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Date: September 23, 2022
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I don’t think either of you are in the wrong, I just think your short-term goals don’t align – even if your long-term ones do. You’ve been together less than a year. That’s a relatively short time. It’s not too late to reevaluate whether this is what you both really want, or whether maybe you need to redefine your relationship and on-line some life. You’re both still so young!
Honestly, your twenties are for living! For doing all the things you want to do, grabbing every damn opportunity, guilt-free, before you settle into family life.
If I had the opportunity for all of these amazing trips and experiences with my girl friends, I would hate to feel tied to someone who was going to make me feel guilty for going. Especially if I was looking at a “future” with them; assuming that means owning property and having children together. I could imagine that years down the line, if they held me back from those experiences, and we got married and started a family, I would just end up mourning the life I didn’t have while I had the chance, the energy, the financial freedom, the confidence, and the tight knit friendship group.
But also, having a close and intimate relationship is clearly important to you; just as important as her travelling is to her. She shouldn’t be expecting you to set your relationship expectations aside just so that she can have fun. NYE means a lot to you and she has dismissed that and that’s not fair. And she can’t be telling you that you ought to be saving for a future if she’s not putting the same in, that’s not fair either.
Ultimately, she’s dismissing your feelings and you’re dismissing hers too. Sounds like you’re both trying to control each other and make each other into the person you want, instead of embracing the person you actually have – sometimes the idea of someone is perfect, but the reality of them isn’t.
All of this, I feel, is big ground for future resentment – on both sides. You’re not obliged to try and work it out. It’s okay to accept that they’re not “the one”. You can just let it go.
I’ve never been pregnant but I want kids, these comments are kinda scaring me, but this cracked me up!
Sounds like you are a back up plan.
Have you seen the Grey’s Anatomy episode we’re Richard want to propose to Catherine but she ruins bc it’s not what she wanted? Then later someone reams her a new asshole and explains that the big show proposal is how Richard is…..THAT HE WANTS THE WHOLE WORLD TO KNOW HOW MUCH HE LOVES HER. Maybe go watch that episode m. Catherine ends up proposing in a huge way to make him happy.
Your partner went out of their way, planned, and thought about it, and gave you a proposal that they worked nude on. You’re so caught up on how they didn’t do it right. After the wedding, no one gives a shit about the proposal. You do sound selfish and greedy.
In the first post, OP said his (now ex) girlfriend was a self-described feminist and LGBTQ+ ally, but it's clearly a case of “Fine for Thee, Not for Me” mentality. She is cool with other people having transgressive relationships with gender and sexuality, but still wants a Good Old Fashioned Real Man ™ for herself. She wants a “traditional man” who doesn't express his emotions (ie doesn't make his feelings her problem) and has no problem being ordered around because “happy wife happy life.” She wants a man who will be there to kill spiders for her (even if he's arachnophobic) and give her his jacket when she's cold (even if it will leave him cold). She wants someone she can flaunt in front of her friends for being “such a man.” This is why in her warped perspective, OP not disclosing his interest in wearing heels is “worse” than her not disclosing her STD–she feels “lied” to because if she knew he wasn't a “real man” she would have never dated him in a first place. It's serving me “man who calls women liars for wearing push up bras” but gender swapped.
I can't help but imagine that she went to other people to spill what he disclosed in private hoping she would get validation in her disgust. She wanted to be able to return to OP and say “everyone agrees with me that this is weird and bad, which means you have to stop doing it.” Instead she probably got clocked by her feminist, LGBTQ+ friends for not practicing what she preaches–something I'm sure she also found a way to make OP's fault.
You slept with you best friend’s ABUSER! And treated her horribly before admitting it to her. Leave her alone. Stop thinking about yourself if you have any decency left in you. She is gone. You can never have her back because you don’t deserve her.
End this relationship.
He is not being respectful to your needs andd you are being physically abusive toward him.
No one should be leaving bruises on their partners without their expressed affirmative consent. If you're lashing out physically because the two of you are not communicating verbally – then you need to end this.
Literally every new thing you said was another red flag. There’s honestly not a thing you said about this guy that’s not a red flag. He’s a red flag parade you need to run away from.
He’s trying to control you and isolate you and is trying to mess with your birth control. All hallmarks of an abusive partner.
OP says they live! 30 minutes away from where the party is. If they on-line at that distance, it’s not out of the ordinary that one's spouse would want them to come back. What's fishy about this is not that OP's wife is going to a work party, but that when OP said he didn’t want her to stay there, she became very defensive. If your spouse become very defensive when you tell them that you don't want them to stay over at night at a office party that's 30 minutes away, it’s natural that your alarm bells will start to go off.