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Nah, it's not like that. There are plenty of rich people out there that aren't so obtuse. It has nothing to do with if they ever struggled or not. Some have been rich for generations as far as their family tree goes, and would never invite their partner for christmas and expected them to pay. It's called class, sorry to say your boyfriend doesn't have it.
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I guess that behavior worked for him somehow growing up so it became a part of how he reacts. That type of pattern is very naked to get rid of as an adult. For most people, it probably requires therapy over a long period of time. And some just can't get rid of it, ever. It's stuck.
I guess you could try having a conversation about how you guys can address problems with each other, that are less likely to lead to fights and hurt feelings. Maybe he will have some input as to how you can tell him things where he doesn't regress to a 6 year old.
At some point you have to realize talking, suggesting, peace meddling just doesn't work and move on, though. I don't know whether that's the case for you or not. I don't know what you mean he's “caring”, some people ave very low standards to what a caring person is. Saying hi with a smile, give a hug or compliment and saying “you can do it” to everything is minimum effort tier. Some even do those simple things to pretend they are more supportive and caring than they really are. They do the little things so they don't have to do the big things.
I thought I'd side with you but after reading the post, you don't seem to have much respect for this guy. Anything he does looks like it's boring to you unless he makes money off of it. You both probably need to find people who are more on par with your individual values.
Nah I honestly found the adoration annoying. I mostly just miss the mundane stuff… shooting the shit, inside jokes, etc. Normal friend stuff.
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My boyfriend of 3 years wants me to “adjust” to his parents living with us for months at a time
My boyfriend (26M) and I (28F) are working professionals and have been living together for 3 years in a city in Australia where we met as students. We are both from different parts of India.
A few months ago, his parents arrived from India to online with us. I was excited to make an impression and went out of my way to make them feel comfortable. They were nice to me in the beginning and I enjoyed our conversations, but some of their demands soon started to make me feel queasy in my own home. 1) They were uncomfortable with my boyfriend and I sleeping together in the same room, resulting in my boyfriend having to camp out in the living room for two whole months 2) The mother taking over the kitchen and excluding me from grocery shopping even after requests to include me, resulting in me having zero control over my own kitchen 3) Not acknowledging me as his girlfriend in front of friends 4) Not offering to help with cleaning and general upkeep 5) Rearranging furniture multiple times inspite of being requested not to 6) The father expressing his concern over me not helping his wife in the kitchen (which was not true) 7) The parents giving credits to my boyfriend and thanking him instead of me on multiple occasions even when they knew he was not involved in planning or execution of dinner parties/trips/general outings etc 8) The last straw – the father feeling “uncomfortable” that I wore a short dress at home. He did apologise later when I ended up crying about this but insisted that these are the “values” him and his family have been brought up with
I suppose my issue is not that his parents are not very nice to me, but that my boyfriend who has been nothing short of ideal all the years I've known him, seems to not acknowledge any of these as real issues and did not stand up for me when his father had an issue with the dress I wore once. All of my concerns are either dismissed with “So what? They're guests. We have to make them feel comfortable” or “My parents are traditional and there's nothing wrong with his mentality”. Not once has my boyfriend refused a compliment from his parents that I rightfully deserved, but insists that he did when I wasn't around.
The parents left to India after spending three months here and I moved to another city in Australia for a job shortly after that. I see my boyfriend every month for a couple of days, alternating between the two cities. My long distance relationship with my boyfriend has been great for the four months that we've been living apart. However, a couple days back, my boyfriend hit me with “my parents are visiting in May again for a couple months”
I am shocked that my boyfriend wouldn't consult me or warn me before their flight tickets were booked. It has triggered the concerns I previously had – I am treated like an outsider and that my boyfriend doesn't take a stand for me since he's too scared to speak to his parents. When I voiced these concerns, they were again swatted away with “but they are my parents!”. I was also told that these visits will be frequent and I HAVE to be okay with this when I move back in with him.
I am being asked to give up my privacy and personal space for months every year. Not to mention the fact that I am now very self conscious around his father, given him feeling “uncomfortable” about what I wear. I want to make it clear here that I would never ask my boyfriend to stop his parents from visiting us for a few weeks once a year or so. But I'm afraid 2-3 months will take a toll on me.
How do I make my boyfriend understand that it's wrong that he doesn't take my needs into consideration and stand up for me when needed?