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Sophia, , ¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬, y.o.
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Date: October 12, 2022
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Even if you're not sure about completely ending the relationship, at the very least cancel the wedding.
If she showed any remorse or guilt after the first time she:
Wouldn't have done it several times over the course of a month Waited over a year to tell you Only told you because the AP was threatening to. If the AP didn't force her to come clean, would she have ever told you? I doubt it.
If you forgive her, she'll take it as a 'I can continue to cheat because you're still with me, and therefore fine with it'.
imo, the relationship is done. You deserve to be with someone who actually values you as a person and respects and loves you enough to not cheat on you in the first place.
Keep you dignity and walk away. Best of luck.
Nah. Netherlands is in short supply of houses and plenty of roommates to be found. You only beg for someone to be your roommate if they have the house lol.
Ah, fair enough.
People can give all the advice in the world, but if she’s no longer open to working on it with you then it’s over.
I’m not sure why the therapist thought the idea of dividing based on time/effort was an odd idea. That’s how I divided chores for my step kids. They negotiated which chores and swapped each week but had to have equal “time”.
Anyway…I WFH, work longer hours, and make a lot more money than my partner who works FT outside the house.
I still do the menu planning, grocery shop, most of the cooking, all laundry but his though I sometimes do his too, and I do most of the cleaning.
Because I’m home, I can keep laundry going. Because I’m home, I can do some meal prep between meetings or vacuum for a few min.
I spend my Sat morning doing the menu, shop, and major cleaning. During the week, I do the minor upkeep and cooking.
If my partner’s kiddo has to stay home sick or remote school like for quarantine, I take care of that.
I am all for trying to keep things equal where it makes sense. It just doesn’t always make sense. In your case, I don’t think it’s going to work if your partner has a really strict day and also has to do homeschool stuff.
Life isn’t always “fair”. And you two are a team. All the shit has to get done. If you can get more done so you have more free time together? That’s what I’d do. That’s what I (44F) AM doing.
Girl you've never been over weight at all. I find it very worrying he's so fixated on your weight. I thought you said he was very kind and thoughtful, he doesn't sound it . I don't think he's actually going to leave you , I think it's all about control and mind games . It's been going on that long , you think he's amazing and it's you in the wrong and letting him down. If he loved you why would that amount of weight matter. He's probably security pissed you've managed to lose some weight . God help h if you do get some confidence. I pray all this doesn't lead you to having a ED .
You’re very good and very scared!
She said I am having a sleepover with my friend and we are going to go into a room and lock the door?
This is why you should have security cameras in your house.
He’s 27, he’s old enough not to treat you like a sex doll. Please block him back so that when you’re inevitably unblocked (he’s trying to manipulate you) he won’t get his satisfaction. This is where you guys break up, Ik you’re going through a lot with your mom but itd be a lot better to deal with alone than with a child who can’t handle you saying no to sex.
I find it very weird that they're still focused on her. Yes, she broke up with my boyfriend after she cheated on him.
Agreed. We are already looking at counseling. Hopefully it resolves these issues!
The person who said you are part of creepy old dude’s harem is correct. Don’t see what you are getting out of this mess.
The advice I gave her was to give him time.
I didn't say “go tell him to get over it”. That will obviously make matters worse.
I told her be normal and leave him be.
Yep I did! Thanks for highlighting – will delete.
I was the first one who talked to him. And..maybe yes
Listen to your friends. They are able to see the situation more objectively. This man has had 9 extra years of life experience compared to you. At 20, that's a big deal. I'm not saying he intends to be a predator/creep/whatever, but if he knows you're only 20 and he's fine with continuing a serious relationship, yikes. Leave now while you're still on friendly terms.
Alright… Do you think she is worth the investment for your time?
If you say yes to that, you are not being honest.
Your answer to that question is here:
I may need to talk to other people because she isn’t ready I still like her and enjoy my time around her, but I feel like I am limiting myself.
Sometimes, you meet people who you connect with, but they're just not ready for a full time reletionship. There is nothing you can do about it. Your only option is to accept their position and work at their pace, or check out. You cannot force things that are not there.
However… if you meet someone whose not ready. At minimum, you need them to be capable of offering you these little bits:
We have agreed to be exclusive.
This indicates there is genuine interest in the development.
