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  1. If she’s saying she wants to work it out then she needs to put work in to get there, which for you is communicating, and if she’s not willing to do that then you have your answer. Have you suggested therapy? Maybe that would be a safer space for her to open up. The double standards are unfair and worth noting, if she can’t see that it’s a one way street for what you’re allowed to do vs what she’s allowed to do you’re not going to get much traction and it goes back to the inequality that’s seems to be the theme of the whole relationship. It’s hard but you can’t make someone be someone they’re not even no matter how very hot you try.

  2. Hello /u/anonymousaccount1689,

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  3. It is so important to live with the person before you get married.

    It’s not about stacking plates, it’s about an approach to life, home, free time… how one handles conflict when you are living with the person you have a conflict with.

    If you think your boyfriend is so petty to break up with you over plates, why are you with him? That’s quite a low opinion to have about someone.

  4. As an Asian woman raised by her mother (with two other siblings, one of whom is my brother) while my father was an abusive alcoholic and passed away when i was young – i legit am fuming and hanging my head in shame at this misogyny dished out to your daughter under the garb of culture.

    I suggest you stop looking for fault in your daughter, stop trying to find a mental illness to blame her behaviour, stop using the crutch of “culture” for all your bad and unfair decisions, stop wallowing in your self-pitious narrative that “i did everything for my children”, and learn something from your own daughter – you can't force people to do what you want, you can't force people to accept your apology and if you don't have support, then you become self reliant.

    You have laid your own bed. Your daughter is not to be blamed. You need to figure how to continue sleeping in the bed you have made for yourself.

    Your daughter is not a psychopath, she is not Americanized, her husband isn't influencing her, she isn't ungrateful. She is clear in her head that she owes you nothing, everything she has achieved is on her own while all you have done is judge her and be unsupportive. She is simply cutting off the parasite (you) from her life.

    You, on the other hand, are an absolute narcissist. You are constantly going on about “me, me, me” and absolutely in denial about what your daughter went through. Trauma doesn't mean she is a psychopath, trauma means she has been hurt horribly emotionally. You are constantly making everything about yourself, you only have pity or sympathy for yourself, your decisions, your “sacrifices” and your situation. You seem to be completely blind to how this kind of childhood would have affected your daughter. You only seem to see your daughter as a means to either manage things that you were supposed to or for money. You have always prioritised yourself and your reasons, been unfair and emotionally abusive to her when she was a child, and only see yourself as a martyr. You need psychological help, not your daughter.

    Whatever you did for your children is not an obligation on them so stop expecting any returns for it in your old age.

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