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Date: October 15, 2022
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Since I was a kid I have been up and down all night my partner has never said anything about it except to make sure I was OK I would not marry this person they will make your life a living freaking hell
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Both of you messed up on that one his was a complete overreaction. I can fully understand him being angry about it but that was no excuse to take it as far as he did. Id be scared for the future with a person like this. If you do stay watch out for his behavior. It's not likely to improve and even get worse.
I firmly believe before taking something you should always ask. I try to plan things out and depend on certain things being there when I need them. It's just not as simple as swinging by the store sometimes to pick up more when you are out. Just be more aware next time. Thats all.
While it has not become anything I would consider toxic, I do get these feelings thats she's being too needy and nosy occasionally. I second guess myself with thinking its just her not picking up on social etiquette sometimes, but its probably not. She's very apologetic when she thinks she's done something wrong, and I don't think she's ill willed, but she may need some clear terms set
I would hardly call this place neutral. This is an extremely judgmental place that strongly tends towards black & white thinking.
i understand that kids who had shitty childhoods or family tend to attach themselves onto someone that makes them feel safe… the attachment starts to develop into “limerence” (extreme cases can involve stalking and obsession) but usually will run it’s course after a while. this especially happens if the person they’re in limerence with does or says something that makes them feel bad and ruins their fantasy
i can’t comment if you should break up with him but he sounds like he has issues to work through himself. he doesn’t sound like a healthy partner if he had to lie (even by omission) about knowing your mother. also him coming over when you guys are fighting tells me the attachment is bigger than he’s letting on – almost like her presence is how he self soothes
my concern is what happens if the veil comes off? let’s say there’s conflict between you and him or your mother and him.
is he going to turn on you and the relationship? does his interest in you stem from him seeing you as an extension of your mother and not seeing u as an individual? is he getting off on living this fantasy? has he worked on any of his childhood and attachment wounds? did he love bomb you with gifts like he did to your mom?
i think if you choose to stay with him keep a log or journal of red flags (with dates and times) so you have something concrete to refer back to when
i think this situation might benefit from your mom being informed and having her input as she was the one who dealt with him. he doesn’t sound like he’s changed much so having her opinion might be helpful and maybe enlightening
if he’s in this for the long game i fear there’s more things he’s hiding from you. it’s up to you whether you think you can build a happy life together on this shaky foundation or not. sometimes the cracks in the foundation are too deep and it’s better to start fresh with no trust issues .
i so agree