It's been five months my dude. I'd be surprised if this didn't make HER rethink ya'll. This whole thing sounds really controlling and you'll say 'oh it can't be controlling cause I'm not going to order her to not do it.” no, you're just going to be both passive aggressive and aggressive and basically issue an ultimatum to her. Go out with work friends and have fun but lose your relationship or get to feel cowed by your partner who is treating you like an infant cause he only cares about what he likes and what he wants you to do…
I'd dodge the bullet tbh. Get therapy about your feelings surrounding your ex.
I honestly did it to myself I should’ve seen it coming based on how he treated me before this.
No, you did not do this to yourself and no this is not your fault. You are never at fault for expecting other human beings to act like human beings; the whole reason why we freeze when they start doing something monstrous is because it's so far outside the bounds of normal behavior that we expect. You should not have to be on guard 24/7 to make sure your boyfriend doesn't rape you; that's not a situation anyone should be expected to expect.
By the same token of course it was easy for him to convince you that you misremembered him headbutting you, because your boyfriend headbutting you is a completely insane thing for him to do and it falls so far outside the bounds of normal expected human behavior that you have a hard time wrapping your mind around it. It's easier to process “I misremembered this” than it is “my boyfriend is violent and abusive,” especially when he's in your ear repeating that nonstop.
Don't think of this as you getting out too late and missing warning signs. Instead think of it as you getting out, period, and all those signs that you recognize in retrospect will help you spot guys like this in the future. Getting out and getting away is always a victory, it doesn't matter how long it took to get there. Get away, get safe, get your support people around you, and celebrate freedom.
Do not go over there alone to retrieve any of your things, even if you think he's at work. Send a friend or family member. or several. The important thing is that you have to make sure you are not alone anywhere he might pop up ever again.
It's been five months my dude. I'd be surprised if this didn't make HER rethink ya'll. This whole thing sounds really controlling and you'll say 'oh it can't be controlling cause I'm not going to order her to not do it.” no, you're just going to be both passive aggressive and aggressive and basically issue an ultimatum to her. Go out with work friends and have fun but lose your relationship or get to feel cowed by your partner who is treating you like an infant cause he only cares about what he likes and what he wants you to do…
I'd dodge the bullet tbh. Get therapy about your feelings surrounding your ex.
I honestly did it to myself I should’ve seen it coming based on how he treated me before this.
No, you did not do this to yourself and no this is not your fault. You are never at fault for expecting other human beings to act like human beings; the whole reason why we freeze when they start doing something monstrous is because it's so far outside the bounds of normal behavior that we expect. You should not have to be on guard 24/7 to make sure your boyfriend doesn't rape you; that's not a situation anyone should be expected to expect.
By the same token of course it was easy for him to convince you that you misremembered him headbutting you, because your boyfriend headbutting you is a completely insane thing for him to do and it falls so far outside the bounds of normal expected human behavior that you have a hard time wrapping your mind around it. It's easier to process “I misremembered this” than it is “my boyfriend is violent and abusive,” especially when he's in your ear repeating that nonstop.
Don't think of this as you getting out too late and missing warning signs. Instead think of it as you getting out, period, and all those signs that you recognize in retrospect will help you spot guys like this in the future. Getting out and getting away is always a victory, it doesn't matter how long it took to get there. Get away, get safe, get your support people around you, and celebrate freedom.
Do not go over there alone to retrieve any of your things, even if you think he's at work. Send a friend or family member. or several. The important thing is that you have to make sure you are not alone anywhere he might pop up ever again.