Yes people do change for the better. I grew up in the age where nearly everyone in my town used racist epitaphs like they breathe air. I used them as they seemed to be the normal thing to do as everyone else was using them. Then I found out about racism and it ended right there.
How you will deal with his family may be tough, and hopefully he'll not allow their ignorance and hatred to cause you problems.
This friend of hers is sus. Going over to some other guys place when you two are having relationship issues… may possibly be innocent, sure, but it's also exactly what people who cheat do.
Her behavior isn't suitable for public anyway. Will it be a child-free wedding or not? I know a lot of people prefer to have destination weddings be child-free so that may be a reason for her not to come anyway as a single mother. Regardless, not wanting to deal with the embarrassment and stress of having your SIL meltdown and have zero control over herself means she has no business at a wedding anyway.
Someone is going to be way more insightful than me and will have better advice for your specific situation, but I just want to ask one question: what exactly is the plan with hiding him from your family? It's your own future you're getting in the way of to protect your parents from your reality, which seems unfair to you and him really.
When I mean by “opening up”, I mean to communicate with me about his thoughts and feelings. If he’s been feeling down I want him to communicate that with me, or about his days. He usually replied back with one word answers or maybe a couple words. He doesn’t talk about his feelings or thoughts a lot and I’ve been really patient, I haven’t nagged for an answer, I’ve been really affectionate to him, and listening to him talk about work or games.
How tf can you say this out of a private note that he wrote in what was clearly a moment of self analysis? Don't never ever have the slightest negative thought about who you care about? This does not mean that you wouldn't literally die for them.
If you take somebody's toughts out of context you will get hurt at some point.
The context is the point. The guy wrote the note for himself, somebody who knows the context perfectly, who can understand the true meaning of each word.
Actually the existence of such note is a clear sign of being mature, as he is dealing with everything he feels, with the perspective of spending the rest of his life with OP.
Being immature would be avoiding his own toughts and eventually having to face them in the future.
Idk for the first thing, and I just checked and she was in the hotel room on her laptop. Idk why they're doing this, and my sister was their first choice, but she couldn't get off work, so she couldn't go. I hope not, because her friends weren't really my type even before this whole framing thing.
I can’t imagine being in a situation where I’m picking someone up from their house, and if they weren’t quite ready, I don’t go inside to wait. And yell friendly banter from the comfort of their couch about how long they take to get ready
You're trying to go away from the pudge. You can't get overnight abs. Embrace it, shake your ass good. You might look a little funny, you'll definitely feel silly, and she might laugh a bit. And what better than to share that with the woman you love? Also definitely baby oil. I'm kind of picture you as Glamor Shot George Costanza.
Just read your update, and I am beyond thankful that your wife did the right thing by telling you it was over and kicking you out. I'm glad your parents are disgusted by you because you are an awful, pathetic excuse for a human being. I hope your ex-wife finds a man who is a trillion times better than you and loves her the way she deserves and loves her children the way they deserve, as well as being an amazing example of what a real man acts like, especially when no one is watching.
Sadly you are right. He just chose something of it over my graduation ceremony, where i wanted him to be a part of a tradition we have. I feel devastated. I was in an abusive relationship before and one of the things that happened was i was last in everything. I'm not in one rn but this triggers and breaks me. I don't want us to break up, but i also don't know if i can keep up with not being a priority
People don't just decide to stop taking care of themselves. Something is going on.
I say this as someone in a happy, healthy long-term relationship and as a relationship coach: what you're doing is not “tackling the difficult conversations.” Calling your partner lazy and disgusting will never fix the issue. You can approach difficult conversations with compassion and care, which from your post and replies, you clearly have not done.
You can try to understand what's going on with your partner and be there to support her, or you can choose to think of her as lazy and disgusting. Which one do you think is going to give you the results you're hoping for?
So interestingly, I just came back from Thailand. I was staying with my friend and his wife. They on-line in the middle of Bangkok.
There's a lot to see there! There's so much culture around and amazing landscapes. And the food is just otherworldly I had an ethereal out of body experience, so damn delicious. We flew out to Chiang Mai for like £50 return inc hotel. Rented motorbikes and just rode around the mountainside stopping off to check out the sights. It's a gorgeous country. Flew back and the same day we rented a car and drove 3hrs to the dock and ferried over to this amazing island, clear green ocean, pure white sand, more crabs than a London clap clinic. I had a nice wallet made and all.
All I'm saying is your dad might have good intentions especially if he's a foodie (nghhh god I want to go back so bad). That being said, if he returns and his camera roll isn't full of nature and food or is empty and he has little stories to tell, I'm sorry to tell you…
Anecdotely: First night my friend was working so his wife took me to a restaurant and as we turned one corner she was like are you ready? I was like for what? She started power walking away and suddenly I was swarmed by ladies emerging from a row of shops. She was just laughing while I was like wtf do I do. They were all giggly and started saying to her “we don't want him we want you honey” we laughed and went for dinner. They seemed fairly giggly and non trafficked. Could be a large dose of cope or could not be but either way a surreal experience
I’m really sorry you’re going through this. You don’t deserve it. It will take time, but one day you’ll feel freer for having cut off this person.
Yes people do change for the better. I grew up in the age where nearly everyone in my town used racist epitaphs like they breathe air. I used them as they seemed to be the normal thing to do as everyone else was using them. Then I found out about racism and it ended right there.
How you will deal with his family may be tough, and hopefully he'll not allow their ignorance and hatred to cause you problems.
