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Date: November 1, 2022
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Exactly this. People being miserable here because of their shitty partners who they love so much that they’re slowly dying inside and then come to this sub to find some kind of magic spell which will turn them into amazing partners they wish for. Those don’t exist.
Let’s be primitive. Write a simple pros and cons list, but I dare you not to write one pro side on sixty different ways so you get an illusion of healthy love. People are wired to do that, but if you are aware of it, you should be able to rationalize what’s your next move.
And if you love him so damn much, then deal with it. I don’t mean to be rude, but that’s the sum of it.
I'm guessing you're just hunting for a reason for this to be her fault to ease your conscience or whatever. Nope, it's all on you. Enjoy it
Run.
You can wash externally with a soap free cleanser but not internally.
You did it to yourself.
Everything you said makes me feel exactly what I feel like. I care too much about making her feeling happy when it drains my own tank of happiness. I know I’ve been in the wrong during our arguments and would get very upset on how she felt about me. I just don’t know how to let her go. I’m so in love with this woman I keep trying. I know it’s killing me inside and just want to be myself again. Thank you for all you said it really put a different perspective on how I feel about her. She’s cheated on me in the past and I forgave her and my old self would never allow that. I just changed, I was blinded by love, or at least what I thought love was. I just need to find myself again
Oh, honey, have some self respect. Dump this guy.
Honestly, I can understand and empathize with what your gf has been through. However, you protected her. If she can't see that simple fact, and would rather you let them do something worse like rape her, maybe she's not the one for you. You don't want a woman that's going to expect you to let men break into your house and do whatever they please with absolutely no repercussion.
And this is coming from a woman. If my husband didn't do his best to protect me, I'd see that as a failure.
I guarantee is gf knows nothing about this..
I agree it feels pretty disrespectful
There’s no “insane deal”. And even if this mythical insane deal existed, it’s not working for you anymore, which is reason enough to end it.
So the conversation sounds like this: “Mom, I’m a 22 year old adult, and I’ve decided it’s time to remove the tracking apps from my phone. I know you might not agree with that decision, but it’s my decision to make, and I’ve made it.”
And know that she’ll almost certainly blow a gasket. Probably several. There’s pretty much no chance that’s she’s going to be like “cool, high five!” So just prepare for it to kinda suck for awhile, relationship wise. She’s used to a certain (at least perceived) level of control, and this loss of that perceived control will freak her the. Eff. Out. So expect that. Expect the panic, the bargaining, yelling, sobbing, accusations, love bombing, silent treatment…all the things.
Hold firm anyway.
This IS your choice to make, and it IS a reasonable one. Really really. Mom’s response, whatever that might be at the time, doesn’t change that. She’s going to try REALLY hot to convince you otherwise, but nope.
And if the prospect of dealing with this freaks you out…well, yeah! Of course it would! Change is naked! Especially with moms! But hang in there. And be kind to yourself if you slip up or regress. It’s ok, you’ll try again tomorrow.
You are both adults. You weren't attracted to her because she was 18, but because she is who she is.
A friend of mine, after law school, got her first job and met a guy who was 17 years older than her, and they fell for each other and got married. He was a great guy, also a legal professional, nothing manipulative going on.
But it was fun when, at her high school reunion, when everyone else was saying, “Want to see a picture of my kid?” she could say, “Want to see one of my granddaughter?” Her husband had fathered a child young, married the mom, and they eventually divorced, but he was on good terms with his now-adult kid, who just had an infant daughter.
There will always be someone who objects to age differences between adults. Your role in life isn't to please them, but to find ways to make your partner feel loved.
Your therapist “friend” is wrong and gas lighting you. I know I wouldn't look past this if I were in your shoes.