Fear of regret or feeling dirty likely has nothing to do with the divorce and everything to do with trauma. So, I’ll amend my answer to this – when you feel emotionally secure with yourself. If you aren’t already, I’d recommend getting into therapy to work through the trauma of your abusive relationship. Unfortunately there isn’t much of a quick fix here, but as you start to work through the trauma you should start to have less fears of regret and feeling dirty (though it’s possible they remain, some people have general sexual shame issues so might be worth looking into that too!)
I don’t care that your dad “lives in a different state”, unless that is a euphemism for in jail or another state of being that is out of phase with this universe, he needs to get his big boy pants on & help! Your sister is in or heading to a crisis!
Please learn your crisis options for when your sister has an episode that is dangerous to herself or others. I know she’d never harm a fly – if she was stable- but she’s not & you need to prepare yourself with what resources are available to her.
I’m not talking smack about mentally ill people, but paranoid added on to whatever psychosis she has is really bad.
Like letting your child starve rather than feed her something you didn’t see prepared or drink milk from a cup from a Starbucks because it wasn’t a sealed bottle. Or leaving your 1 year old kid in a stroller on a sidewalk (in a scary part of town) so you can take your infant into an apartment to assault your boyfriend with the soft headed infant in your arms.
Or thinking your baby is a clone meant to replace you, so you cut off your own arm & then try multiple times to kill your baby. Then later stabbing your step dad because he might have eaten your hamburger (which he’d probably poisoned anyway).
Or finding a knife & stabbing someone because it was there & the voices told you to.
All of these are real examples. So yeah, it doesn’t happen in every situation, but being on appropriate medication can prevent a lot & in the meantime you need an appropriate response prepared in case she has a bad episode.
Your precious sister is still in there, you might see her again once she’s effectively medicated (which can take awhile).
In terms of your relationship…. Even once your sister is stable, or even in care, you will get middle of the night phone calls, you might find yourself in the car trolling neighborhoods to try & spot her on the streets. Is this something your fiancé could handle once you’ve stopped financially supporting your sister? This is your life unless you completely cut your sister off in every way (which I’m not advocating for).
It might be more than divorce area here. These women, who share the pictures, probably will feel violated if they know who he actually is. For me is it is the behavior that crosses the line.
Male fertility doesn't drop in their 40s. Not to the extent of taking your odds. Genrrally, the quality of sperm decreases, but even an 80-year-old can become a father.
A person that knowingly has HIV must tell their current or future partners. It is the law. His doctor never told that to him.
Also, it is illegal to knowingly pass on any STI without first disclosing it to your sexual partner.
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Fear of regret or feeling dirty likely has nothing to do with the divorce and everything to do with trauma. So, I’ll amend my answer to this – when you feel emotionally secure with yourself. If you aren’t already, I’d recommend getting into therapy to work through the trauma of your abusive relationship. Unfortunately there isn’t much of a quick fix here, but as you start to work through the trauma you should start to have less fears of regret and feeling dirty (though it’s possible they remain, some people have general sexual shame issues so might be worth looking into that too!)
I don’t care that your dad “lives in a different state”, unless that is a euphemism for in jail or another state of being that is out of phase with this universe, he needs to get his big boy pants on & help! Your sister is in or heading to a crisis!
Please learn your crisis options for when your sister has an episode that is dangerous to herself or others. I know she’d never harm a fly – if she was stable- but she’s not & you need to prepare yourself with what resources are available to her.
I’m not talking smack about mentally ill people, but paranoid added on to whatever psychosis she has is really bad.
Like letting your child starve rather than feed her something you didn’t see prepared or drink milk from a cup from a Starbucks because it wasn’t a sealed bottle. Or leaving your 1 year old kid in a stroller on a sidewalk (in a scary part of town) so you can take your infant into an apartment to assault your boyfriend with the soft headed infant in your arms.
Or thinking your baby is a clone meant to replace you, so you cut off your own arm & then try multiple times to kill your baby. Then later stabbing your step dad because he might have eaten your hamburger (which he’d probably poisoned anyway).
Or finding a knife & stabbing someone because it was there & the voices told you to.
All of these are real examples. So yeah, it doesn’t happen in every situation, but being on appropriate medication can prevent a lot & in the meantime you need an appropriate response prepared in case she has a bad episode.
Your precious sister is still in there, you might see her again once she’s effectively medicated (which can take awhile).
In terms of your relationship…. Even once your sister is stable, or even in care, you will get middle of the night phone calls, you might find yourself in the car trolling neighborhoods to try & spot her on the streets. Is this something your fiancé could handle once you’ve stopped financially supporting your sister? This is your life unless you completely cut your sister off in every way (which I’m not advocating for).
It might be more than divorce area here. These women, who share the pictures, probably will feel violated if they know who he actually is. For me is it is the behavior that crosses the line.
grass is greener syndrome
if you jump, you might find that you went from the frying pan into the fire
I would absolutely dump him and then also Inform the girls in that group chat that they were in there so they can block all these wired ass dudes.
Male fertility doesn't drop in their 40s. Not to the extent of taking your odds. Genrrally, the quality of sperm decreases, but even an 80-year-old can become a father.
Get abortion. You have a whole life ahead of you.
Tell her soon and explain why. This is not a thing to get upset about. Finances can be uncertain when you're young.
Abusive, unfaithful, narcissistic and controlling
I'm impressed by how out all women you managed to find this lady and go as far as marrying her.
Dayum!!
Because abusers like to isolate you from your support systems – YOUR friends and family.