Why do people take this step? Because it is a stepping stone into a reletionship. It is a pace that makes someone capable of existing in the connection. It adds a layer, but not the entire load. It makes it feel more manageable, easing into the reletionship.
Its true, there isn't much difference between official and exclusive. All this is doing is making it subconsciously lighter, less intimidating to someone.
And here you are… telling her that you might need to go elsewhere and feel like you're limiting yourself. You want your prize here and now, but not willing to be patient for it.
Do you want to be with her or not? Plain and simple. Yes or no.
No? Then check the out. Stop wasting each-others time.
Yes? Then accept her dam pace of things. Its working for you two. She's showing progress. If your end goal is to have a reletionship with her, who gives a fuck about how long it takes. It will make zero difference long term. Working at her pace demonstrates a deeper understanding of her as a person.
So, I will ask you again… Do you think she is worth the investment for your time?
If she is worth it to you, do not hurt her by saying things like this:
I may need to talk to other people because she isn’t ready I still like her and enjoy my time around her, but I feel like I am limiting myself.
Instead you tell her you appreciate her and want to work with her to get to the end goal. Whatever pace she wants, you accept.
I mean…huh? What? You’re actually defending this? Just like incredible stuff.
Leave her, then buy the house and seek primary custody.
She told you in private, not in front of everyone. That is hardly making it about herself. She was likely telling you so that you would know why she wasn't drinking.
It should be an email to begin with. Gender reveal dumb AF. Nobody cares what the sex of the baby is, just hoping baby is healthy. Period.
Thanks for your response. That’s how I tried to explain it to him but he is unwilling to listen or accept the terms we initially agreed upon. I’m unsure if he has any legal recourse (or if I do). I’m just afraid what he will do to keep the cats. I don’t want to leave one let alone 3 but wanted to be fair.
Is it really a that big of a “rewire”? If you want to make change for your partner then that isn't impossible right?
So he should get everyone who's gonna be somewhere?
Also he says elsewhere that they weren't at the party but just passing by. Can't control that shit.
Document everything and report him to HR. You need to make the first move because that's just how HR works. They will fire one of you eventually. You need to go to HR with proof that he is harrassing you.
Definitely married or just a whole catfish messing with OP for shits and giggles.
Also why in the everloving name is this called dating?
This man shows u no affection OP he can't call u…
Probs because he has a wife and kids same reason he can't meet u until his wife and kids leave off somewhere.
This isn't a relationship sorry.. cut ur losses and block him.
And the “every time she asks” just makes me roll my eyes. How about planning a date yourself? How about bringing her flowers without her having to ask?
It sounds like you both have a lot to work on, counseling or therapy may help you both through this and I think you should look into it for yourself due to your anxiety / avoidance issues. You've gotta stand up for yourself!
That being said, it sounds like she's feeling the burden of having kids while you're taking day trips and talking for hours with not-your-wife, making her feel left out and, yes, cheated on.
I hope you learn your lesson about lying from this. It might get out out of telling an uncomfortable truth when you do it, but how much worse is the fallout from the lie? You could lose your relationship over this. Next time you have to tell the truth. And if you're constantly feeling like you have to lie to your partner there are bigger issues – either with what your doing (you lie because you know it's wrong and have to hide it) or her reaction (only if it truly is over the top and you want to avoid a conflict).
Trust is earned.
You people are so funny. Think of one thing that you would never eat and then think how you would feel to be constantly hounded to just try it. I like to eat liver/hearts/brains/feet/tongues of pigs and cows. But somehow, that's yuck for many. But I should like sea food. Or I should like spice filled food. I'm not talking about nude food. Ginger, as a spice, is yuck to me, and I'm guessing no one would call that a nude spice.
And I will not be trying new foods. Especially at the restaurants. That's a waste of money. It's not like I won't have to pay for it just because I don't like it.
It sounds like you both want different things in life – and that this relationship has run its course.
Wow… just, wow.
LOL this is the best comment I've ever seen about this I think
You tell him what you're feeling. You let him know why you're being distant/different.
Partners support eachother. Either he can decide to stay with you, support you, and understand the dynamic change, or he can decide it's too much and leave.
Or you decide that right now isnt the time for you to be in a relationship and you split. Figure out yourself and attempt to reconnect in the future. Up to him if he wants to or not. The important thing is that you aren't stringing him along.
Other women: Get therapy
She's just not into you.