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Date: October 6, 2022
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Your bf is abusive and blaming everything on his ex. Just look at his behaviour. By staying you are letting your son think that this type of behaviour is alright. Walking away is okay. It let's your son know that this ain't okay behaviour and his future spouse will thank you for it.
It was days after our first session we have a appointment next month on the 14th
This is one of the few ultimatum times: Couples' therapy/anger management or break up.
Be very clear that her behavior won't be tolerated and your relationship is over if she doesn't get herself together.
Make some preparations in case she throws a tantrum or leaves right away. Such as having a witness there and have the conversation in a public place like a park. Where you can leave, but not so many people for a scene, etc.
You were 16 and he was 22 when y’all first got together? I feel like you’ve provided lots of concerning information. You sound like you are trying to do what’s best for your baby, I hope you continue putting the baby first because it sounds like that will mean separating yourself completely from this man.
I don’t know if this is real, but if it is OP you’re just as crazy as she is. Clearly you need to kick her out, if this is your house. Or you need to leave if it’s hers. Even if she “picks” you, the damage is done. You’ll never forget what she did or said. There’s no going back.
That said there frequently seems to be “an ex”, like one person in everyone’s past they act differently towards. It’s why there’s almost no circumstance under which an ex should stay in your life.
He has met has dad but he no longer has a relationship with him and hasn’t spoken to him in a year
Get. Out.
Rip the bandaid off. The sooner the better in the long run. There is no way he doesn't see this coming. Living in fear of this is cruel, unintentional as it may be.
The sooner this is over the sooner he can get about moving on. Making the changes he needs to be the best person he can be.
The advise I would give your bf going forward. Don't expect loyalty unless you: -Make sure you earn more than her and as much as any of her friends partners; -Pay for the majority of things; -Do the majority of the domestic labour; -Do the majority of the emotional labor (planning things); -Stay fitter than she is. Fitter than her friends partners; -Maintain an active social life and constantly work to have independant social cred, that is tied in no way to her;
90 percent (or more) men fail to do all of these things simultaneously. Failure in one or more of these standards and you will be seen as too short to ride. Some women will stick arround to honor a vow or for the sake of children but most won't.
To maintain this life style you just can't waste time playing games, watching TV, or letting your partner run you. Maintain boundaries, so that you can go to the gym, sports, hobbies, continuous professional development. This is nude to do when your in love but discipline is sexy.
Now for the righteous hate!
It's called deflection. She doesn't like what you're saying, probably because she knows it's true, so she's bringing up something else that she knows will put you off balance.
Lawyer up. Do everything they say.
Dear OP, poor you! You were worried and now you're really worried!
So much suspicion on this thread! It all feels very toxic to me.
The thing that sings out for me is that your wife didn't speak up for ages. That suggests that your communication could be better/deeper/more transparent.
That's a practice.. and doing some conscious relating/sacred sexuality/couples counselling (not on this specific thing just general) will deepen your relationship more than you can imagine. Will build trust so that anything can be said right away.
I hope you guys come through this and it brings you closer and stronger together.
Good luck!