He didn’t want to hurt you. He didn’t think it would make a difference. He f’d up and he knows it. FIL is equally a piece a crap imo
This friend of hers is sus. Going over to some other guys place when you two are having relationship issues… may possibly be innocent, sure, but it's also exactly what people who cheat do.
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Her behavior isn't suitable for public anyway. Will it be a child-free wedding or not? I know a lot of people prefer to have destination weddings be child-free so that may be a reason for her not to come anyway as a single mother. Regardless, not wanting to deal with the embarrassment and stress of having your SIL meltdown and have zero control over herself means she has no business at a wedding anyway.
I’d wait after the exam periods. She could jeopardize her whole life if she knows right now . As for sti I think waiting a month is ok.
Someone is going to be way more insightful than me and will have better advice for your specific situation, but I just want to ask one question: what exactly is the plan with hiding him from your family? It's your own future you're getting in the way of to protect your parents from your reality, which seems unfair to you and him really.
I wish you the best!
Sorry – I did not pay attention to the ages of the 'parents'. Excellent points from you all together.
When I mean by “opening up”, I mean to communicate with me about his thoughts and feelings. If he’s been feeling down I want him to communicate that with me, or about his days. He usually replied back with one word answers or maybe a couple words. He doesn’t talk about his feelings or thoughts a lot and I’ve been really patient, I haven’t nagged for an answer, I’ve been really affectionate to him, and listening to him talk about work or games.
How tf can you say this out of a private note that he wrote in what was clearly a moment of self analysis? Don't never ever have the slightest negative thought about who you care about? This does not mean that you wouldn't literally die for them.
If you take somebody's toughts out of context you will get hurt at some point.
The context is the point. The guy wrote the note for himself, somebody who knows the context perfectly, who can understand the true meaning of each word.
Actually the existence of such note is a clear sign of being mature, as he is dealing with everything he feels, with the perspective of spending the rest of his life with OP.
Being immature would be avoiding his own toughts and eventually having to face them in the future.
Idk for the first thing, and I just checked and she was in the hotel room on her laptop. Idk why they're doing this, and my sister was their first choice, but she couldn't get off work, so she couldn't go. I hope not, because her friends weren't really my type even before this whole framing thing.
I can’t imagine being in a situation where I’m picking someone up from their house, and if they weren’t quite ready, I don’t go inside to wait. And yell friendly banter from the comfort of their couch about how long they take to get ready
You're trying to go away from the pudge. You can't get overnight abs. Embrace it, shake your ass good. You might look a little funny, you'll definitely feel silly, and she might laugh a bit. And what better than to share that with the woman you love? Also definitely baby oil. I'm kind of picture you as Glamor Shot George Costanza.
Just read your update, and I am beyond thankful that your wife did the right thing by telling you it was over and kicking you out. I'm glad your parents are disgusted by you because you are an awful, pathetic excuse for a human being. I hope your ex-wife finds a man who is a trillion times better than you and loves her the way she deserves and loves her children the way they deserve, as well as being an amazing example of what a real man acts like, especially when no one is watching.
I just feel like she should have been able to come back to where I was sitting or continue to say no. IDK. Thanks for your advice though
Sadly you are right. He just chose something of it over my graduation ceremony, where i wanted him to be a part of a tradition we have. I feel devastated. I was in an abusive relationship before and one of the things that happened was i was last in everything. I'm not in one rn but this triggers and breaks me. I don't want us to break up, but i also don't know if i can keep up with not being a priority
I feel like he is wrong tho bc asking for a paternity test is literally accusing someone of sleeping with an entirely different man
Exactly. I wish I had Reddit strangers telling me not to be stupid and I wouldn't have wasted almost three years of my life believing in fairy tales.
People don't just decide to stop taking care of themselves. Something is going on.
I say this as someone in a happy, healthy long-term relationship and as a relationship coach: what you're doing is not “tackling the difficult conversations.” Calling your partner lazy and disgusting will never fix the issue. You can approach difficult conversations with compassion and care, which from your post and replies, you clearly have not done.
You can try to understand what's going on with your partner and be there to support her, or you can choose to think of her as lazy and disgusting. Which one do you think is going to give you the results you're hoping for?
People shouldn't drink alcohol at noon and around children, anyway.
So interestingly, I just came back from Thailand. I was staying with my friend and his wife. They on-line in the middle of Bangkok.
There's a lot to see there! There's so much culture around and amazing landscapes. And the food is just otherworldly I had an ethereal out of body experience, so damn delicious. We flew out to Chiang Mai for like £50 return inc hotel. Rented motorbikes and just rode around the mountainside stopping off to check out the sights. It's a gorgeous country. Flew back and the same day we rented a car and drove 3hrs to the dock and ferried over to this amazing island, clear green ocean, pure white sand, more crabs than a London clap clinic. I had a nice wallet made and all.
All I'm saying is your dad might have good intentions especially if he's a foodie (nghhh god I want to go back so bad). That being said, if he returns and his camera roll isn't full of nature and food or is empty and he has little stories to tell, I'm sorry to tell you…
Anecdotely: First night my friend was working so his wife took me to a restaurant and as we turned one corner she was like are you ready? I was like for what? She started power walking away and suddenly I was swarmed by ladies emerging from a row of shops. She was just laughing while I was like wtf do I do. They were all giggly and started saying to her “we don't want him we want you honey” we laughed and went for dinner. They seemed fairly giggly and non trafficked. Could be a large dose of cope or could not be but either way a surreal experience