a couple days just making out? Means they fucked. Do more investigation. Check conversations. Even confront this other guy.
wondering why she is still even in your phone after 4 years NC?